I suppose I should know as I am no stranger to depression and have had problems with depression & anxiety in the past. Although these problems are n the past, I kind of feel like I get on with life but can't achieve the life I want.
I struggle to see why I feel this way apart from I recognise that my outlook on life is certainly contributing. For a long time I have seen my life as empty & not going right. I struggle to see any good in my life, my work/career situation, my living circumstances, relationships and friends. I don't seem to be where I should at my age and achieved the things I think I should. It is as if I always want more out of life bur don't achieve anything, I try doing things to improve it but nothing works. Maybe I am finally realising nothing works and I am getting very low.
Also, I seem to struggle with tiredness, I find it very hard to get up in the mornings and especially at the weekend. If I have nothing to do then I will sleep in sometimes literally all day. But this only makes me feel worse and then I feel lousy for a few days. I am always tired, especially at work which at times makes me angry and hard to handle people and get through the day. Little things at work are winding me up or things people do. The other day I was so wound up I kicked a door and had to walk of and calm down. This incident left me angry all day and into the weekend and although I forced myself to get out of bed. I have just ended up falling asleep on the sofa and went back to bed. When I finish work I am tired all the time or don't want to do much. I often fall asleep from feeling tired. And although I try to engage in life I don't feel happy. Sometimes I will pull out of it but then go back to feeling bad.
I have recently been to the Doctors out of desperation, I asked about CBT and have been referred for an initial appointment but don't hold much hope if I will get the help I want or need..