Hi all! I'm new here and although my 10 year old daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD for about 2 years, she is just now really starting to struggle, mainly socially and emotionally. It is so painful to watch ! I see her trying so hard to connect with other kids and getting undermined by her sensitivity and personality. She gets so hurt and angry when kids won't apologize for unintentionally knocking up against her or getting distracted and running off. She doesn't understand why kids don't want to listen to her rattle off endless facts about sharks or wolves. It's really breaking my heart. Lately I am crying daily and feeling so worried for her. How do you survive the heartbreak of seeing your kind, interesting , amazing child feel so rejected by her world?
Can we talk about the feels? - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Can we talk about the feels?
Some kids can suffer from Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria along with their ADHD. Here's a helpful article on it from ADDittude Magazine: additudemag.com/rejection-s...
ADHD kids are just a bit more on the surface emotionally. My child will keep talking to me about Minecraft even if I've left the room and go into such detail on his latest lego build to anyone who looks at him, and while I find it sweet, other people tend to be a bit dismissive or even rude.
I think as a parent, you can help them navigate these waters (full of all those sharks she loves to talk about) but she will have to, with your help, learn to digest the uncomfortable feelings she gets when people act rudely or not in a way she understands. We all have to do that to an extent. It just seems to hurt more for kids with ADHD and coexisting conditions like anxiety.
She's old enough to work with an ADHD coach or Cognitive Behavior Therapist to learn to work through these emotions. You may also benefit from an ADHD coach to help her through these bumps in the road.
Medication, if she's not already on it, may also help to let some of that social angst roll off her back easier.
We want to protect our kids from feeling badly, but we can't protect them all the time so the best way is to put all the tools in place we can for them so they can be successful and independent.
It's also OK for you to feel sad about it and it's OK that you may not have all the answers. We are all doing our best, and the fact you care so much shows that you are doing a lot for her already even if you don't realize it.
It is hard watching our beautiful kids not be easily accepted and loved by their peers. Some of what you noted made me think of my son who is on the autism spectrum—focusing on areas of special interest when others express boredom or disinterest, having a “rule” that bumping or falling wouldn’t happen unless it is intentional and not seeing from the other person’s perspective how an accident could happen, being inflexible. Pragmatic language/social skill classes were very helpful for my son in learning the social “why” that didn’t come easily to him. A really terrific book for preteens on the spectrum that is written for them is called “The Asperkids Secret Book of Social Rules.” If not on the spectrum, you might want to check out the American Girls series. Lots of social learning there. Another great resource is “Why Will o one play with me?” that has good teaching tips. Website is carolinemaguireauthor.com/b....
Others will likely chime in with their unique perspectives from their personal experiences. So glad you are here! This is a safe, knowledgeable and helpful forum.
It's so tough to watch & not be able to solve. We had "rules" for social situations we'd talk about & then go over again right before this past school year. The school also had a kind of social skills play group. Hang in there!
Thank you! I like the rules for social interactions. And I appreciate the support
I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. In addition to medication, we started seeing a Theraplay therapist for my 5 y.o., and his OT recommended using social stories on this website: harmonysel.org.
It is so painful. Been there with both my ADHD kid and a neurotypical kid. Therapy for at least you, but maybe you and them (separately). We also got ADHD coaching which I though to be helpful.
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