I've posted a couple of times before. I'm new to this dreadful world of tinnitus, around 2.5 months in now. I've always remained hopeful that it will go away as apparently that's what happens in most cases. But reading this forum and reading about folks living with T for years/decades brings home the troublesome possibility that this might not go away.
Some points about me and my T:
1) I'm in my early 40s and otherwise well
2) My T seems likely to have been triggered by a Covid infection, testing positive for it on 11 Nov 2024, the T and the usual Covid symptoms started a bit before testing
3) Other symptoms I had like fatigue and the usual flu like symptoms seem to be largely gone, but the T remains
4) The T has triggered pretty severe Anxiety, depression and insomnia. I'm living day by day, I'm surviving is perhaps more accurate. I'm not living.
5) ENT has ruled out wax, infection, anything brain related (MRI was clear) and the only recommendation at this point is talking therapy. The one note the ENT did make is that in my affected ear (left only) there's little pressure. Indeed when I try and force my ear to pop, nothing happens on the left side, while the right pops as normal
6) I'm going to discuss my anxiety/depression/insomnia with my GP soon and frankly at this point I just want to be medicated. At least this would give me the illusion of control and placebo effect if nothing else
7) I have a toddler, and I feel like I'm now missing out on her growing up. I'm often physically present, but just not there in mind
8) I have a job that compensates me well, I don't want to lose it, but I find myself spiralling at times. I largely work from home but next week I'll be around people, I really don't know if/how I'll cope, a breakdown might be very visible.
9) I just need the T to go away and all else will follow. The stoicism and the coping I see from folks on this forum is truly admirable, but I just don't think I'm ever going to get there. I need it to go away, that's all
Life is currently passing me by, and I feel awful for my daughter and my partner. Maybe it'd be best for them if I'm just not around.
Thank you for reading while I type this with tears in my eyes.
I hope I go silent on this forum some day for the right reason...
Love to you all
Written by
ghlla
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Not to diminish the difficulties that you're having, because they come across clearly in your very honest post. I'm sorry to read about the struggle that you're having.
What I will say is that your tinnitus is still new. If we look at something like the Richard Hallam four stages of habituation model, you are resolutely at the first stage and feeling worried about the future, are stressed out about the present and not knowing which end is up.
That's normal.
I'm concerned about some of the language you've used in your post as it does suggest that your anxiety is leading to catastrophic thoughts - that your family would be better off if you were not around.
I don't personally believe that they would be - they want you to feel more in control of your tinnitus, the emotions which are accompanying it and to be enjoying life in a way that you are not at the moment.
Talking therapy - CBT or ACT - can be helpful for people whose thoughts about tinnitus are perhaps the thing which is driving their distress. By this I mean people who've gone through a gamut of tests and found nothing untoward but who still find their tinnitus impossible to imagine being able to live with.
You might find that by talking about a problem like this that your awareness of it just shifts a little - that's very often proof that distraction may be really helpful in coming to terms with tinnitus and even beginning to accept that it is not harmful to you.
We have a list of helplines and sources of support for difficult emotions in the sidebar of the forum and on this page of our website - tinnitus.org.uk/support-for...
Please think about using them if your mood is continuing to cause you difficulties and you feel panicked. They may not be immediately familiar with tinnitus as a condition, but they can understand and give good advice about anxiety, catastrophic thinking and signpost you to sources of help.
The early stages are fkin horrendous, but you have to ride it out as best you can. The only other option, as you've alluded to, is checking out. Believe me, I've been there.
My T got bad 8yrs ago, when my daughter was 6 - I have a vivid recollection of me crying hysterically (on the toilet) with her telling me 'it'll get better Daddy'.
You absolutely need to speak to your GP, to ask for whatever they can give you to keep you on an even keel. There isn't anything that directly ameliorates T, but take whatever you can get. My docs gave me amitriptyline, which did jack all for my T, but I still take now if I've had a bad day w/ my unwelcome companion and need to get some sleep.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Do what you can for your family, but things have changed. People in wheelchairs can't play football w/ their kids. People w/ tinnitus cry a lot.
The best advice I can give you is that it will get easier/better. How long that will take I can't say, but at some point you'll realise you've gone a day or two longer than you have previously without any major meltdown. It is possible to have a good day whilst hearing the abominable racket in your head - I'm having one today. You will get there.
I don't know if this is allowed, but if you want to talk, I'm happy to listen.
whilst tinnitus doesn’t necessarily “go away” as such, your perception of it will in time. You now know you’ve had investigations confirming there’s nothing nasty going on - other than the noise - and there’s so much you can do to help yourself as Pat says.
I know exactly how you feel you have summed up my feelings exactly. I am 4 months into this awful state . I have no answer for you I'm afraid other than there are some days better than others but not many. I have received great support from B'ham tinnitus group so i don't know if there is one near you, look it up on This web site. Terry
Hi there ghila! I feel so helpless at times & my heart hurts for you & all of us here struggling to continue on with our daily lives . To others we look the same but on the inside we are definitely NOT ! in the beginning I was exhausted .& mentally I was not stable . I relate to the extreme anxiety and depression symptoms . At times I sit and mourn my old self . Mostly I just miss the quiet . I have come to love the brief periods of sleep that are afforded me . In these blissful times there is no ringing and I dream happy things and go wonderful places . During the day I stay busy . I wear a hearing aide that plays a hissing sound its called a masker. It was fitted for me and programmed by an audiologist . What an amazing device .! It helps a bit to distract my brain from focusing on the insane ringing. I drive with my windows down even in the freezing cold . I keep going because I won't let this shit win . Beware of any " cures" as after almost two years i have not come across any . Coping skills are the way forward not backwards . Do not expect others to understand . Its not for them to make us feel any better . Simply put this is an inside job . You can do it . Sound off here any time you want . We all know how this shit works Good luck
I'm 5-6 years into my T now, done everything you've done so I relate to your story , what I've found is that with time it does become manageable, ok there are times when it will spike and you'll feel down, but you will learn after a while how to deal with this, masking devices are great and do help, I've also discovered various head tapping exercises also seem to help ( there's a lot on you tube)
Look at Treble health online very good source of information
Miracle cures don't exist, don't be fooled by these!
Above all be positive and try not to let it rule your life, like you I had a very good job and with time I managed my anxiety caused by T
We're with you. My T began 14 years ago. With extreme intracranial pressure, my pulse audibly pounding + head exploding. Had to drop career & become poor. I totally understand your fear with people, as you're fighting to hear, with an electricity sub station inside your head. But actually, social contact is honestly the saviour.Silence is the enemy. Silence eg working from home, can be too unbearable. Far better in any environment with ambient noise.
I fear human contact, as nobody understands. And I'm always struggling. But the truth is, that human contact is all important. Without it, we sink more.
And going out, just for a walk. WFH + T is too much. Focusing too long on a screen is bad. Keep walking away if you're able to.
I'm so sorry you're suffering. And working with kids. My heart feels the pain. Grace
my heart goes out to you. I could have wrote the same thing as you. My awful,T started the same way as yours. I had and sometimes still have the feelings that you do, however, over time you figure it out. Interestingly you used the word ‘illusion’ if. Meds could create that. If you need to try them then that’s right for you but they sometimes have side effects and what happens when you what to stop
I found the most scary thing about it, is the lack of help available from the doctors. Little research and a no cure, no remedy, and the put up with it mentality.
The way I’m working my way through in managing my T is by mentally refusing to let it control me. By focusing, listening or doing things to stuff it into the background.
Hearing aids help a bit by highlighting outside sounds so reducing the internal buzzing.
Meditation every day is also a helpful way to calm the mind.
No one understands but us sufferers but you have your daughter to do it for. You’re be ok, you just need to find your own way.
I’m not sure I can add much to these well thought out responses other than this.
My T started coming up for 10 years ago with a nasty flu/bug that literally had me in bed for over a week. My T started suddenly and has not stopped which also has caused anxiety and depression as well as feeling constantly like the fight or flight condition.
I’ve had small pockets of hope where I lost the noise for a very short time in unusual circumstances which I’ve not been able to replicate. As frustrating as that is, I have to think that maybe tomorrow something may change. I have to think like this because the alternative option, well isn’t an option as I also have a family I can’t do that to.
Remember stress and tiredness are the worse things for T. Trying to be mindful and present as you have said is difficult but for myself the more I practice the easier it is. I guess like exercising muscles but the brain instead.
The fact that you are so early on in your condition and have realised so much makes me proud of you. It took me a long time and I think has damaged my relationship before I realised what I was doing. My HAs help in the day and sound pillow at night. I hardly ever drink but my physical activity is missing. Being active helps because ‘distraction’ is the key here. Put it this way since typing this my T feels 20 times bigger in my head than before I started because I’ve done nothing other than think about it.
As many have said be as kind to yourself as possible and remember your child will love their dad because you have recognised this awful condition and are implementing plans so you stay ahead of it. Engaging with your children helps them and helps us.
Absolutely you will have times of frustration because while your loved ones know you have this, it’s easily forgotten because they cannot experience it 24/7 as we do. A broken arm in a cast is physically seen and remembered. That forgetting get me down and I either say nothing or remind people I have it. People see you looking anything other than happy and they can assume you are angry etc.
Sorry I’m rambling now. Look after yourself and thanks for posting your initial message as hard as it was for you.
You sound so similar to me, you could be my twin. Back in 2015 I was around your age and had very similar feelings. I didn't believe I could live with it, I thought life was over.
My at the time 8 year old son kept me going, just having him in my live pulled me through. He didn't realise because I never told him I had it, but he was my medicine from tinnitus and actually there is a medicine for tinnitus, it is a called life.
Life can go on it is possible. I had a terrible first 6 months. second 6 months only slightly better but over time into year 2 and year 3 things got better for me and then I was able to habituate by year 3.
Here I am nearly 10 years on to tell the story. I believe 6 million have it and maybe 500,000 struggle with it (I think those are roughly right). I was in the 500,000 but moved to the other 5.5m who have it but it doesn't bother them much.
Time is also a good medicine. Take your time, it can reduce in volume and the brain is remarkable. It can push the sound away more and more over time. Habituation can happen eventually for many.
Hi Ghlla, sorry you are suffering with this dreaded T. Nothing to add as all your replies say it all. I would take particular notice of steve1978 which I found very positive. All the best for your future because you do have a future even though you may not think so at the present time.Just try and remember that you are not alone.
Now a bit of good news for you. You will habituate to it. And you don't have to do anything to achieve that. Your brain will arrange it. The same way it ignores things like traffic noise. A couple more months I found for me. There will come a time when you forget what it is NOT to have tinnitus. You are in distress right now. I recognise it, I was there.
Hi! You don’t have to give up. You have to think about T as a disease just as the others suffer from even more unbearable diseases.
It’s said that nobody has died from T.
I’ve been having T for almost 18 years. The last 7 years have been difficukt because of its spikes.
At the moment I feel much better because I know my ‘body’ and with doctors’ help I have been given the right medication.
First of all, for SLEEP I ‘ve been taking Amitriptiline so I can sleep without interruptions.
It’s the first thing to be done so your mind will be at rest, otherwise you’ll be in a vicious circle. You stress too much and your T will increase its intensity.
If you have your T in one ear your doctor should know to search for the non-canceros tumour Schwanomma through CT.
Then you listen to your ‘body’ and try to find if it doesn’t suffer from a CHRONIC DISEASE that can trigger spikes such as: high or lowBP, gut inflammation, arthritis, etc.
Take up a hobby, have daily walks, listen to music…. Relax!
I find if I manage my anxiety I am better able to manage my tinnitus - I go to meditation, listening to relaxing music, massage and all of the self care I can. Breathworks mindfulness do a course for health and there is a lot of mindfulness for anxiety too. Take care it does become manageable even if it will not stop.
Hi ghlla, I am so sorry that you are struggling with your T. Each of us here has been where you are and can completely understand. Would it help it I tell you that the early stages were the worst for me? That some days it was just about getting through the day? About wondering if all the joy had been sucked out of my life and my life was just totally ruined?
Once I knew that there was nothing sinister causing it, I spent ages thinking how I might mask or ignore it. Railing against it. Fighting it and trying to "cure" it. For ages this actually made it worse because by trying to fix it, I was actually focusing on it all the time.
After about a year I made a decision to look after myself, reduce my stress, focus on things I love doing. The turning point was the day that I didn't think about or hear it for a minute because it meant that it was possible!
Gradually, very gradually, acceptance came next. I still have terrible days, awful nights but despite all my fears, mostly I am back to living rather than existing. I am sleeping with the radio but no drugs. I am no better and yet infinitely different from the person who first started on this journey just over 2 years ago.
Hang on in there, get whatever professional help you can (I have a counselor specializing in tinnitus) and though you don't believe it now, there is hope. Sending my best wishes!
Hi I am new to tinnitus got it when I went to a concert in Dec last year. It is driving me up the wall I am on anxiety tablets and scared to death to eat or drink anything but water in case it makes it worse anything got a referal to the E N T was told by doc with getting it by very loud noise it could heal on its own but could take quite a while so I am praying for a miracle.
I'm 16 months in with tinnitus. Came to me in retirement so had plenty of time to research on line. One area I looked at was food / drink triggers, such as caffeine or alcohol, and even mucus producing cheese. (I was prepared to give the former up and cut down on the latters). I have to say I couldn't find any evidence of triggering other than the odd anecdotal. In other words, not enough evidence to suggest triggers from diet.
You sound like me 20 odd years ago. Not wanting to get out of bed, crying all the time, refusing to leave the house. Not wanting to see my friends. Yes even thinking that I didn't want to be here at all! Our son come over from Germany for the weekend (working there.) Cos his dad said I was in such a bad way. I started on a mission to find a "cure". In some ways that kept me going. I bought a sound machine , found the heartbeat calmed it down. Took Gingko Biloba for years. My main fear was it getting worse. It didn't. I ended up with a tiny radio in my pocket and an earphone . listening to a talk program on low( never louder than T ) . I even tried episodes of laughing to myself ( crazy or what ) , The theory was my brain would prefer to listen to talking than the high pitch screech. Eventually , but cant remember how long , I couldn't hear it anymore.
Sadly a year ago my doctor put me on statins. 5 days later IT was back. Stopped taking them but too late. I can honestly say that this time , I didn't go through all that suffering again. Maybe a week or two . I've just stuck the ear phone back in ( still had the pocket radio ) and got on with my life . Depression and anxiety are Ts best friends. Please try to find your "distractions". You have great reasons to keep going forward. Just remember it takes time. Try to relax and do stuff you enjoy.
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