My daughter just turned 8 and in 2nd grade (regular class). This is her 3rd year there. Shortly after school started (Aug. 8th) she fought me more about going to school (more than usual). She has always wanted to stay home with me and not go to school; she wants to do home school. She has been tardyjust about every day; some days just missed the tardy bell and others not to school till about 8:30 or even closer to 9:00. (tardy bell rings 7:45) The problem with home school is she doesn't do home work or reads a book much and most of the time she doesnt do what I ask her to do. Even at school the teacher has a hard time getting her to DO her work expecially wrighting and math; she says it is too hard and she doesn't understand it. (this includes simple addition I know she can do) she can be sweet but sometimes I wonder where my daughter disappeared to and who is in her body. She has ADHD Combined, OCD, ODD, Anxiety-NOS, and Sensory issue's. She is very strong willed and until is getting more defiant and she takes it out all on me. She says mean and hurtful things that sting real bad but I know it is not her saying it. She is throwing things a lot more often and getting mad easier (mostly at home). She holds it together at school except the focus, staying on task and fidgeting no behavioral problems yet. The only thing is in the morning when I get her to school most days I take her in the office or nurses office and have to have someone physically hold her and then I have to pry her legs off me and go quickly out t he door. Usually s he will fight with them trying to get away and ditch school (her words not mine) When she calls down and goes to class she has no other issues. She also wears the same clothes to school everyday. Thin pants & jeans, shirt & jacket (even though in AZ it is 100 or hotter) She also (without getting to graphic) gets constipated alot. She still wears diapers to bed and sometimes to poop. On weekends sometimes she wants to wear diapers all day long. She is not on Medicine for anything. I give her Miralax for constipation. She is a very picky eater and doesn't like most vegetables and fruits. The ones she likes bananas, milk and Apple juice or apples (witch she isn't eating at the moment) they are all constipation as she likes corn and it is hard to digest. Right now she is loving cucumbers. We will see how long that lasts. She is on difficult child to feed; she will like something and want it all the time.Then one day she hates and can't even eat it she won't touch it or if we talk her into eatting it she will spit it out and go to sink and rinse her mouth ok for awhile. The school wants to have a meeting so we can figure out how to get her to school on time. I I wake her up at 6 and she eats, brushes her teeth, goes poop then I clean the diaper up and get her dressed and brush her hair and then to school. (Not always in a timely manner). On the way to school (or at home) she says her belly hurts, she feels like an is going to throw up and that she feels hot and she she is sick. We go in and we have the nurse take her Temperture and it is normal. I know it is het anxiety and I tell her she will be OK. If you don't feel good at recess or lunch or any time in be tween to communicate and tell some and they will send you to the nurse and call me to come pick you up. She is just fine every day at the end of the school. If I let herget away with staying home (which I did once this year she said she had really bad headace) she had 3 really bad mornings following because she didn't want to go to school. Not sure what the school is going to tell me to do. Last year a fill in phycholisgist said that i had to take her to school on time no matter if she was ready or not. Diaper & p.j.s or what ever that she (the phycholisgist) would get it done. NO WAY DID I DO THAT. My daughter's selfestem is so low and anxiety is so high that would do more harm than good. As far as reward charts & praise don't work for my daughter; especially praise from me. It upsets her for what ever reason. It has gotten a little better but at a loss what to do. My husband is strongly against giving her anything at all (he sasys he is not putting his daughter on speed.) He doesn't deal with her at all he has told me he has given up on her, he just doest get her at all even after I told him about her diagnoses. She has a lot going on in that little head and most of the time she doesnt now what to do. He takes her pushing away personally and just yells at her to straighten up. He thinks she is the way she is because of me and the way I deal with her and take care of her.
Sorry for writing a book but just had to get this off my chest. I really don't have any support at all and my husband's work is messing with our insurance so even though we pay they don't always so we never know when or even if we have insurance.
I had her tested for Autism at SARRC here in AZ witch said she has some traights but she wasn't Autistic because she is to social. Makes me sooo mad they spent maybe 30 minutes with just my daughter in a small room away from me. She was having a good day till it was time to go and no one a round she had a major melt down screaming hitting me and trying to get away. I made sure she was secure then shut the door and took a break to catch my breath. I have had several people tell me my daughter is more autistic than their child which is a girl and very social and she makes eye contact, my Kianna won't but for a second maybe. She has a hard time communicating to adults especially.I am at a loss what to do. Also, she lies all the time about every little bitty thing. If I catch her she gets very upset and argues with me so I just drop it. I choose my fight with her. Gotta go get some dishes done and eat something. When we get insurance again I am thinking of taking her to a neurologist, to see if maybe he can give us some answers. Sorry again I am done for now.
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I’m really sorry you are going through this with out the support you need. My son is ADHD, ODD. He’s been on stimulant medication for 3 yrs now. My ex husband is very opposed to it, but it’s helped him greatly. This year he’s not as focused, and has gotten in trouble at school. I’m working closely with his Dr. and we are trying to find a new balance of medication. If I listened to his dad he’d still be spinning on the playground by himself, talking to a piece of string. You have to do what it takes to help your daughter. My son couldn’t read or write, had no friends before medication. It’s not perfect, there are side effects, but the benefits far out weighs them. There as also been issues with my ex yelling and mistreating my son. I’ve had to get my lawyer involved, finally I think he’s figured out new techniques to parent him, with help from his girlfriend. My son is very strong willed, and stubborn. You can’t rely on traditional parenting. Behavior modification is a must. I understand why your psychologist said to take her to school dressed the way she is, although it would be hard for me too. Mornings are much calmer for us. We created a breakfast menu together. We pick out clothes, and the breakfast he will be eating the night before. I also set timer for 10 minutes, he must be dressed, and at the breakfast table in that time frame. This year I bought him an alarm Clock for his room. I set it for 20 minutes before he technically needs to be up. This morning he woke himself up, popped a Pop Tart in the toaster. Got himself dressed , before my alarm went off. I couldn’t stop praising this behavior, my son was so proud! Hang in there. Your daughter and you are in my prayers.🙏
Wow - sorry to hear about all you are going through! *hug*
A few thoughts I had:
1. It definitely isn’t uncommon for one parent to be more resistant to the diagnosis / medication. My husband also said we would never medicate, and even suggested I just wanted to make life easy for me. I just kept going with research, and even tried a few of his ideas. Probably the BIGGEST help here was bringing him to any discussions with teachers / doctors / etc. He seems to take it much better coming from them. He’s still nervous to try medication (so am I), but I told him if I feel it becomes necessary, I’m going to push for it and not back down. (Right now our doctors tell us to wait & see how the school year goes.)
2. My son also gets constipated, to the point that he is in pain I keep suppositories at home. Thankfully he’ll eat prunes in the morning for me, but we also sometimes use fiber gummies - that my work for your daughter if she won’t eat vegetables. There are also fiber breads / cereals. Exercise and lots of fluids is also key - as the fiber can’t do much if there isn’t enough water for it to do it’s thing. This could potentially help with your nighttime issues as well. Sever constipation can actually cause runny stools, as that’s the only way to get around the blockage. My son as an infant would also only go while falling asleep- it was the only time his body relaxed enough. Thankfully he outgrew that (as it messed up every naptime.)
3. Praise works great for us - my son does like to please. However, I need to keep it calm and specific. If I get too excited with it, he gets overstimulated and starts losing self control. And just saying “good job” doesn’t do as well reinforcing the behavior. So, I just say “I like how you did on your writing homework” or “thank you for getting ready on time.”
4. Checklists, analog timers and a chore chart help us with behavior. But the biggest thing for us is keeping him on a consistent early bedtime.
5. I’m definitely NOT endorsing this, but caffeine is an OTC stimulant. Sometimes I give my son an ounce of my coffee to help him focus in school. It takes about 20 mins to kick in. However, it does raise his heart rate, which I am nervous to do without a physician monitoring, so it’s just a trick I keep in my bag for mornings he’s really getting crazy.
We have gummy fiber, fiber bread (she doesn't eat much, not a sandwich child). I give her Miralax, not comfortable doing suppositories. She drinks a lot of water.
She does like t o please everyone but me. She gets upset if I praise her, even just good job. Charts haven't worked much at all. She wants the prize at end but won't do what she needs to do. She will even try to trick you into yes see I did it and she didn't.
Early bed time haha, I have a hard time getting her to go to bed by 10 p.m.
The coffee thing she has been drinking my coffee since she was 2 or 3 years old. I have milk and a little sugar in it. Sometimes just a sip and other times a whole cup. She hadn't drank any or asked for any in a while.
When I was a kid there was a neighbor kid that had to have a cup of coffee before school to function. The teachers knew when he had no coffee. (He was ADHD but not sure if he's was actually diagnosed by doctor or not.
Yes, Kianna as a baby had bad dirty diapers, leaked out everywhere. She was a gasses baby also. When she farted or burped in public people would look at me in disgust. It was crazy loud.
You got two great replies but as I was reading your post, I kept thinking about the sensory issues. My seven-year-old son was recently diagnosed with SPD and has started Occupational Therapy. Just learning about SPD has helped me feel like I "get" him a little more. When he's crinkling the exam table paper at the doctor's office, it's still annoying and I still ask him to stop, but I know why he does it. He has a lot of anxiety and ADHD as well. He probably has ODD but I'm tired of acronyms! Your daughter has a lot of specific things she likes and does not like. That could be tied to SPD. Her extreme reactions could also be tied to it. They could also be ADHD but there are so many overlapping symptoms it's hard to tease them out without seeing a variety of specialists. Then it's all about what works. If she has sensory issues, OT can help a lot - as can your understanding of her sensory experiences. Now when my son gets overwhelmed, we roll him up like a burrito and I firmly massage the back of his body and press on him. We do brushing, joint compressions, and some other things that help with proprioception. We've also started having pillow fights. I've got super soft pillows for my couch and we can wack each other with them without any harm. It can take his cranky, name-calling, obstinate self and turn him into a giggling, loving little guy who I recognize!
Let's face it, we've got pretty terrible education here in AZ, but you still have rights and can pressure the school for a 504 plan or IEP. In my experience, they want to go with undocumented "response to intervention" but I just said, if we can do that, why not put it in a 504? IEPs require so much testing but a solid diagnosis and notes from providers can get you the 504 accommodations you need.
My son's belly hurts too and since he did have problems with constipation when he was younger, I make sure to get as much fiber into him as possible and I supplement with Miralax. I still check to make sure his BMs are regular as he is still wetting the bed nearly every night. Some days he doesn't want to go to school but he's a lot easier than your daughter. So if my guy is feeling sick in bed, I say well let's get up and see how you feel then. I may let him lay on the couch for a bit and then offer breakfast or even pretzels and ginger ale if he seems to be really stubborn about it. I've had to work hard at staying calm and not fretting over the time so I don't feel rushed and can be a source of calm for him. If I'm anxious, he's anxious too.
My husband and I have tried a few types of behavior modification and came up with a reward chip system that earns him screen time or small amounts of money. We combine daily reports from school and chips we give him at home when we catch him doing the right thing - or even controlling himself better than usual - and that works really well.
He saw a neuropsychologist who ruled out ASD based on his IQ and ability to interact with adults. His new psychiatric nurse practitioner has diagnosed ASD even though he wants to be social and tries repeatedly. He just doesn't know how to interact with his peers and it is starting to severely affect his self-esteem. His new provider is interested in getting to the bottom of his issues and even more importantly, find the treatments and interventions that work for him. It took me two years to find her - I "interviewed" psychiatrists and therapists and finally decided to look up Nurse Practitioners. They can prescribe and generally have a more holistic approach. I keep having to remind myself that not all professionals are a good fit for my son and that we need to have a good working relationship or we might not help him at all.
I'm sorry for all this rambling. I just can't help but wonder if SPD and or ASD are affecting your daughter. I know it's a lot and sometimes I break down and feel like an utter failure. I think that's pretty normal though for those of us dealing with neurodiverse children. Trust your gut. You may not have support locally, but you do have it here.
I believe she has high functioning Autism. The little I am learning about SPD it looks a lot like Kianna. I to am tired of the acronyms and they are a mouthful to say. All my life I have had bad experiences with doctors for many different reasons. I finally found a good doctor fo about 2 years and she up and left the state. Still trying to find a good new doctor for myself. I have had many bad doctors and specialists for Kianna. They tell me to make her eat more fiber, vegetables and fruit and make her sit on the toilet till she goes.
I never went back. I would like to see them try and do at least 1 of them. Ha Ha. They make me out to be a bad parent and my husband just soaks it in and rubs it in my face, "ha i told you you messing her up." She has an IEP and has speech once a week, she goes to the nurses office to use the bathroom because she has anxiety of kids watching her (some kids looked between the cracks at her a couple of times) she has extra time to do tests and work and when ever they do dibbles or oral readings or tests someone she is familiar with does it. Thanks for the response. It's good to know I am not the only one that feels like they are looking it.
Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I have gone through many of the same things. I started my daughter on adderal xr for her adhd when she was in 3 rd grade. She is now in 7th grade, and on vyvanse and strattera. It was a difficult deccision for me to start her on meds. It took several years before I finally gave into treatment with meds. She also has ADHD, ODD, anxiety, chronic constipation, history of encopresis and megacolon. The constipation was due to her ADHD,ODD,and anxiety combined. She would never sit long enough to empty her colon, and would not listen to us because of her defiance. She was also afraid to use the bathroom when she was in elem.school. This resulted in encopresis. Now she takes miralax every day for her constipation.
She also lies a lot, and at one point asked us to home school her. However, she never listens to us, so this would never work.
She is doing better this year, for the first time. She sees a pediatric psychiatrist for her meds, a psychologist for her anxiety, and she recently started a social skills group once a week with kids of same age and needs. She has had some deviant behaviors (stealing from me, disobeying house rules, hiding electronics and lying about it, etc.). I had to take away her chrome in school, because she broke school electronic policy.I will have to eventually give it back to her to use, so she doesn't fall behind. I met with the behavioral therapist who runs the social skilIs group therapy and he will be putting a parent-child contract to help with her ODD, and to help her make positive behavioral changes.
She has a 504 plan at school with a meeting coming up. I also had her evaluated for disability, and she has math dyscalculia. I am hoping she will qualify for special needs for math.
It definitely takes a lot of work. I realized my daughter needs the help of multiple specialties, at school and out of school. I hope you find the help you need in your area. Don't give up, and seek the help you need from outside sources. If one person does not help, change, and find someone else. It may mean driving 40 minutes outside your area, which I have done. It's not easy, and I can feel your pain.
Thank you. You bought tears to my eyes. I was reading it and a lot of it hit right on. Thanks. We have a week off to fall break. The following week is parent teacher conferences and I am anxious to see what the teacher has to say. I also have a meeting on Monday with the principle and supposedly the whole IEP team members to talk about the tardies. Also about am incident that happened after school. Still not sure what happened, just know they physically removed my daughter from the flag pole to the Psychologists office. I was literally only 2 or 3 minutes late (after the bell). When I got to office waited a little before someone came out looking for me. No sight of the Psychologist or the principle. Kianna was under a table trapped by a lady sitting on the floor in front of her not letting her out. Poor Kianna looked like a caged animal pacing back & forth trying to find a way out (on her hands & knees) The person (do not know who she was) told Kianna she had to stand up like a big 2nd grader that she is and walk to your mom. You are not going till you stand up like a big girl and walk out. She finally stood up arms crossed and stomped out of there quickly. She was so anger and she took it out on me in the car and at home. Not sure if I will be able to keep it together for the meeting.
So sorry to hear that. It sounds like the school is not giving her the help she needs. You have rights under the disabilities act, so write out all your questions and ask for their help. You can research the IEP and 504 plan for ADHD ahead of the meeting. You can also ask for disability testing. My daughter's psychologist attended a couple of the meetings also. The school may not like it because they have a school psychologist, but it doesn't matter. If you have a therapist for your daughter, who you trust and who knows your child, you can ask them to attend. Good luck, and don't be afraid to advocate for your child.
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Not sure what the school is going to tell me to do. Last year a fill in phycholisgist said that i had to take her to school on time no matter if she was ready or not. Diaper & p.j.s or what ever that she (the phycholisgist) would get it done. NO WAY DID I DO THAT. My daughter's selfestem is so low and anxiety is so high that would do more harm than good. As far as reward charts & praise don't work for my daughter; especially praise from me. It upsets her for what ever reason. It has gotten a little better but at a loss what to do. My husband is strongly against giving her anything at all (he sasys he is not putting his daughter on speed.) He doesn't deal with her at all he has told me he has given up on her, he just doest get her at all even after I told him about her diagnoses. She has a lot going on in that little head and most of the time she doesnt now what to do. He takes her pushing away personally and just yells at her to straighten up. 
Your daughter has a lot of specific things she likes and does not like. That could be tied to SPD. Her extreme reactions could also be tied to it. They could also be ADHD but there are so many overlapping symptoms it's hard to tease them out without seeing a variety of specialists. Then it's all about what works. If she has sensory issues, OT can help a lot - as can your understanding of her sensory experiences. Now when my son gets overwhelmed, we roll him up like a burrito and I firmly massage the back of his body and press on him. We do brushing, joint compressions, and some other things that help with proprioception. We've also started having pillow fights. I've got super soft pillows for my couch and we can wack each other with them without any harm. It can take his cranky, name-calling, obstinate self and turn him into a giggling, loving little guy who I recognize! 
New here. 
Hoping for a good school week
I am new, need guidance to help my daughter with ADHD.
Need therapy suggestions for anger and violent behavior
Teacher asked if I would be willing to stop Ritalin. 
