Hi,
Its me again. New to the group.
My 8 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with combined ADHD and I am curious.... did you tell your child right away that they have ADHD?
Did you wait until a certain age?
How did you explain it to them?
Many thanks!!
Yes, you tell them in a way that is appropriate for their age. And in a way that is positive. Right now she's probably wondering why she's been seeing the doctor and what horrible illness she has on top of being miserable in school.
Something like:
Your teachers and I have noticed how much you've been struggling in school. It turns out that you have something called ADHD. What this really means is that you have a Ferrari brain with bicycle brakes. The Dr thinks it would help improve your brakes if you tried some medication. What do you think?
And talk about the many successful people who have ADHD: Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, Albert Einstein, most CEOs of companies... The list goes on...
Best of luck!
Just a follow up…… I’m concerned she will tell a friend and all the kids in school will find out and tease her or use it to hurt or bully her. “Come on guys, She has adhd so she’s dumb”Kids can be cruel and I don’t want the other kids to know….. but I don’t want to tell her to keep a secret either.
Should I call it something else?
You can choose to have a discussion with your child about medical information being private if you'd like. However, in the long term, it's sometimes pretty hard to prevent other kids from noticing that something is different about your kid. Whether diagnosed or not. Frankly I know some parents who will never get their child tested because they do not want their kid to have a label. I feel very sorry for those kids because they will grow up not understanding themselves, their behavior, their needs, etc. Plus other kids and parents will still notice differences anyway.
Hopefully your school is inclusive and accepting. They have discussions with the kids about how everyone is unique and they celebrate that. Everbody has things they are good at and things they struggle with. All schools have rules against bullying. Learn the rules and how to report it if someone does it anyway. Perhaps talk to your child’s teacher and/principal about your concerns. Remember that in 2017 the CDC said that 11% of kids in the US have ADHD. And this is a low number because they admit that many girls are undiagnosed. This means that your child is not the only one at the school.
I told my son when he was first diagnosed when he was 5 and in Kindergarten (and also when he was being tested and why). I told him that it's not something he should tell everyone about (some information is family info) but that if he wanted to tell his best friends that was ok.
He has experienced bullying, but not about having ADHD and not at school. He is 11 now.
My daughter is 10 now. She was diagnosed with dyslexia and dysgraphia in 2nd grade. She was tested for ADHD in Kindergarten (where we as parents dropped the ball and didn't finish filling out the forms), she was tested again for ADHD in 2nd grade (with mixed results that led to not being diagnosed), then eventually she was diagnosed with ADHD just before 4th grade. She was also diagnosed with Anxiety and Auditory Processing Disorder in 4th grade. She has never experienced bullying at all. I was upfront with her at all stages - why she was being tested, what she was diagnosed with, etc.
Of course, people can be cruel no matter what. But having ADHD or a learning disability does not mean someone is dumb. It does mean that the people saying that are ignorant and that they need to be educated. Try volunteering for Library time and read the class one of the many books about a kid with ADHD. Or ask the teacher if she/he can read it to the class. Provide the book to make it easy.
Yes, I told my son right away. As well stated by Aloysia, it is best to tell them in an age and developmentally appropriate way.
For me, I did this because I wanted to help my son "blame" some of the negative stuff that he was facing at school and with friends on his ADHD rather than think that he as a human, as a person, was the problem. My husband was a bit worried and still brings up whether this was the right choice because maybe my son will "lean into" his ADHD and blame everything on it. Yes, this seemed to perhaps happen. But, I don't know, I felt that when he receives treatment, takes meds, etc., we can say that this treatment/med/whatever is supposed to help him (person) have less problems with his ADHD. Also, I was diagnosed after my son and I have to admit that I kinda leaned into it at first.
Of course, this is really distinctly different than some people (at least in the autism world) who do not want to separate symptoms from person. So, maybe in the future my son won't like how we did this but I guess we'll cross that bridge when and if we get to it.
Just a follow up…… I’m concerned she will tell a friend and all the kids in school will find out and tease her or use it to hurt or bully her. “Come on guys, She has adhd so she’s dumb”Kids can be cruel and I don’t want the other kids to know….. but I don’t want to tell her to keep a secret either.
Should I call it something else?
I was worried about this as well. I've watched him tell others and they have accepted it without much issue. In fact, I've seen other kids then tell him about their "things" (learning disability, tics, ADHD).
However, I wonder if girls may be different?
Another thing that I am considering is to volunteer to read in class from a book related to differences. My latest possibility is "Just Ask" by Sonia Sotomayor. It presents several different types of differences and encourages kids to be understanding and -- as the book title states -- just ask (without judgement). I know other parents who have done this in their children's classes either because their kids have a difference or because they are advocates for children with differences. I'm inspired by their reflections of how wonderful and receptive the kids in the classes have been.
We have always talked about it and been open when it came up, but didn't make a big deal about it outside of that. By the time she was your daughter's age, we were watching the YouTube videos "How to ADHD" made by Jessica McCabe and it gave her a really positive feeling about having ADHD and being in that "tribe". Now that she is 12 and becoming more aware of the challenges for her with ADHD and realizing other kids don't all have those challenges, she still keeps a positive outlook and feels it also makes her more creative and unique and special. If you haven't checked out that YouTube channel, I highly recommend it! Dr. Ned Hallowell is great too and explains that ADHD people have "Ferrari engine brains with bicycle brakes". That's a positive way to explain a brain difference that has a good and bad side (and we always talk about the good side with the bad side).
thank you everyone!! Appreciate the help!
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