Looking for understanding, not advice.

[Iain2017]

Do you ever feel that when you talk to friends all they want to do is offer advice, but in-fact what you are actually looking for is just somebody to talk to who will listen and understand? Sometimes I feel worse because I don't feel understood, and that is difficult. Sometimes I may want advice and sometimes it is unnecessary.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello there Iain2017

I do indeed know what you mean. We all need to offload sometimes to someone who empathises or just a friendly shoulder to lean on. I think that some feel that we must be wanting advise or we wouldn't be telling them.

Chloe

[Iain2017 in reply to chloe40]

Yeh y think thats right, hi chloe, i think also that maybe sometimes i would hope tht people would perhaps share their insecurities as well, so tht it is a two way thing, that always makes things easier and less jarring.

[Gambit62]

nothing more irritating than being offered advice when all you wanted was to talk about something ... but just as irritating to have people refuse to give you advice when you ask for it.

At the risk of pushing stereotypes men tend to talk because they want advice and women tend to talk because they want to be listened to - a dynamic that often goes wrong ... and sometimes the gender dynamic is the other way round (was in my marriage).

Sometimes think that its not really about being understood - always felt that with depression it was more about wanting to know that I was accepted despite how I was feeling and people were trying to understand (and potentially fix) something that they just couldn't understand. The people that I found most helpful were those who actually said that they didn't understand but they would listen.

[mysmugcat]

Yes. I have been interrupted in my flow and given stupid advice by people lol.