What is wrong with me?

[I_am_a_person_too]

Hello, this is my first post here so I am a little nervous. Now that we got that out of the way, let me tell you my story.

There is this kid in my high school class (not your traditional high school) that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I do not like him because I went on a camping trip (with my class) and I really needed to use the bathroom. I brought my entire group with me and we walked to the far-away bathroom. To sum it all up, I was forced to play spin the bottle (peer pressure) so I came into the bathroom with everyone and it landed on me first. I tried to run out, but I was held down and kissed by a boy unwillingly. (This doesn’t seem like a big deal, right?) Ever since then, I have been extremely messed up in the head. I’ve never had depression, but it runs in the family. I’ve been experiencing suicidal thoughts and sadness. This only when I am alone and I have a chance to think. My dad battling cancer doesn’t really help with the sadness. I have also been dealing with EXTREME memory and focus problems. For example, (random name) “Alice, take out the trash.” I would either say ok or do something else and immediately forget.

It gets really hard sometimes because nobody thinks I am trying hard enough. I never do any work at school, and if a teacher is talking, I just doodle. I get distracted by every little thing.

Thank you for reading my post and if you get to the bottom, try to leave a comment about any advice, or a diagnosis. (I know, it might not be exact, but every little bit counts).

[Owlprincess]

First I'm very sorry for what happened to you. Sexual assult is extremely hard to talk about no matter how minor it may seem (which it never is). PTSD is something you should look into. Do you have a family member or close friend who is an adult that you can talk to? This but needs to be held accountable. Your voice matters. Sorry if I'm not much help I'm new to this. I'll listen if you need to talk

[I_am_a_person_too in reply to Owlprincess]

Sorry, I forgot to include that I’m also seeing a therapist. And It’s okay, someone just reading my entry makes me feel that much better. By the way, I also have terrible anxiety and it makes my situation that much worse. People see me as the happiest and nicest person in class, but on the inside, I’m being torn apart by my inner demons.

[Natsteveo]

Well done for reaching out you've come to the right place.

Nobody should ever force themselves on you in any way..sounds like he's made you feel anxious now maybe you should also talk to a parent sibling or close family member or even a teacher and go from there but with your father's fight with cancer is too g to give you so many mixed feelings and emotions...alot of us get "brain fog" while going through emotional stress you need to see your Dr about how you are feeling it may help

Nat