Above & Beyond
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Partner support

Long story short, I feel my wife has been depressed for the past 10 months (the final 5 months of our engagement and the first 5 months of our marriage). This has made our engagement and then early marriage more difficult than I ever imagined one could be. We both work in health care and she has been extremely resistant to treatment or let alone just discussing the term depression. (Both our pre-marital and new marital counselor have suggested she get one-on-one treatment; my wife has resisted this.) I have been doing my best to love her and support her. I have been reading a lot and working on building good support around me. This is what brings me here. I need a place where I can read and write, when the state of our marriage or my emotional state or her emotional state keep me up at night.

I am open to absolutely any advice or comments.

To those of you who previously posted and are suffering yourselves, I hear you and support you.

Thanks!

2 Replies
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Hi Mark, I have been married for 12yrs now. It has been very rocky at times so much that divorce has been considered at my desire.

During this time I have always kept communication up between myself and my spouses parents. I say this because her mother has given me insights of my wife. My in-laws know my wife better then anyone else because they raised and lived with her for so long. Basically my advice would be to talk to her mother to find any reasons why she may be going through this and please don’t ever think having a child will help the situation or let her convince you it will because it won’t. It will only make things worst. She has to be “fixed” first. Hope this helps. One more thing, as you probably already know marriage never exactly goes as we hope or think it should go. Best wishes.

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Thanks man. I appreciate it. I will more specifically talk to her mom, and dad about it. My wife and I have specifically discussed that the way things are between us, neither of us want to have children in this state. This is very sad for me, I grew up in a family of 6, and have such found memories of growing up, and have always wanted a family of my own. I’ve known my wife for 5 years. There’s not a woman I’ve ever met who will make a better mother, however over the past 10 months she is a completely different person, previously bubbly and encouraging, now sad and angry.

Compliments to you for staying married for 12 years!

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