I am guardian to my 11 year old grandson with moderate to severe ADHD. Introduced to online gaming in past year and has started using foul language and is very angry. He is limited in time allowed but still more than he probably should have. He becomes a bully online and has destryed 2 flat screen TV’s in past month. Therapist suggests no gaming during the week but he gets violent when it is removed. Consulted psychologist re: med modifications but advised no need to make changes. Refuses to eat meals with the family preferring to “graze” on junk food. Prefers sugary foods (of course). For now schooling is good, he does well at school however, he has a friend who bullies him constantly. School has watched for problems and reprimanded the friend but it continues. Think it may be he puts up with it to be accepted. Teacher says children tend to follow the bully (natural leader vs. not afraid to do what is wrong?) working with school psychologist as well as medical psychiatrist. will be receiving at home visits. First self injury promoted it. Medication difficulties (supply & demand issues). May have to change to Vyvanse just to keep him medicated. Not sure about that. Any suggestions anyone has would be appreciated. Very lost and confused.
where to turn: I am guardian to my 1... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
where to turn
I would urge you to get diet under control and get him off anything with additives and minimal junk food. Hide vegetables in everything. Even if the whole family’s diet has to change at once. It won’t do anyone any harm. You have a window of opportunity at 11 years old but he will soon be too old to have any control. At the moment he cannot get his own money so can’t buy junk unless he is allowed.
Get him on Hardys daily essential nutrients too. And limit screen time, turn off wifi at night , set sensible bed times. Try and interest him in some kind of sport or exercise.
These are all critical to good mental health.
At 11 you still can set the rules. By 14 it’s too late.
Thank You for the recommendation. I am currently looking into diet plans and think I have landed on some interesting information. Some of the foods that the diet recommends are the foods that he seems to want when I go to the store. I told him that his body is directing him to the correct foods. Maybe he will work with me and not against me. Fingers crossed.
great! Please do look into Hardys den too. My teenaged son we thought had adhd or some kind of audio impairment as he couldn’t seem to focus or understand people talking to him or listen in class is a completely different person after starting on the clinical dose of this (12 per day) and is doing uni this year.
Is he on any non -stimulant in addition to what I'm assuming is Adderall? Guanfacine really helped my son get his anger issues under control.
I don't have experience with 11yo yet, but it sounds like the games are not good for his mental health or overall behavior; I'd probably cut them out until he's gotten a bit more emotional control.
My son requires a LOT of exercise to stay regulated, but also needs downtime to regroup. Maybe see if he's interested in an after school sports club? Or after school bike rides? but then have him take a break when he gets home, with reading, "fun" type workbooks, drawing, doing a puzzle, or whatever desk activities he's more inclined towards, perhaps while having a reasonably healthy snack if he's hungry. Set him up with a daily routine. And with food, remember that you can't make him eat anything, but you can choose what food is available in the house.
Good luck!
Yes the gaming is the biggest issue. We have limited his time but it still needs to be less. I understand the draw for him as it increases dopamine (like addicts). We are working with therapists to hopefully help him understand himself better.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with these issues. My son had extreme anger episodes on stimulant medications. We tried many over a 2 year period and I felt like he “had” to be on these due to how severe his ADHD was. Getting him off stimulants was the best decision ever, and now he takes 1mg of guanfacine along with helpful supplements. I’m not saying stimulants are the root cause of your grandson’s anger, and many kids thrive on them, but it’s something to keep in mind on this journey. I would think since he ruined 2 TVs he’s lost his privilege to play video games or watch TV until he can do enough chores to pay back the $. TV is not a “right”. I would also look up ADHD Dude on YouTube for great advice. Please also keep Red Dye #40 out of his diet, which he may be ingesting if he likes junk food. It can cause behavioral issues, especially with sensitive ADHD kids.
Thanks for the hint. I will check out the You Tube guy.
I told my daughter if she broke the tv we would all go without. I am prepared to stick with that plan if she does break it.
As for the anger, we took our daughter off all stimulants as they were exacerbating her anger and irritability. We also got her a genesight test which concurred with that decision. She is now on guanafcine and her mood has improved a bit.
Have you considered an outpatient program? It may help if you can get some extra eyes on him. That is assuming that he acts out outside the home. It also may help if other people aside from your immediate family are giving him feedback on his behavior.
Regarding interactions at home, consider you may need to change your approach. Check out this book on nonviolent communication, it may give you some ideas to diffuse the situation:
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) 3rd Edition3rd Edition by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Thank you for your input. I will check on the Genesight testing. That sounds interesting.
Thanks for joining us on this roller coaster journey call ADHD. It is impressive that you are taking on the roll of parenting your grandson.. I hope ( and maybe he is already) thanking you.
I remember having to live in the same house an parent a child that was full of anger.. there were many reasons why he was using anger to communicate his frustration.
Just a few thought.. can you join therapy sessions with him? Or get additional sessions together?
It is not easy growing up different..
I think there us a way to allow him to have electronics safely.
Curious.. have you ever sat with him and played his games ( I know you are thinking I am crazy), but stay with me. He is getting something from play video games that doesn't fulfill him in his daily life.. I think it is important to listen to what he likes and why. Enough time with him. Then slowly ask why he likes them so much. You could learn so much about why, what type, etc.
As far as Vyvanse, our son was on Ritilin and we finally switched with no side effects.. the supply will be much better if you change.
These years are so hard on out kids. It sounds like you are really doing a lot to support him.
Good luck on finding what works best for him.
Big hugs for your struggles. We are always here for you.
I am sorry that gaming is an issue. It might be that the part of brain which regulates ‘rewards’ is messed. People with ADHD need instant rewards. Gaming gives instant rewards hence this psychological addiction to gaming. I’d say it’s like with any other addition- limiting won’t work, you’d have to take it away completely. What I did, I just took away one game that my son was really hooked on and like a junkie obsessing with it and waiting for the weekend and then all he wanted to do was this game so he was irritable, explosive and really unpleasant at the weekends.
We took this one game away completely. By the way, we would never allow him to go online and link with people to play, this means I wouldn’t know who contacts him etc. He’s fine now once we took this game away. He has a selection of games that he doesn’t t like so much but his younger brother who doesn’t have ADHD loves (little one truly plays for pleasure and occasionally, doesn’t get worked out about it, it’s for him one of the activities and not the centre of his universe).
As for braking property, maybe he’s on too high dose of stimulant or maybe it’s rebound (also rebound will be more severe if he’s on too high dose of a stimulant)? I’d say give it a shot with Vyvanse but maybe ask for lower dose. Maybe ask his doctor to add Guanfacine to calm him?
Stimulants are appetite suppressants so it’s not his fault that he is not able to eat proper meals. I’d say if he grazes it’s better than nothing. A few weeks back I’d recommend Cyproheptadine for appetite but I have read now a lot about a range of side effects with this medication which can double with side effects of stimulants. For example tachycardia.
Thank you. He is already on the Guanfacine 3 times daily. May be too much. Looking into that.
I slowly come to realise that with those meds for ADHD sometimes ‘less’ is better. I’d ask your doctor to reduce both stimulants and Guanfacine and see what happens.
We found my grandson, 9, had violent tendencies and was just angry all the time on stimulants. He outgrew the efficacy of guanfacine. I searched for a homeopathic remedy and found BRILLIA. This has worked amazingly. We do homeschooling, I teach him and his sister. Attitudes can definitely be affected by too much screen time and junk food. I've found natural food snacks at the health food store and he has no idea they're better for him. The stimulants are an amphetamine and the tendency to want sugar is intense! Also not your friend.
Thank You for the advice. We are at our wits end with the anger. I will try the Brillia.
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