Please help me with advise - CHADD's ADHD Pare...

CHADD's ADHD Parents Together

20,274 members5,669 posts

Please help me with advise

Severianoj profile image
51 Replies

Please help! I don’t know what else to do with my 9 year old he has adhd and the teacher is always talking to me about him not focusing and him getting distracted in class and talking a lot. Today the teacher had to send him out of class because he was talking too much and disturbing others. I know my son is a smart boy and I know it’s hard for him to get focus in class when he really wants to learn, but it hurts me to hear his teacher almost everyday about how he’s acting up. I cry and I try to put things together to help him but I don’t know what else to do. This hurts me a lot and I just don’t know what other way I can help my son. I already try the yoga ball in class, and the teacher also has move him by himself in one big table to not get too distracted, what else can I try Please help me. Thank you!

51 Replies
ha11 profile image

awww i can feel ur pqin my son teacher also say this after two or 3 days that he was not focussing not answering

also not do good when maths test comes .

what shud we do God and yess too painful ehen teachwr send him,

out for u as well

but still u r lucky ur son is smart talk to him daily hug him

daily how old is he .

i have just prayers 😣😣😣

my son is in inclusion of first grade having iep

and hes not a bright student homework struggles

Severianoj profile image
Severianoj in reply to ha11

My son is 9 years old now but been struggling since he’s was 5 years old, And yes all we can do is pray for our kids for things to get better.

mvang03 profile image
mvang03 in reply to Severianoj

yes pray but do also. You are his biggest helper.

andileemh profile image

Have you tried a small-scale positive reward system at all? I know it doesn't help every kid, but it does seem to help our 7 year old. His teacher has a behavior page that 's just for him and it is broken down into each class section. If he can focus relatively well for one class, he gets a thumbs up mark. Each class he has to earn that, a whole day was just too long to keep him focused on his behavior but breaking it down into 30 -60 minutes class periods helps him remember and gives him a small positive reward each time he can do it. Then at the end of the day the sheet comes home to us and he earns rewards at home for how many thumbs up he has. Nothing big, an extra story at bedtime, and extra minecraft video, the choice to pick what cartoon the kids watch before bed, stuff like that. I can't say it always works, but it has helped most days.

Severianoj profile image
Severianoj in reply to andileemh

Yes he had one of those for his 2nd grade teacher and it did help because I would see that during a section of class he won’t not listen and the other half he would. So I can try to ask this teacher to do this for him to see if it helps. Thank you

Farran profile image
Farran in reply to andileemh

We tried this behavior chart (day being broken down into daily activities with his teachers at school) with our son In Kindergarten. He got his diagnosis at the end of that school year but has shown signs of ADHD sine he could walk or should I say run. This positive reward system did not work for us. It was a very negative experience and only caused feelings of despair, depression, frustration, and Was always disheartening on a daily basis. That being said the system does work for some.

123boys profile image
123boys in reply to andileemh

I would second trying this if you haven’t already. Like a andileemh said, they don’t work for every kid but worth a try.

ha11 profile image

u ever medicate???

i tried this yearfrom my country

Severianoj profile image
Severianoj in reply to ha11

No I never tried any medication for him I’m to scare to try it, I don’t want him to get addicted to it when he’s older and think that he has to have it all the time.

MunchkinMommy537 profile image
MunchkinMommy537 in reply to Severianoj

Most ADHD medications are fast acting, meaning they work quickly but also leave the system quickly. ADHD is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, and medications can help balance those chemicals. You can try other methods (diet changes, therapy, essential oils), but please at least do your research and talk to a psychiatrist about the different medication options available so you can get your son the best help for him. Good luck.

Kully profile image
Kully in reply to Severianoj

I feel your pain, as that was my life, with my son and his teachers. Every day, I was told about how my son was distracted and how he had trouble staying on task. We tried several natural remedies for focus, like Cod Liver Oil, zinc, etc., but nothing worked. We ultimately made the decision to try stimulant medication. I have done extensive research on the potential risk of addiction or abuse of the stimulants, and I have found that the research indicates that there is no risk of abuse/addiction. Someone mentioned to me that as children get older, their self-esteem is effected by their ADHD. They start to think they are "bad" or "stupid" and they wonder what is wrong with them. When I heard that, it broke my heart and gave me the strength to do what I needed to do to help my son get on a level playing field with his peers. Medication has done that. My son can now stay on task in class, he doesn't distract other kids. He actually wants to take his medicine every morning because he says it helps him stay focused. He is getting all As and Bs, which would not be possible with out medication. We have tried several different types of medication and we still haven't found the perfect one. My son is naturally skinny and stimulants do tend to suppress appetite. We try to give him a big breakfast with lots of fat and protein to keep him sustained through the school day. Then we give him a big dinner at night. It seems to work well and he hasn't lost any weight.

I suggest you consult with a psychiatrist - preferably a child psychiatrist. Your pediatrician may be able to recommend one in your area. ADHD is real and it is treatable. There is hope for you and your son! Best of luck to you!!

Nanchli profile image
Nanchli in reply to Kully

this is excatly what happened to my son "Someone mentioned to me that as children get older, their self-esteem is effected by their ADHD. They start to think they are "bad" or "stupid" and they wonder what is wrong with them"

His self esteem is VERY LOW AND he thinks he is bad and stupid and his life is not worth it :( you are so right

My son is almost 18 and he dont want to get medicated now, We are still looking for other options (ALmost for a miracle) while praying if medication is an answer to our questions please lead us to that path GOD, life has been HARD, HOPE is carrying me through!

ha11 profile image

my doc said to give him till 14

but yeah ibrespect your decision

or u also talk to some doc or some therapies or

hes good in classvtests and quizzes

if so then keep on talking to ur son pray pray hard

ha11 profile image

and dont get on nerves what teacher says but try to ask suggestions u know ur child best

Severianoj profile image

Thank you I’m going try to do therapies and hope that can help.

ha11 profile image

Yes do tryy

and talk talk to ur boy ad much love him and tell daily in svhool how to behave

i daily gimm my son reminders

My doc said medicate him otherwise it could worse so i started with lil dose

but i always talk and love and help and pray for him tell him u hav to be good in school today leave rest on God

Severianoj profile image
Severianoj in reply to ha11

Thank so much for this advise I appreciate it a lot. This gives me more strength to me and my son to keep trying. Thank u again. :)

ha11 profile image

yes dear its a longgg struggle till our kids pick some carreer

dnt get down keep on trying if we will get down who will take care of our kids .

We have to fightveach day and we will God send everybody with fate . When ever i feel down i pray hard talk to smbdy and read the struggles of kids and people who are far more severe than us

Then again i stand and get strength.

2amanda2883 profile image
2amanda2883 in reply to ha11

I totally needed to hear this right now!! I have been at my wits end with my son and his teacher’s notes. I feel so hopeless and defeated.

Severianoj profile image
Severianoj in reply to 2amanda2883

Don’t worry I know how u feel, and hearing your child teacher telling u that your child is not focusing is really hard to hear because there our kids and we love them and we want the best for them. Just pray and love them and hope the next day well be better.

I know exactly how u feel my son was the same way a coupl3 months to go i would cry and cry in my car during lunch and on the way home what am i doing wrong....what else can i do....wjy isnt anything working....i decided to switch meds and schools i have a completely different 8 year old he gets happy faces all week on his contract his counselor made for him is he on anything? It was my last resort but i had to do something for him not only was i suffereing he was...his little mind was goingcrazy and he wasn't balanced

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to

which medi he is on ??

I started with risperidone

but focus problem is still here

in reply to ha11

He's on vyanze and abilify and fluxtotine

FINDMYSON profile image


I went through the same thing with my 9 year old. We started trying everything other than meds for his first 3 years of school. He had the 504 program in school, they purchased desks, chairs, heavy stuffed toys for his lap, separated him from the rest of the class ......extra reading help...and in the last month of 2nd grade I gave in to the meds. Within 2 weeks his teacher emailed me with words of praise and thank yous because my son's behavior and focus had made 180 degree change and that is when he started to show his potential.

Before meds he was below his reading level by almost 2 grade levels, in one school year he was at his grade level and his writing improved 100 percent. He was ahead in math and his report cards began to say "your son is a pleasure to have in class".......

Although we are having some issues getting his meds adjusted to last long enough through the day and be as effective as they were in the beginning, he still is doing well in school. I hated the idea of medicating him but I could watch him continue to struggle when I know he is a very smart little boy. It is not a cure all and we still have a lot to work on but it was a great start.....I hope this helps you......good luck.

Saharmirbolouk profile image
Saharmirbolouk in reply to FINDMYSON

Did you notice any med side effect so far?

nawilliamsjr23 profile image


That is normal for kids with ADHD. That teacher is apparently not experienced with ADHD. There should be a Specialist in her class for ur son and others with the same situation. His IEP should be available. Also talk to his pediatrician about what's going on. Might have to increase his meds!

Saharmirbolouk profile image

My 10 years old son has focus problem also, I hate to put him on medecin,dont know if I am right or wrong. I am always afraid of side effects.

But I am very disagree with behavioral chart also, since it gives them the feeling that every single task that they do is being observed and they are under sever monitoring which give these poor kids more stress and anxiouty ,no human being likes this much of control.

I wish every body can understand that ADHD is not a disability(I hate this term being used), as a neurologyst said,ADHD is a second beain design system,the first and most important thing is that NO teacher or caregiver should blame kids with ADHD for their unporpuse behaviors.

They suffer a lot with difficulty to focus,why they should be questioned for their natural brain system?

Wish these lovely kids could be understood in school systems.

Still prayers,hugging and loving can be an effective med.

Severianoj profile image
Severianoj in reply to Saharmirbolouk

I agree with you, our kids do feel stress and anxiety because when I ask my son about why wasn’t he focusing in class he looks at me confuse and scare I don’t want to feel like I’m that bad Person. I can imagine in class when the teacher is asking him several times to focus & listen he probably feels pressure and maybe even embarrass with all his friends and classmates looking at him :’( I know my son is a good, smart loving kid, and yes I wish our kids can get more help they need in schools and people understand that if it’s hard for us it’s way much harder for them. We both suffer this pain.

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to Severianoj

😪😪😪😪exactly heart breaks when we come home and ask

teacher was complaining what were you doing in class?? hiding tears from

my son

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to Saharmirbolouk


Mommyofahero profile image

The teacher herself should educate & do research on how to work with kids with ADHD, but unfortunately not many do nor does administration offer any additional education on it. I wish you both luck, and always be a voice for your kids. They have rights!

God bless!

CobraKid04 profile image

I believe that knowledge is power. To medicate our children is the hardest decision we will ever make. As a nurse, I try to avoid issues that deal with the gray matter (our brain) because I don’t understand it well. Truth is that the medical community only knows approximately 1/10 of the function of the brain. My decision to medicate my child was a hard one to make. Our doctor went with the old school drug Adderall because it is tried and tested. We as parents do not hesitate to medicate our kids if they have a physical illness. ADHD is a mental illness in the most general terms. I would suggest that you watch the YouTube videos of Dr. Russell Barkley. He is supposed to be the ADHD guru of the USA. The link I have attached helped me understand the ADHD diagnosis and made my decision easier.

There are alternative medicine therapies out there as well. If I could get my son to drink espresso he might not be on medication but he won’t (yes I tried this on him)! I even found a site called Death by Caffeine where you can put in your child’s weight and it will tell you how much of a drink they would have to consume to cause death. I didn’t want to OD my kid on caffeine. I’m hearing some promising results from the use of CBD oil as well rather than using the traditional ADHD medications. I’m contemplating changing to CBD oil at this time.

Our struggles are REAL with these kids...EVERY DAY the struggle is REAL. Do some research and make your own decision. If you need a link to the CBD oil I will see if I can find it for you. Hang in there...God placed this child with you for a reason. Sometimes it takes us a while to figure all this out. My son is 13 and I’m still learning new things every day! You will find the path that works for you and your family. There are no cookie cutter answers when it comes to these issues. What works for one may not work for another. Hang in there.

mommyvaz5 profile image
mommyvaz5 in reply to CobraKid04

Hello! My husband actually brought up the idea of the CBD oil to me. Our son hasn’t been diagnosed yet, but he shows every sign of ADHD. He has his first psychiatric appointment next week. My husband is against any type of medication, which I’m open to. Anything to help my son. Can i have the link to the CBD oil. I would love to read into it. So I know what I can discuss with his therapist and pediatrician. Thank you!

CobraKid04 profile image
CobraKid04 in reply to mommyvaz5 This is my friends website. She has seen great results in her sons behavior and has taken him off all his medications and only uses the CBD oil exclusively.

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to CobraKid04

awww thanxxx for sharinggg

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to CobraKid04

but video not working sahre any link plz

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to CobraKid04

can you share other link video is not opening

CobraKid04 profile image
CobraKid04 in reply to ha11

Try this link.

If this doesn’t work go to YouTube and search for Dr. Russell Barkley - 30 Essential ....

mommyvaz5 profile image

I am going through the similar situation with my 5 year old. Everyday I pick him up from class his teacher has some negative comment about his behavior. He won’t sit and focus or cooperate in class. Can’t seem to play well with the other children. He hasn’t been diagnosed with ADHD. We have our first meeting with a psychiatrist in a week. Going into this process my husband has shut down any plans of placing my son on medication. I honestly believe it would be best if he did. I’ve done some research and it seems to be one of the best solution for him. I want him to be able to sit and focus. It has been a very difficult time for my family. All I do is think of ways to be able to help my son. It has broken me down to tears. Your not alone!

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to mommyvaz5

does he watch alot of tv

or do u busy in job

or not having family or friends or any siblings

try to talk to him

as much as you can i did this with my son

things improved lil better

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to ha11

My family is far away but thanx God blessed my son with 5:30year old brother .

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to mommyvaz5

awww and always try an independent evaluation as well

because some times schools rush to giv labels to kids

also few teachers when see they have to work hard to any student they handover that kid to school child study team

So always research your rigjts as well and try your own personal treatments and evaluation besides school .

CobraKid04 profile image
CobraKid04 in reply to mommyvaz5

I would never judge anyone based on their choice to medicate or not. I do encourage people to do their own research in order to make an informed decision. We make our decisions that we can live with that works with our lives. God had chosen us to be their parents for a reason. Believe me - he has empowered us to be our children’s champions.

You might inquire of your local Disability Law Center who may be able to provide some assistance in how to obtain services for your child at school.

Another great resource is I believe the mans name is Peter Wright. He is the legal guru in the US for learning disability law. Getting a diagnosis is the first step. That’s when the REAL fight begins and the resources at Wrightslaw is fabulous. I hope this helps.

srwilhelm profile image

Hi Fellow Mom. I'm a Mom with ADHD who was diagnosed as a child. I'm including a few links to videos that I think are going to be helpful throughout this post, so please read to the end.

1.) Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made or that you think you have made. In reading your responses I can feel your internal struggle. It seems like you are putting your value as a Mom & as a person on the behavior of your child and the response of the teacher(s). Your value as a Mom is determined by how you see yourself as a person. No one else but you (& whatever higher power you follow) can determine your true value. The YouTube Channel 'She's In Her Apron' put out a video a couple months ago that I think would be helpful for you to watch first ( She's another Mom with ADHD.

2.) I don't have enough words to express how important positive reinforcement is to an ADHD brain. Another YouTube channel 'How to ADHD' has great content and I think this video would be good to watch next (and your son can watch with you!):

3.) is an awesome resource for LD issues. If you are not already following them on social media or signed up to receive updates, go and do it. Now. This is probably one of the sources I reference most when I reply to thread. Just yesterday they had Dr. Ned Hallowell, who has been treating ADHD for over 37 years (and has written about 20 books on the subject) give a talk about self-medicating. The video of that live interview with the Understood moderator and parents who were asking questions is available at or by looking at the calendar of expert chats held on January 26th 2018 at This video is just over 20 minutes, but every minute is full of very helpful information.

4.) If possible, can your son switch classes? It might be that the relationship (and feedback loop) with this teacher is just not going to get any better and he may need a change. But allow him to tell you what he thinks and if he wants to try a different teacher or school. He'll likely be scared, but just let him know it's ok and he has a voice in the process. Otherwise he might just accept the current feedback loop is what every teacher is going to be like and resign himself to acting out because that is what is expected of him. No ADHD brain is ever going to be "normal" but with the right guidance and encouragement, they can amaze you.

I hope this helps and I encourage you to keep us updated with the progress. Many times we come to this forum with questions and are frustrated. But we can also cheer each other on and celebrate when each of us start seeing the more positive things that ADHD can bring.

Severianoj profile image
Severianoj in reply to srwilhelm

Thank you for the help and I’m going to try the videos with my son and see if that helps. I’m determine to do anything to help my son.

srwilhelm profile image
srwilhelm in reply to Severianoj

Remember, that first video was for you. You need to take care of yourself first. You won't be able to help anyone else if you don't.

Alibee78 profile image

My 8 yo son was diagnosed this year with ADHD. I am all too familiar with notes, calls, and emails from his teachers. I spent a lot of time crying and feeling stressed and overwhelmed as well as worrying about him and what he was going through. His father and I did not want to put our son on medication, but it was when he started writing things like "I hate my life" or "kill me now" that we decided to try it. It has been four months now that he's been taking Focalin XR and it has worked miracles. Sure, we still have our struggles (especially in the mornings and evenings), but overall, it has made such a huge difference in his school performance and his self-esteem. We don't plan on keeping him on it forever, but right now it is helping him immensely and we're so glad we made this decision. Goid luck to you and your family. I know how difficult this is.

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to Alibee78

Awwwww its good u started medicine

ha11 profile image
ha11 in reply to Alibee78

u r in jersey ? Ali

Alibee78 profile image
Alibee78 in reply to ha11

I'm in North Carolina

Severianoj profile image

Thank you, I am sorry that you guys had to go through that and your son even thinking that he hates his life, that’s really painful to hear but I’m glad everything got fix and u guys are doing better. The struggle is hard and no one else knows the pain we go through but ourself and our kids.

You may also like...