It's been over a month since I lost Jenifer. Every day is a struggle because I have become very depressed. The stress also induced a nasty case of IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome) which was diagnosed by a GP last week. I have had it for years I believe but this is the first time I have had a name for it. The next few weeks are going to be interesting as I have to work out what makes my gut bad and what doesn't. I am starting to think I should just eat celery and be done with it!
My hospital appointment at St. George's happened today. It nearly didn't due to an admin error, but because I had travelled all the way from Bedfordshire in agonising pain (dystonia) and so got upset, the kind nurse or whatever she was (sorry!) tried her best and so I got to see Dr Stern's registrar. It was that or come back the following week and frankly the idea of going back to London just a week after the first visit freaked me out so I went for that option instead. It turned out to be a good choice.
After a whole bunch of tests, questions about my bizarre but mostly undiagnosed family and various other things, I was given a diagnosis... well several actually. I now have Tourette syndrome (duh...), OCD, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Asperger Syndrome (glad that stayed because I don't like change!) and depression. I have so many labels that I couldn't actually write them all on my arm! I do have a particularly small arm but that is not the point.
The only thing I was surprised about was the ODD because I had never really heard of it until today. Well I had heard of it, but my knowledge of the condition is as good as my knowledge on Tourettes back when I was 15. I thought it was a swearing mad disease! Knowing me I will end up doing research, but I will try not to overdo it this time! I was not at all surprised when I was told I had depression because I have had depression before and I am once again feeling that emptiness and lack of interest that I had back in the old days. I was already starting to lose self confidence after I lost control in a shop while I was by myself and nearly got myself in trouble, but losing Jenifer just sent me over the edge. Grieving sucks, especially when you don't know how to.
As for my future, it is looking pretty confusing at the moment. I have no idea where I am going to be living in the next year or two, but it has been established that my time with the currant care company needs to come to an end because they have not got the facilities for me to move on. It sucks a bit, but I do hate living in a village with one bus that never turns up and no car (well most of the time!). I know I want to live in a town, but I don't know where yet. I will have to wait and see as usual...