I think I need help but don't know who to reach out to

[lozfitz]

I am not sure who I need to speak to (Employer EAP scheme, GP or someone else) but I am really struggling to cope with my emotions. I have horrible mood swings generally aimed at my Wife and feel like I need to breakdown and let all my emotions pour our (but I don't want to appear weak!). My Wife things I may benefit from speaking to someone (maybe a grievance counselor).

The reason why I am now reaching out for advice or support is that I have seen the light and understand that my failings are having a detrimental effect on my marriage, as last night I found out that my wife see's our relationship as in between happy and strained, whilst I see if as happy. The analogy I came up with was:

"it's like me walking along and smashing car windows (ie: being snappy with my Wife), I feel happy as I have relived my stress, but have left people getting upset and having to fix the broken window."

My mum passed away about 2 years ago, and I guess that's where everything started (but that seems like an easy answer).

I feel like I am on a tightrope and at any minute I will fall of it, but then sometimes I feel like I want to be unhappy, so I can have an excuse to grumpy.

I really hope someone can at least point me in the right direction, or give me some advice.

[onhereagain]

Please make an emergency appointment with your DR if you find it hard to speak write it down and give it to him/her.

If you feel desperate ring the Samaritans they will help

Good Luck

[Gambit62]

Try to make the appointment with your GP a double appointment - that way they will have more time to go through things.

It can take a very long time to get over the death of a parent - if you ever do - doesn't matter whether you were close or not - sometimes it can be worse when you aren't close because whilst they are alive there is the chance of working the relationship out and that just vanishes. I still miss my father at times and he died over 11 years ago - we had a really good relationship and it was his time to go but I still can't help feeling abandoned.

Did you have a good relationship with your mother? Did you manage to actually stop and mourn her passing at the time because sometimes not doing that means that the mourning is still going on in the background.

If your employer has a counselling line then that would also be a good option - make use of it.

[lozfitz]

I really appreciate the response received. My emotions seem to go hot and cold. For example I could go half a week as happy as Larry, and then one thing would annoy me and my mood drops. So the issue I am having is when I feel Ok I feel I am being daft and don't think anything is wrong with me. Does this sound normal?

[Gambit62 in reply to lozfitz]

It may be that you have problems dealing with anger - know I do - so it gets turned inwards into depression and general malaise. My problems stem in part from having a mother who would just fly off the handle for no reason and a father who I suspect was a depressive and would just go quiet ... and I learnt to be like my father rather than my mother.