Response to post about child saying, 'Let me fail on my own'.

My daughter really surprised me when I let go. She did really well for a few weeks and then she stopped writing her assignments down saying she could remember. She of course forgot books and we live 30 mins from the school. I told her that for one week, I will have to check in the parking lot at pick up that her assignments are written down and books in the bag. If she is successful for one week, then she gains the privilege to do it again on her own. This worked. I'll do the same if she slips again. I've found that it is extremely important for her to feel a sense of autonomy and that she needs to experience failure to learn as much as any neuro typical child does. Failure only becomes a problem when they think failing is abnormal and they lose all confidence in themselves that they're capable of taking charge of organizing their lives. If we're always saying, "You just can't do this because you have adhd.", they stop trying all together. Our jobs are harder in that they will take into their adulthood to develop these skills. But the more we keep them feeling it's OK to try and fail, the faster they will get there. If we give the message that failing is bad at all costs, they will not be OK with failing and give up. This is how my daughter responds at least. I think we need to be comfortable with the expectation that we will have to quietly monitor, and step in (more than with neuro typical children), using independence as their reward for successfully managing things on their own. Intervention for a week as a consequence. Good luck!

[Onthemove1971]

AMT2017- I am glad that in your situation a 1 week check in worked. But our child it would not! I alway start the year out giving him the ability to handle it on his own and it never works.

Also, I have never said or would I say ""You just can't do this because you have adhd". We don't discuss anything being linked to ADHD, we just strive to change.

The sadest part is that I know he can do so well! And he doesn't and that is the ADHD. For example he completes his school work at night, we discuss his "focus" before he walks out the door (turn the assignment in!) And he fails at turning it in so he gets an F... so frustrating and upsetting. We even have a list of tasks we make the night before and a seperate plastic binder with just what needs to be turned in. With middle school and 7 teachers if often feels impossible! I really understand why children are homeschooled, the lack of understanding and flexiability is amazing. Some teachers post NOTHING on their websites and have a "no late assignment" policy. The middle school also refuses to change schedules if you have a hard teacher that you are not working well with...

[Hidden]

I'm so glad this is working for you! I admit to jealousy. We are on our third binder, second backpack and third lunch box. Last week we turned in math homework three days late, it was done on Sunday. I have left her emails on her school email account, notes in her binder, notes in her lunch...My daughter doesn't know specifically what she has (she has been diagnosed with other things, but we're treating the ADHD first) and she can be manipulative so I also don't discuss side effects with her (she'll have a side effect in ten minutes and not be able to do anything). I am SO lucky to have teachers and a school that are responsive and really helpful right now, but I fear middle school with that many teachers...