How’d you know?

As a mother of a rambunctious 3 year old, it’s hard to distinguish the difference between an average active 3 year old and a 3 year old who’s displaying signs of hyperactivity. What were the signs for you? What prompted you to get your child evaluated/services?

[Onthemove1971]

Jimkyswife83-This is a great question, one of the biggest differences for us is when our child is not on medication he is not able to sit still without fidgiting with something all the time.

Also, when asked to stop doing something he is involved in he will not

(a child without ADHD will quickly stop what they are doing without emotions). Also our son will talk alot or tell a story that will go on and on without and end to it and he will not really see that it is an issue.

I am sure others will add more but I think these are more "classic". There are specific issues but these are more with each child. My child is hyper sensitive to anything with being hurt becuase he has other medical issues. Like I have a hurt xxx or any small cut he is over dramatic about where a child without ADHD would bandaid and move on. Mine cries and talks about it a lot because he is over worried about going to the hospital.

[Hidden in reply to Onthemove1971]

It just seems difficult to distinguish the two at this age, but yet we’re still “required”, by our son’s school, to follow up with his behaviors. He’s super smart, but has a great deal of non-threatening aggression—if that makes sense. For example: he pushes in school, but never out of anger. He goes through a biting phase on and off, but he apparently doesn’t bite to hurt anyone. He loves attention, he’s fearless, he doesn’t quite understand the dangers of certain things, so he often tests limits—often looking at an authoritative figure for confirmation. 99% of his behaviors solely occur at school with his peers. We don’t have the same problems at home. He’ll focus on tasks that he likes, but will often hyper focus on something that he likes if you allow him to. He throws toddler tantrums, but they don’t last for more than a few minutes, and we’ve never said that those tantrums were outlandish and out of our control. However, since we don’t have other kids, or aren’t around others his age often, it’s difficult to tell. At times I think that his school overreacts, and other times we feel that maybe we should get him checked out. Overall, we’re prepared to do what we need to do to for him to thrive in life. Boy, parenting is rough!

[EJsMom]

I think it can be hard to differentiate between regular pre-school age boy behaviors and adhd behaviors, at that age. A lot of the behaviors overlap.

I agree with onthemove, in general, it seemed all behaviors were more extreme with my son.

At age 3, he was fearless. He was not afraid of danger, people, animals or anything. For example; at the playground, about age 4, he climbed this very large rock, meant for older kids/adults to climb. Also, he would talk to anyone. He never looked around to see if I was nearby or looked to me for reassurance.

His tantrums were extreme, when compared to other kids his age.

Not just crying cuz he didn’t get his way, but crying and trying to destroy things, while kicking a wall or hitting his head against it. The tantrums also had to run their course. I couldn’t talk him down. My other boys would have tantrums too, but after a couple minutes, I could talk to them and turn it around.

He could also play for hours with Legos, and ignore everything else, even eating. Trying to get him to stop an activity was a fight. I learned to give him a fifteen minute warning. Then a five minute warning etc. That did help.

I had the advantage of having two boys before him, so I could tell as soon as he could walk and talk that he was different. I look back now and can’t believe we’ve made it this far. He’s 14 now. Such a journey it has been.

Raising children is always a huge sacrifice and it’s hard to see the rewards sometimes. But I really believe that he has taught me as much as I’ve taught him.

Good luck with your journey !

[Klau07 in reply to EJsMom]

Hey! If you don’t mind me asking? How is he now? Can he control himself? I’ve heard other parents once they grow they can actually control themselves with no problems. I know ADHD doesn’t go away but I’m curious. Thank you for helping us.

[EJsMom in reply to Klau07]

Sorry for the delay in response.

He is 14 now. He’s much better but he’s still more difficult than kids without adhd. He doesn’t throw fits or break things or get aggressive anymore.

But he argues about everything which is very tiring for me and his teachers.

Also, he can sit at school and do nothing. He will refuse to complete schoolwork and no one can make him change his mind.

[Klau07 in reply to EJsMom]

🤦‍♀️Ok . Sounds like mine! Thank you

[Pennywink]

Hi!

3 is probably pretty young to be diagnosing, unless it’s severe, since most of this could still be normal development. But it never hurts to ask your pediatrician and let them know what behaviors the school is seeing.

With my son, we did a screening at age 5, but our pediatrician thought we should wait one more year to see if he’d still mature out of it. Evaluated again at 6, and got an ADHD diagnosis.

I will say, my son has always seemed just a little bit “more”, but we didn’t know what until Ibstarted reading about ADHD, and it seemed to explain a lot pretty well. He sometimes seems better at home than at school, as at home he gets to do mostly what activities interest him, versus at school where he follows a curriculum.

Preschool was probably the biggest help in identifying which behaviors were really more than the norm to report to the pediatrician, even if we didn’t get the diagnosis at that time.

[Onthemove1971]

Jimmyswife83-

Just curious have you had your child with other kids ( like at your house for a playdate?) so you can really see the difference.

The hyperfocus is a big thing, but the not being willing to give up when told over and over to leave something becuase they are to still focused on it.

As far as the school "overreacting", I would be careful in judging the school they have a big job to do often and they tend to overprotective because they don't want anyone getting hurt. Clearly I don't know anything about your situation, but from what I have seen they error on the safe side. This can be annoying to the parent who has to do extra things because of this.

Talking and talking is a hugh difference.

But again children who ADHD don't have to have all of the symptoms.

I am curious if you feel like you "give in to him becuase of his behavior". You said you don't see any of this at home, sometimes people say that and it might be becuase they just accommodation for their child's behavior. I know one family where they just allow the child to do and eat anything the child wants. So they said "We don't have any issues at all". What they didn't realize is everything they were doing was not helpful becuase the 5+ hours of violent video game were harming the kid and the fatty foods. I'm not saying you are like this, but interesting he doesn't act like this at home, I wonder if part of it is becuase it has to do with peer relationships.

Hope this helps.

[Hidden in reply to Onthemove1971]

My son has play dates sometimes, and acts like the other kids. Most times, it’s with close friends who have kids his age. We often speak candidly about our children, and I ask how they feel his behavior is. No one seems to think anything other than the fact that he appears to be an active 3 year old behaving as he should.

However, his school seems to think otherwise. They’ve stated that he’s often inattentive, though, extremely bright and learns fast. They mentioned that he’s “all over the place”, and sometimes pushes and hits his classmates. He also went through a biting phase which appeared to disappear after a month. I speak about his school because they’re a child psychology development center, which is supposed to be geared towards developing youth and often assessing their behaviors to distinguish the best methods of applying appropriate interventions. They’re partnered with the best local university to provide these services, but are having difficulty in doing so. My son poses no real threat to anyone. So I think that it’s important that my husband and I hold them accountable, as much as they hold us accountable.

We have to remember that just because the school considers themselves the expert sometimes, they don’t always have the answers.

As far as us giving into his behavior, that’s not the case, either. We’re firm with him. We’re old school. But we also find balance, and choose our battles so that it does not appear as though we’re being too hard on him—as he’s still a young child. For instance, we bought him an iPad for his birthday—(actually a gift for us all) to keep him occupied when we’re out and about. But then we figured out that he liked it so much, that he’d ask for it every waking moment, so we scaled back and put limitations on it. I realized with him, if it’s out of sight, it’s out of mind. So now he appreciates time he has with it when we let him use it. We try to utilize every opportunity as teachable moments.

[nurse_nelly]

We actually knew my son was different when he was 3 (now 12) . He was much more hyper than our oldest son and he had no fear. Would run from us in busy parking lots thinking it was a game and it was funny. We always had to lock the doors because he would jet outside and we wouldn't even know it. He was very sneaky about it. He would make loud high pitched noises that would drive us crazy..... When he started pre-school they noticed it as well... That's when we decided to have him evaluated. I just couldn't keep up with him and we had a newborn baby to boot.... Yes we started him on meds and yes we saw a HUGE improvement until about the middle of 4th grade. Overtime the meds would make him very angry when they were wearing off. This caused a big issue. He would hit himself, tell us he wanted to kill himself, throw chairs and such.. It was AWFUL! The dr. would then add a medication like an antidepressant, and that wouldn't work so we would change adhd meds, that wouldn't work then she would add a psych med, that wouldn't work .. and so on and so forth.. It because a CONSTANT battle. This last school year (6th grade) he ended with 3 F's. (NEVER IN SPECIAL ED UNTIL 6th GRADE) He always done well in school and so we knew something he was on was obviously not working. We took him off of everything and yes he is still hyper but he is much happier and manageable. My suggestion is if your thinking of putting your child on meds WATCH for every side effect and DONT let the Dr. add a medication just to "make" things better. In my opinion if they have to add something then that ADHD med is NOT the correct med for your child. My son will be entering the 7th grade in 11 days and I am a nervous wreck. He is so athletic but if he is failing more than 2 classes he wont be able to play sports. This is the ONLY thing that keeps him going and makes him feel like he fits in with all the other kids. He has LOTS of friends and I am sure its because he EXCEEDS at sports so the kids think he is pretty cool.

Keep your head up! Get your child involved in LOTS of activities to let the energy go! Good luck!

[Hidden in reply to nurse_nelly]

Thank you. My son doesn’t have too many stand out behaviors other than his hyperactivity. We’re pretty good at helping him de-escalate when he’s hyped up, but we’re just trying to make sure that he gets what he needs before going to preschool when he’s 4. We know that these behaviors can worsen if we don’t get a handle on it soon. He’s scheduled for an assessment in November.

[Crunchby]

Great question! Mine freaked out at preschool. When they put her in a room to settle down, she destroyed it. So, looking back, she is now 11, she really could not regulate her emotions as other kids her age could. With no dopa mine going to the frontal lobe, she was like a wild animal.

[Hidden in reply to Crunchby]

Wow. My son just can’t transition from play time to storytime without having a conversation with him. He’s not destructive—(yet), but we’re working really hard at getting him to relax more and focus on tasks at hand. We’ve often been told that our expectations are high for a 3 year old, but like most people say, you know your kids. And you know what they should and shouldn’t be doing. Thank you for your information.

[Crunchby in reply to Hidden]

I wish I had listened to Dr. Russell Barkley's video on youtube when she was that age. Honestly, you can't 'fix' some of this just through parenting. Link is on my profile..check it out.

[Shamglo8]

My son has ADHD and odd at the three I knew something was wrong he was super active never could sit still. I also remember he never took naps which was very odd to me because I have two other children who did. I discussed my concerns with the doctor but he said that were just active. The best advice I can give you is to ask a professional who specializes in ADHD. A mother always knows if something is not right. I wish I had of did things a lot earlier. My son was diagnosed in second grade and fell behind in school currently has to have tutor for summer break. Good luck and I hope he doesn't have ADHD because it truly sucks to watch your child struggle day to day.

[Hidden in reply to Shamglo8]

My son will be evaluated in the fall, so we’re doing what we can to be ahead of the curve. I’m ok with him having ADHD, if that’s what he has. As parents, we do what we have to do. I know lots of folks that would trade in their children’s health—(cerebral palsy/cancer, etc.) for an ADHD diagnoses, in a heartbeat. We count our blessings, and take care of our babies—and we pray for strength to be able to.

Side note: my husband has ADHD, so I get it—and have been coping with a super smart/supportive/providing, yet super “absent” partner for the past 10 years. We make it happen and keep pushing forward.

[Shamglo8]

I agree with you as parents we do what we have to do for our kids. I also have a child with cerebral palsy totally night and day compared to my son. My husband I believe has ADHD as well but hasn't been diagnosed. I would love to get advice from you on how to deal with absence perspective and other issues of ADHD spouse from you.We have been married for 11years and it's been a battle. I sometimes feel like just giving up on the marriage because it seems as if I'm doing everything from chores to outside work kids etc. list goes on. I definitely do lots of praying because I could've never came this far on my own. My son has gotten really better over the years. I'm glad to come to know this site because it lets me know that I'm not alone. Best of luck!

[Pennywink]

I'm not sure I'd try this on a 3 year old, or hold this as any scientifically approved litmus test, but I think what really convinced me was how my son responds to certain substances.

He frequently had reverse symptoms. Benedryl does not make him remotely sleepy. Being tired does not make him sleepy - he actually gets endlessly hyper.

So, on a hunch, I tried giving him a small amount of caffeine (basically an OTC stimulant.) And within @ 30 mins it seriously calmed him down. That was kind of a light bulb moment for me, and the pediatrician did mention it was a big help in making the diagnosis.