Beginning to lose the will to continue on anymore, i feel useless that i can't fix something that means the world to me

[BlackRose1]

Hi everyone, I honestly expect this to be ignored like it has a few other places that I have gone seeking help or advice but oh well why not. I have begun to genuinely hate myself and my existence over something that happened recently.

I have known this girl online for many years but in the last couple of months we got to know the real us, next thing I knew I had fallen for her and fallen hard at that, she made me a stronger person and had helped me stand up to some of the issues that I had,

I eventually told her about my feelings and we organized a meet up a week before the meetup she told me that she saw me as more than a friend and our meet up became a date, the date was the happiest day of my life I felt at peace and that I could be myself around her. It is important for me to mention that she was in an abusive marriage and relationship and has a child with the said abuser, I have supported her through it by being here for her and this was her first date in a very long time.

She seemed happy and told me as much but a few days later things began to take a bad turn, people in my life began to get into my head and told me everything was going to fail and go south that she would leave and that I should know my place in this world I got emotional and upset and was afraid of losing her I spoke to a mutual friend of our about my fears and she did something that made things worse she called her and asked her to come to speak to me that i needed her, because of this my fears and emotional state were seen by the girl who meant the world to me things seemed to get awkward after that, the weekend before we were due to meet up again the same friend brought us both into a voice call to talk I wanted to apologize for what had happened that day when I was emotional and i gave a genuine and heart felt apology and asked if she was willing for us to start over or give me a chance to move at her pace because I knew I was going too fast for her....... unfortunately that was my worst mistake, the 2 of them said I sounded exactly like the people that abused them in their relationships.... this was, of course, a hard hit to me to be compared to the monsters that abused them.

She said we were still friends but advised we cancel our meet up that it would be too soon and too awkward after this ...difficult situation. I have given her space since, spoke on occasions and shown I still care with messages to wish her a good day and night, etc to show I am still here for her but its not the same anymore I can see it and feel the awkwardness..... all I want to do is fix things and to have back the friend that meant the world to me.....to have back the girl that made me a better person, but I don't know what to do or how to fix things without losing her forever, I am scared all the time now, I can't get her out of my mind, i have strong feelings for her yes but I am willing to take my time with that or push my feelings to the side if needs be ..... I want my friend back and it hurts so much, she means the world to me and all people ever tell me to do is forget her and move on but I can't do that..... I cant.......i know I sound stupid and a lot of you are going to think that this is childish of me but I have always just given up in life and on myself and for the first time in my pathetic excuse for a life I see something....someone that I want to fight for but I just feel pathetic and useless.....

[Hidden]

You are not pathetic or useless.. u care about this girl and wish things could be different.

I say give HER time and maybe distance yourself alittle from the mutual friend for a bit also. If u and the girl somewhere down the line decide to reconnect...don't get the mutual friend involved again.Two people is hard enough..a third person adds more drama and confusion. Unfortunately better to learn all this now..than to have more time in on this and get ur feelings hurt worse. Relationships..whether friends or etc are never easy..it always takes time and patience.Meantime work on u and being a better u for yourself..u never know what tomorrow may bring for you Sending a hug ur way.

[BlackRose1 in reply to Hidden]

I have tried I really have, it just hurts so much I hate that I messed things up and all I want to do is to fix it I can't get her off my mind but I am so deeply frightened of losing her from my life forever. I want her to know how I feel but again I am scared of losing her from that i feel like a bad person and i just dont know what to do.

[Hidden in reply to BlackRose1]

Sometimes all we can do is wait n be patient.Only time will tell.

[Causefire666]

I know the feeling mate going threw the same thing and I dont know what to do for the best she has just gone on holiday tho so in hoping the time away will make her miss me enough to want to sort out issues

[BlackRose1 in reply to Causefire666]

Thing is me and her are not in the same country she is only a ferry ride away but we have only actually met in person once because of all this. I just want another chance but i dont know if i will ever get one.

[Humanintraining]

Welcome. Firstly, I've been where you are, sort of. Stuck in a pit, uplifted by a girl, riding a high, getting shoved back in that pit by the girl, only the rope she had me climb is no longer there. Don't confuse this situation with the one before you knew her. This is worse. You had it and lost it. You're grieving for a light in your life and you can bet you'll grieve through all the stages. Everyone handles that in their own way and time; hereth follows the advice: Work on becoming a complete person. Love yourself. You did what you felt was right, and the results were not what you hoped for. So what! You were true to yourself. You would have morphed into whatever she would have made of you if you hadn't! Sounds great? Well then you need work, my man. Grieve first, but after, work your butt off, find new places to go and show affection to your family. Become the man she doesn't believe you can be. Not for her. For you. And when you become high and mighty, and she grovels at your throne. Maybe consider ruling together. Otherwise onto the next. Focus on yourself. Good luck. It took me years.

[Hidden in reply to Humanintraining]

Liked ur reply..very well said

[BlackRose1 in reply to Humanintraining]

I can see where you are coming from with your points but thing is she means alot to me i dont want to change myself and i dont believe that she wants that either i just dont know how to reapproach things with her, i am afraid that if i go away and stop talking to her that she will think i dont care or will forget about me which is something i really dont want.

[Humanintraining in reply to BlackRose1]

She's not the last woman in your life and I guarantee she'll never forget you. It's a woman. They don't forget anything men/emotion-related. Basicly ask her what she hopes you two will be, and then decide if you can accept that position. The best thing you can do in your clearly hormone induced state, is wait until you can accept whatever reply she gives to that question before you ask it. You want the best for her don't you? Well behave according to that, man up. If she does not want to talk then you played your part in her life and she played her part in yours. Learn and live on. I know it's tough. Find shoulders to lean on. Nothing breaks like a heart, but that heart has probably half a century left to beat, perhaps for the next amazing woman. Remember that. You shouldn't force yourself to accept unrequited love. Think it through. Ask the question. Love and live by the answer. Again, good luck.

[Natsteveo]

Hi @blackrose1

So sorry your going through this. I agree with everyone you must give her time and space what will be will be my friend you are desperately trying to keep her but I think she wants to discover herself after what she has been through plus she has children so her main concern will be them..love does funny things to us and we have no control over who we fall in love with.you too obviously have a lot of respect and love for each other but if she discovers herself and what she wants then maybe she will be able to share the same with you...we’ve all been where you are so your not alone

Take care

Nat

[BlackRose1 in reply to Natsteveo]

I understand your points and the unfortunate (or fortunate) thing is that I do think i love her and that is what makes it even harder to give time and space, I am very concerned if i stop talking to her or anything like that to give her space that she will forget about me or think that i dont care anymore. I know she is going through a rough time and all i want to do is be there for her and help her i care about her and her child even thou i know it is not my place to do that and to some that it would seem intrusive or creepy. I have never felt like this about someone before and it scares me to death the idea of loosing her from my life fills me with complete dread.