It’s now 3.45pm and I feel soooo tired, I’m constantly yarning, I feel so worn, my tics have got the better of me, when I’ve finished writing this I’m going back to bed. I finally dropped off to sleep at about 4am last night after tossing and turning for what seem to be hours on end, I just couldn’t get comfortable my neck and shoulders just feel so heavy and painful after a day of almost constant neck twisting and cracking, shoulder hunching, left shoulder sniffing (???!!) and right arm stretching and twisting. My tics have become quite a bit worse this week; my eyes have taken on a life of their own as have my thumbs and fingers (???? Tourette’s syndrome is probably the strangest condition I can think of) For my eyes it’s a blast from the past, what they are doing is what they did during my teens, it’s hard to describe what they’re actually doing, it’s a combination of rolling, squinting and frowning. When I was younger I would have do it over and over until my whole face ached and I’d just want my eyes to pop out of my head. This would be a very dangerous tic to have if I were to do my CBT (that’s motorbike CBT).
However, I do have a logical reason as to why I’m suffering (I don’t normally like to use the word as it’s makes me sound wet and weedy, but I am at the moment) I’m off to hospital on Friday, I’m having a strange growth thingy removed from my tongue and I’m going to have to have a general anaesthetic due to my TS. I’ve tried to wriggle out of it, suggesting perhaps they gaffer tape me to the chair, blindfold me then just get on with it, but they haven’t gone for that suggestion, I’m going under! It’s only a day surgery procedure and usually it would only take about 15mins, but I think as soon as the surgeon saw me he probably thought he’d have a challenge on his hands. He did ask me if I thought I could keep still for 15 minutes, but he answered that question himself, “no, it’s a tricky one, we’ll have to give you a general anaesthetic”. This won’t be the first time I’ve had a GA, I had one when I had a laparoscopy to diagnose endometriosis, and it was a thoroughly unpleasant experience, first of being knocked out or whatever the terminology that doctors use is just horrible, the anaesthetist tried to distract me by being quite jovial and talking about Russell Brand’s radio programme and squirrels but I then had the sudden urge to try and escape as room began to spin and had to be held down. Waking up was just as bad, my TS seemed to be acutely aware of my stitches and I suddenly developed a horrible tic which involved clenching my abdominal muscles to create as much pain as possible. My other tics went through the roof and as soon as I could get back onto my feet I was constantly in the toilet washing my hands over and over again, not out of need to be clean and germ free but I was just compelled to do so. The abdominal clenching carried on until my stitches dropped out a couple of weeks later.
My TS has at times turned it’s attention to the growth on my tongue, that was one of the reasons why both my dentist and the surgeon have decided to get rid of it would be the best option before I do myself an injury.
So I’m off now, I’m going to make myself a cup of tea, read my Private Eye and have a nice nap.