Asperger Father - ADHD Daughter

[Philotix]

Greetings,

As the title explains succinctly, I have Asperger's Syndrome, was diagnosed fairly late into adulthood. I have a daughter who is almost 8, and has been diagnosed with ADHD.

My wife sent me this article for me to better understand my ADHD daughter, and this does help a lot. Here's the core section:

"The DMN [default mode network] takes care of task-irrelevant mental processes, mind-wandering, contemplation, and reflection. It comprises the precuneus/posterior cingulate cortex, the medial prefrontal cortex, and the lateral and inferior parietal cortex. The DMN is more active when individuals are at wakeful rest, engaged in internal tasks, such as daydreaming, recovering memories, and assessing others’ perspectives. Conversely, when individuals work on active, willful, goal-directed tasks, the DMN deactivates, and attentional pathways engage. The DMN and cognitive control networks work in opposing directions to accommodate attentional demands.

In ADHD, the daydreaming brain doesn’t quiet down when the attention circuits turn on."

additudemag.com/current-res...

Now, this helps to explain why my daughter has issues paying attention, because apparently we have two "modes" - being task oriented, and resting/wandering. The two work at cross purposes, and pull the brain in two different directions.

This ALSO explains why I'm having such a hard time relating to me daughter, because hearing about the DMN, made me do some more research, because I don't really feel like I hardly HAVE a DMN, strangely. The other half of our consciousness is the CEN, the Central Executive Network:

"Central executive network

The CEN maintains and manipulates information in working memory and is also responsible for decision-making and problem-solving in the pursuit of goal-directed behavior (Menon, 2011). Whereas the DMN shows activation during resting awake states, the CEN shows activation during cognitively and emotionally challenging activities."

(From here: sciencedirect.com/topics/ps... )

THAT'S ME. I LIVE in the Central Executive Network. I virtually never "daydream", never "relax", always seek out that next task. Even my "play" is task oriented.

I also found this NIH article that shows that the DMN of Aspergians and Autistics is substantially reduced:

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articl...

This explains ALL of that. We have OPPOSITE minds, my daughter and I, opposite default modes of thinking. She's always at play/at rest/daydreaming/wandering, while I am always on task/working/problem solving.

It explains SO MUCH. Whoa.

Science rules. Now, I have to try to figure out what to DO about this knowledge.

That is why I am here, to seek help and guidance from others that may have experience from one or both sides of these aisles. Is anyone in a remotely similar situation? Anyone have any advice or suggestions for me on how to relate between us? Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

[Shamasamdrew]

While I am not exactly in your same situation, I can give you some ideas that have helped me understand my son coming from a brain that does not work like his at all. You and your wife were very wise to read about the science behind ADHD. When I started to do that and really understand that the reason he did whatever he did was because he was demonstrating a symptom of the disorder changed my whole attitude and way of parenting him. I think it is common with ADHD kids to observe their symptoms and interpret them as character flaws. For example, if you have a child who frequently skips questions on a test because he/she forgot them, he/she is careless or if you have a child who is frequently late, that child could be perceived as not caring about others time or feelings. That’s simply not the case for them. The way their brain works makes these things happen. They are not doing any of these things to get under your skin. I expect someone with a broken leg to limp, I expect someone with ADHD to demonstrate their symptoms as well. My job as the parent is to have some compassion and teach strategies. When I understood this and made it my framework for my interactions with my son, it really made a difference for me. I hope it does for you as well.