5 questions to ask

[Boymom27049]

at the first 8th grade behavioral concern meeting with school. My 14 yo 8th grader is having a very challenging time settling into 8th grade. I am curious what your top 5 questions to team 8 would be to get a better understanding of the challenges their facing with my son and how WE can encourage positive behavior.

[Aspen797]

Can you describe what my child is doing (not what you think is prompting it)? When do you see this behavior (one setting, one time of day, one day of week, etc)? What is occurring right before the behavior (asked to write, asked to do group work, etc.)? What happens right after the behavior (is the demand removed if there was one, is there peer approval, etc.). I would want to try to figure out if there is an underlying reason for the behavior. All behavior is communication. You cannot get rid of a behavior without addressing the need the behavior is communicating. You can only teach and reinforce a more acceptable behavior that still meets the child’s need. A great resource is Jessica Minahan’s book “The Behavior Code.” Sometimes behavior IS purely impulsive and medication can help. Sometimes other factors are contributing and teasing those out is necessary. That’s what I would be curious about. Good luck at the meeting. Those types of meetings are challenging.

[Boymom27049 in reply to Aspen797]

Thank you very much for the insight AND resource! I am going to look into that book!

[Boymom27049 in reply to Aspen797]

Here is the email I sent to the ELA teacher;

Hi ____,

I wanted to provide questions to ask Team 8 during Wednesday's meeting regarding ______ behavioral challenges in the classroom. This information will help me jump start the brainstorming stage for our parent teacher meeting to follow.

Thanks for your help,

1. What are the challenging behaviors?

2. When and where does it occur? How often? Who is around when it happens?

3. What has been tried so far? What has worked? What has not worked?

4. What are strengths, and can we use them to build a plan?

[Boymom27049 in reply to Aspen797]

I want to thank you for the book suggestion. It has been extremely helpful. I have many home/ parenting focused books but this is the first seen from the educators prospective. Keep recommending this book!! I have shared it with my friends as well.

[Aspen797 in reply to Boymom27049]

I am so happy to hear this!!! Thank you for letting me know. I heard her present at a conference and was floored. Brilliant insights but— more helpfully—readable and doable.

[Onthemove1971]

Great advice, I would also like to know has the school figured out what they think helps him...Then if you as the parent knows share that with the team.

[Boymom27049 in reply to Onthemove1971]

I am going to encourage Team 8 talk with Team 7 to see what was helpful last year that made 7th grade such a "breeze" for J, academically and behaviorally.

As a new member this resource has really minimized my feeling of secludedness. I believe it's harder to discuss behavioral challenges as our kiddos age especially when ADHD into the mix.

[Aspen797 in reply to Boymom27049]

Great idea!