ADHD Parenting Guilt

[Artaddict]

I just feel guilty. I cant seem to put my passions away long enough to properly be "there" for my girl. Anyone else hyperfocus fir hours on something that interests them!?!? Then when that passion has been satisfied, your eyes are open to all that is around you until another thing "pops" in your mind!?!? Drives me crazy and I cant seem to stop. Feel like a bad mom and gf at times even though these people are my life!

[La_Indy]

Artaddict,

Being a parent is an extremely tough job. It sounds like you need to give yourself permission to enjoy your passions. Passions are a wonderful thing and are probably are something you want to pass onto your child. Can you involve your child in your passions, such as your art or poetry? Talk with her about how these developed for you and what her areas of interest might be. It might be helpful to set aside time for homework with your child, fun with your child, and your own passion time. In this way, when you feel the desire to work on one of your passions during homework time, you can remind yourself that time is coming. If your passions are overwhelming and consuming your life, it might be good to talk with a psychologist about this. Sometimes having someone to talk with help, and sometimes we need more in-depth counseling.

[Artaddict in reply to La_Indy]

Thank you for this comment! It is nice knowing someone out there is listening.. My boyfriend has also suggested that I use time management better.. to set times for each activity. I guess it's like he always says.. I'll only use his suggestion once someone else suggests it to me as well 🤗😂 I am new to this whole ADHD thing.. I realize now that in knowing you have a "disorder" it really opens your eyes to what needs to change On a side note, one of my obsessive passions was actually completed start to finish this month. It is called

ADHD and Maybe Me by Amber Scott (pen name :P) I have had NOT 1 person read it yet I would love some feed back.. it seems to make it as an author you need to build a "following". As a reclusive like artist.. tis hard to accomplish. It is 2 bucks on a

Amazon Kindle! SPREAD THE WORD

#SUPPORTLIVINGARTISTS

XO

[Hidden in reply to Artaddict]

Congrats on your book! It sounds interesting.

First of all, the fact that you feel guilty means that you are paying attention to your feelings and your child's needs. Bravo!

I also think guilt is inherent to parenthood. I sort of joke that I started feeling guilty as soon as I thought about wanting to get pregnant. You know, you have to start eating the right foods, etc. La_Indy is very right. Exploring your passions feeds you which will ultimately help you parent your child. Setting time limits is good, so I concur with your boyfriend. :). Let him have that one. I have recently discovered the Time Timer. It helps me not get anxious over time as much as I used too. You can get it on Amazon.

One thing that I really enjoy doing is working at the kitchen table while my kids are doing their homework beside me. I'm there if they need help but also doing what I want/need to do. I get the added benefit of modeling to them that you can work while having a family. It does mean that all three of us are usually on a device of some sort but we are not playing, so it's ok. What can you do to include your child or just be near them? Sometimes, that is all they need.

All in all, guilt is a normal feeling for parents to feel. As long as your child is well taken care of and loved, they will be ok. Give yourself a break but do listen to yourself. Maybe you just need to make a tweak or 2 to feel better about everything.

Good luck!

[Artaddict in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for taking the time to give me such a thorough reply!! Honestly.. made me smile I will definitely try to do our "work together She loves to paint with me and sometimes we do that.. I think it's just better controlling my urges to finishing reading this fact or that lol and I am thinking that once you know you have a "problem" you can fix It! I am 34 and done wasting time lol

I also worry about time and the future.. I think that Is why i am on my phone all the time. Not scrolling you see. I am constantly looking for ways out of this daily grind you know?? Always just gettimng by.

1 step forward 2 steps back.

I want more for my child than what I had growing up.

And living in Vancouver is so expensive. Obsessed with making my side job of painting and or writing a real thing financially.. Or maybe to take them out to dinner here and there. Or a movie once in awhile lol.. definitely consuming me me.. I am aware that I am driven. And just need to better plan out my days.. i won't let this silly ADHD and half finished projects get in my way of a better future for my daughter!! I what her to have hope and less of a struggle for her life.

Thank you again for your kind words.. and for listening to my ramblings!!

A

[La_Indy in reply to Artaddict]

Congratulations on your new book! I will check it out. Thanks for sharing the info.

[Artaddict in reply to La_Indy]

Thank you!!

Thinking of putting together a poetry book as well!

Heres one I did 2 years ago.. before I found painting

SAD SONG

A little of that alittle of this..

Thoughts they seem to twist and twist..

Remebered once then forgotten twice

My mind is here stuck in a vice..

Happy now but for how long?

It only takes just one sad song..

Darkness creeps in it always does

A reminder of that thing that was..

Left in the past but still here today

Behind all I do and all that I say..

Lingering behind every sweet smile

A touch of sadness felt for awhile..

But the sun is up the sky is blue

Theres things to see and things to do

No time to sit and mope around

My girls awake such a beautiful sound

Shes laughing about a dream she had

I'm riding a pony and so is her dad..

Start to feel alive I think I'll be alright..

For when she's around life feels bright..

Her hand in mine we're out the door

At school she whispers, "I love you more"

I really am lucky what can I say?

I'm thankful every minute of every single day..

Get back home with a smile on my face

Feels too quite in this empty place..

Turn the radio on, music fills the house

Something about a cat and his wayward mouse..

Change the station and words spill out

Lingering emotions filled with doubt..

Feelings rush back.. sad thoughts too

Trying to not see them and feel so blue

All because that song came on..

The light dims, flickers and then its gone.

A

[Hidden in reply to Artaddict]

Wow. What a beautiful, honest and powerful picture of what life with ADHD is like. Hold on to that beautiful girl of yours and keep writing!

[Artaddict in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much!! I needed to hear this! It is so easy to just give up and say "I am not good enough".

I really appreciate your feedback,

A

[Hidden in reply to Artaddict]

Standing up to your inner voice or gremlin is very hard. Gremlins are really good at keeping us safe and small. What message would you like your inner voice to tell you instead?

[Artaddict in reply to Hidden]

"I can do this"

"I am good enough"

"You are not too small"

[Hidden in reply to Artaddict]

You got the idea! Yeah! How do these new messages feel to you?

What if your inner voice is particularly surly and the other messages come forward? What can you do to remind yourself of these new messages?

*edited to add: I put my coach hat on. You don’t need to answer these questions publicly. You do what you want with them.

[MaudQ]

I hyper focus sometimes as well. Two thoughts which basically agree with the excellent advice above. 1. Carve out time to permit yourself to lose yourself in your passions. Be realistic about how much time you need - if it takes two hours to get in and out of an art project, give yourself two hours. 45 minutes is justvsetting yourself up for failure. 2. Set a timer to help yourself stop! I have the Time Timer on my phone and also an app called Be Focused. I found this article to be really helpful additudemag.com/slideshows/...

Don’t go down the road of mama guilt. You are doing a good job!

[Artaddict in reply to MaudQ]

Thank you so much maud.. I will definitely check out the article. Anddd will look into that app! Anything called Be Focused sounds good to me!

I also wrote a COMPLETED (can you believe it, I still can't) an Amazon Kindle book called ADHD and Maybe Me by Amber Scott. It is a 4 hour window of what goes on inside an ADHD mind during a "family time movie". And the guilt I feel as I, again.. neglect all those around to focus on something else..

Its 2 bucks and I would love some feedback.. and to know perhaps it helped someone to read something similar to there own thoughts..

Check it out and spread the word!

#supportlivingartists

A

[Hidden]

Being present for your family when your brain is jumping from one thought to another is difficult. But it is evident that you care about them...would you feel guilty about it otherwise? I love all the ideas posted here...setting time limits, including your child in your art and poetry. Have your family members said that they feel like you're not there for them? I know sometimes I feel guilty about things that my children don't even think about.

[JkBrauer]

Artaddiict ,

You sound like a good mom who is way too hard on yourself. It is good to have a passion and be able to pursue it. When you are working on your art, set a little place up for your daughter and let her do an art project alongside of you or even maybe help with your project (mommy/ daughter project). This will help create a fun closer mommy-daughter relationship too. Chin Up! You're a good mom!

[Artaddict in reply to JkBrauer]

Thank you!! I needed to hear this today

[Hidden in reply to Artaddict]

SMILES!