Lying and Sneaking Candy

[katcald]

My 12-year-old son is constantly sneaking candy and snacks to his room despite constant reminders he needs to ask for it (and not eat upstairs) He ate most of the Halloween Candy that I had put in an upper cabinet the beginning of the month. He also takes his sisters’ electronics (tablet, digital camera) when they are not around. He never tells us the truth My husband and I have tried everything but are at a loss as to how to stop this behavior. People have suggested locking things up, but we want him to learn this behavior is wrong, even if things aren’t locked up you don’t take them.

Please help. I am worried he will grow up to be a thief. Thank you.

[Onthemove1971]

Katcald- so stressful! We have all been there. Understanding that you son has an impulse disorder and will do these things. All children with ADHD are immature and often lack judgement skills until much older.

The other choice, if you don't want to lock it up is don't have it ( especially candy) in the house.

This is not about "hoping" he will make the right choice, he is not able to becuase of his disorder.

Hope this helps.

[marycollins13]

Perhaps you can explain to him that there are consequences to his actions. I use a reminder chart for my son & I have to make sure to follow through with whatever consequence or reward that we agree on. No matter the situation you must follow through. I don't think locking them up or removing them will work.

[Hidden]

OMG, you just described my now 16 y/o behaviors. He was around 14 when he started stealing sweets and excessive computer uses. Up to that point he was around it all the time and he did not bother it, but turned 14, sweets and computers are all what he thinks about and goes through much sneakyness to get it. This past summer was the worst, he spent the summer with his grandmother and aunt and he constantly stole sweets, hid electronics devices and lied and say he did not have it. I warned my mother and sister about this behavior, advised them no sweets or excess to electronics. He stole so much sweets, and hid the wrappers, whatever the item came in under the bed, he stole and ate a sheet of cake, and when he could not find sweets, he ate a bottle of women's gummy vitamins, thinking it's candy. All of that overdose of sweets caused cavities. When I told my sister and mother about it, to them it was no big deal. I on the other hand is pissed. He has to have a dental procedure to fix the problem which I'm on the fence about because now he is getting sweets at school, they give it to him as an incentive for answering questions. I have explained to him what his excessive sweets did caused and will continue to cause but his comprehension is non existent. I agree with the other advise, hoping it will go away, it won't, common sense discussion, no way; it's been 2 years strong with my son dealing with this. I do not give him excess to sweets at home , I leave out healthy items to snack on . The only computer use, is what's needed for school. But with my son 's poor impulsive behaviors, if there's a way.., I'm constantly in the mode one step ahead.

[narasetay]

We were of the same mindset as you for several years regarding not wanting to lock up snacks, electronics, etc. and wanting our now 9 year old son to learn that stealing, lying and sneaking is wrong. Unfortunately despite constant reminders, punishments, and arguments, and our son clearly knowing what he was doing was wrong, the behaviors continued. We have ultimately ended up locking things up and it has been the best decision for our collective sanity. Even our son agrees (through gritted teeth on many occasions!) that this has been helpful as he doesn’t feel that he is able to control these impulses. We periodically test leaving out sweets, or iPads, etc. to see how he manages the temptation and he sometimes does well for a day or two, but there are still frequent epic failures! I loathe having to lockup things in my own home, but the alternative of constant conflict is far worse. I have faith that as their frontal lobes continue to develop and their decision making improves, these behaviors will diminish. I wish you the best of luck with whichever path you choose.