Help with homework

[Alzeh]

Can anybody help me with getting my son to do his homework? We have been at it to three hours I'm getting nowhere? Does anybody have any great ways to get him to do his homework?

[shellyn04]

does your child take medication? mine does. if we wait into the evening to late to do homework, or if his meds are off homework is awwwwwful!!! he whines and tells me how unfair homework is longer than it would take us to do the homework. not that its EVER easy.

[Janice_H]

Hello, homework should not take more than 30 minutes to 1 hour. Going beyond the 30 minutes is not really effective for a child with attention concerns. Our kids have already been sitting in a classroom for 6 or more hours. Their attention span is gone by the evening.

What I have begun to do with my 6th grader with ADHD is to complete the easiest assignments at night. I do not have him sit more than 20-30 minutes after dinner. In the morning I get up 1 hour earlier than I typically would to complete any additional homework after breakfast. Our mornings have been less hectic because we sit down and watch cartoons with our breakfast, then move onto the homework. He has seemed more confident with himself having been able to complete everything without the nightly charade of him struggling with the work and being frustrated. This new routine has eliminated most of the night time stress and I am not yelling over homework anymore.

[Irly]

I have the same issue. What seems to help is after school program w diff ppl beside family members n put on med recommended by the doc. The med I gave for my girl is called Focalin. It’s not for everyone but it helps with mine.

[Aniusia]

Homework is a nightmare! My son is 14 and he would do anything to avoid it. He’s laying, he is hiding it, he swears there was no homework.

He is allowed to turn in homework one day later then the rest of the classmates, so if it’s impossible to finish it in one day, I know he still has a day.

You can try to make a deal. Instead of taking away privlages , promise something he likes. Ex. 1 week of doing homework without too much drama , will give him 2h extra play time ( electronics) on the weekend. Whatever works. They need time to mature and be responsible for their actions, but they are not there yet.

[Onthemove1971]

Great suggestions! I would like to add if your child has a IEP (individual Education Plan or a 504 plan these things can be addressed. No more than 30-1hour and then you hand it in. Homework is not meant to be a negative experience if it is I would make sure like others say, he has medication (if this is something your familiy agrees with). Also depending what is written into his plan there can be modifications to the amount.

Best of luck, please don't suffer or make him.

[5Flyingeagle]

My daughter is in 2nd Grade, and not medicated. She has not done any homework even in Kindergarten. Our school doesnt really doesn't seem too concerned. I asked and all they said is that "It (homework) is soon to be a thing of the past. They think, because they can't prove who did the work." My concern is her saying she doesn't like math and writes IDK (I don't know) on her paper and doesn't do it. She tells me it is too hard. Not sure if she just wants to get out of doing it or it is too hard. Sorry.

[anirush]

We don't do homework. My grandson is just not stable enough in the evenings. We have it built into his IEP that he has three extra days to turn work in. He has a study hall during the day when his School liaison helps him do his work.

[therapystudent]

One trick that helped me and my son was I would set a timer for about 30 mins for him to work then a timer for 15 mins where he could play. This way the 15 mins of play helped him get the wiggles out. It also all depends on your son as each child is different. Just keep at it trying different things to find out what works best for both of you. Stay strong, I know the stress of homework. Good luck.

[nurse_nelly]

my son who is now almost 13 has had issues with this since 2nd grade. Now in the 7th grade. We got him an IEP last year and one of the stipulations is that they have to make sure homework is done in school. It has helped my family out so much as it was a constant 2-3 hour argument every day after school. His grades have went for F's to A's and B's. With that being said, homework should only take 30-60 min. Even after 30 min a child looses interest...

[seller]

You don't say how old your son is, but my opinion is that all homework except for very rare instances should be done at school or immediately after school, but never at home. My son is now 23, but the years of the "homework wars" remain fresh in ALL of our minds. I can't tell you how many evenings were ruined by fights over homework. We did give him a short-acting Ritalin before dinner, but this didn't help his already-disrupted sleep patterns. And let's not forget the lost homework......the furious fights over homework not turned in or stuffed in a locker! I would have your son's IEP written to state no homework taken home. And I can say with complete honesty that NONE of the homework was of any use anyway. (Studying for a test may be the exception here.) All those worksheets, lists of spelling words, etc over the years didn't serve any purpose except to make my son hate school even more than he already did.

[doughertyfamily]

Great comments and suggestions. Our daughter is in 10th and we learned the HARD way over the past year that: 1-rewards, incentives and positive reinforcement are the only measures that work for her, NO punishments, harsh words, nagging, taking away phone, etc. and 2-she has to find the motivation to complete it. No one can do this for her. This year on the advice of her therapist, we told her she's in charge. We'll help in any way we can, but it's your future so it's up to you. She turns work in or not, but now understands the consequences (lower GPA, strained teacher relationships, peers surpassing her). She now advocates for help and extra time with her teachers herself. After a bumpy start to the year, it's actually working. For the first time she's asking for help with teacher emails, advice on strategies to get stuff done and is planning her week in advance. She gets additional help from her therapist and school counselor for organization and EF. She is SO proud of herself! We tell her often how proud we are of her, great job on every little victory. She doesn't want to fail, so she turns poor grades around pretty quickly. There are lots of good motivational tools on ADDitude and Understood.org.

[Mythreesons2017 in reply to doughertyfamily]

Your daughter sounds exactly like my 14 yr old son. No punishment works at all. But positive reinforcement goes a long way. My problem is he always has one maybe two teachers that believe in the ADHD thing. Like how he has a biology teacher and cane out and told us whatever medicine he is on is t working and should be in special ed classes. My son has a huge problem with shutting down when a teacher confronts him or asks him about why he is doing something or why he didn’t do a homework assignment etc. and when he dislikes a teacher which is actually Tatar he doesn’t have any drive or desire to want to do well in that class. How do I get a teacher like that on board or is it a waste of time?? We have also told hi this year it’s up to him he has to decide how his high school career is going to go. No more punishments and you will have to suffer the consequences for anything you do. It’s so hard for me to do that. I am a stay at home dad so I’m already emailing teachers trying to have them check up on him etc. I’m really struggling with this. Guess I needed to vent. Thanks for your ear!!

[shellyn04]

i hear ya mythreesons2017!! i came on here yesterday just because i was sooo frustrated and stressed about my sons lack of progress in school. i just don't know what to do to help?!! but i'm still working on it!! it was sooo nice to hear i wasn't all by myself with the struggles. i like the suggestions too!! the schools don't always give us options, but if YOU ask for them, they will help you implement them! weird... hang in there, they are amaaazing kids, but school is just not easy for them.

[1lama3]

When my son was younger I didn't know he had ADHD but would have homework issues. I would start off with a high protein snack before even starting and that would help. Good luck.

[Alzeh]

Thank you all so much for your replies found some very helpful information and new ways to deal with homework. Today's homework was completed very quickly and successfully. I am going to go to the school and speak to them and see if they can help him out more in school than at home because I think once he comes home he needs to relax more because he's in school for too many hours as it is. All your comments have been very helpful.

[RaquelMonique]

Hi Alzeh, we went through the same experience. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating. Ultimately, medication helps. Also, if he doesn’t already have an IEP or 504, request one and raise this issue. He could receive accommodations.

[RenoSue in reply to RaquelMonique]

It was hard for my Daughter and her wife to start the first child with ADD and tourettes on medication. Daughter was for it and wife was resistant. Child was way out of control. Daughter finally convinced wife with two reasons. First, what if it worked and child asked at 7 why they didn't try it sooner? Second, if it didn't work after trying to stabilize, they could stop. Child improved greatly with medication and therapy for both child and parents. Saved Daughter's marriage. With additional support live is much improved. There is hope but not every day will be unicorns and fairies.

[Afnj]

Hi - I feel your pain with homework. Additude magazine just had a webinar yesterday on this topic and there were lots of great ideas. You should be able to listen to the webinar for a month or so. It's on there now. additudemag.com/tag/webinar/

[MommaMc02]

I am new here. My 8 year old was officially diagnosed this spring. I knew he had it an I had to advocate for everything. Anyways, we struggle with homework also. It is a battle an I have found positive reinforcement helps. Also no distractions. Still we struggle. Just tonight we did home work for almost 4 hrs. We are catching up because he was out of school for two days. I have spoke with his teacher an she knows about the ADHD and is a Dr. That went to school on it so she understands. But I know now I have to get his IEP going. He is struggling so much more this year 3rd grade has started out rough. Thanks y'all for the info. I feel alone cause my husband does not really believe in the whole ADHD. And has yet to help me help my son. He does things his way and that in itself is a huge issue. But I am going to talk to the school tomorrow and get the IEP extended he already has one for speech.

[gra1son]

My son has this. It was sheer H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS when he was growing up.

I read the book "Driven to Distraction" and finally felt good.

That book started stitching my soul back together.

And I'm here to tell anyone who cares that kids don't "grow out of it". They have to be taught to manage it.

My son will be 24 this year and he is one of the most charming and intelligent people you could ever hope to meet.

Of course, he just confessed to his father that he has lost his keys (on a lanyard) to his apartment and so has had to go to work leaving his apartment unlocked.

And there we *still* have it...

Also, you should be cautious. As I learned from experienced and when working on ADHD research with upwork.com med professionals are working from protocols that show a minority of kids experience significant side effects. You have to supplement that with instinct, research, & common sense. For example, in what context would it make sense to deliver stimulants or other psychotropics to a developing brain? What if your kid is among the minority who experience significant side effects, & how would you distinguish them from the effects of normal hormonal changes, & would you figure that out next year or in 5 yrs when he has become skinny, nervous, & depressed? Don't count on FDA or your doc to fill you in on the downside; the U.S. healthcare policy lists toward big-pharma influence. You are a big step ahead of most with psychotherapy in place. I found family therapy even more helpful if you can bear it. But beware the shrinks: I would trust only a specialist in Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (hard to find), or that rare bird, the true chemist [psychopharmacologist, maybe find thro therapist], who starts w/ tiny doses, & who can tease out differences between anxiety/ depression, childhood bipolar, ADD.

Most important is to ask why you would take such risks. It is obviously safer to seek supports at school (thro IEP) & use therapy, while waiting for neural systems to mature (which they usually do). If you're considering drugs to fit into a school system which has no room for any but the average kid, think seriously about an alternative.

[Madmarie]

Find something they like to do after school. My son loves to go up to his school, and play basketball with his friends. He knows if there’s too much drama, and negativity there will be no basketball time w/ friends. We belong to a YMCA, I use that in the winter time. Ours, has a indoor pool, and basketball court. We occasionally go to the indoor trampoline park, during school week. These things seem to work for my son. MOST of the time... lol

[mvang03]

Yes. I end up doing my sons homework! It takes too long. I swear the teacher is punishing me.

A known secret.

You need to take breaks in between.

You need to be sensitive to their needs

& make homework fun!

Please don’t make them sit there for 30mins +...

let them fidget, sit on a ball. My son comes alive when we take breaks & afterward we get back into homework. Hope it helps