Hi everyone, I love this site and the raw support it offers, but have felt too hopeless to even post here over last 6+ months. I'm going to fade to black and get real for a moment, but I promise there's white light, unicorns and rainbows at the end.
My DD (darling daughter), 12, has ADHD and probably a myriad of other DSM worthy DXs. In last 6+ months, the fine local police force have visited us two times b/c DD would not stop screaming "please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me", when I/dad were in another room and never came close to laying a finger on here. Reality did not matter, facts didn't matter. My arms being bruised from wrists to my forearms from deflecting her hits, didn't matter. I refused to hit or hurt her. I've had black eyes, huge bite marks and other injuries that left me with watery eyes at my desk at work in silence, of course. I would think: "How do I tell anyone? This is so crazy, no one else would understand. Just login to your computer and get that spreadsheet done." and that is what I did.
My DD was convinced she was the victim. It got so bad, she threw paint on our cars. A few weeks ago we sat outside an ER, next to the trash bins, threatening to take her in, unless she comply with some demands.
She mostly hated me. Dad is her buddy, and although he tries to not 'get in the middle' he clearly enjoys his position of comrade to my DD. I have spent hours studying and ultimately initiated several popular parenting techniques: 'Kadzin: parenting the defiant child', and Total Transformation. While both have sound basis in logic and science neither worked for us/her. They are great programs and may be quite helpful to other parents, kids.
During this dark time, my daughter was diagnosed with Celiacs Disease, an absolutely miserable condition that requires she not eat gluten. My DD is so skinny, and gluten damages the mechanism that allows her to absorb calories/gain weight. Getting off gluten is helping, but the struggle to get a super inflexible kid to eat food that kind of tastes like cardboard, has added a whole new set of challenges to an already volatile mix.
So, for the light and unicorns, and my message to all. No matter how bad things get, please keep educating yourself on ways to handle your special child. If one way doesn't work, move on. You are their strongest and sometimes only advocate. Not your spouse or school or doctor.
Once I realized I needed to manage my child's triggers, everything changed.
Dah da da....I have found great success with Dr. Greene's CPS (collaborative problem solving) methods in the Explosive Child. It really has helped me get a handle on my emotions on the situation and understand that 'kids do well if they can'. The CPS method has proven to be extremely effective with our explosive daughter. There is a short, abridged version on Audible. If you have an explosive child and reward systems, consequences and duct tape (jk) haven't worked, listen and return if you don't like it.
Here's hugs to all on this site. Please know you are not alone and you got this!
Co-parenting and ADHD
Tired of people not understanding
Am I right for being angry at the school?
