Could just give up

[SarahLouise84]

Had a bad day today this noise in my head is just the worst thing ever no one really understands me my family don’t realise what I go though every day today I just want to give up on life a least if I wasn’t hear my world would be quite and tinnitus won’t exsist if only i had the courage to end it all 😧

[doglover1973]

Please don't give up SL. You're stronger than you think. You can do this. Just take one day at a time. One hour at a time if need be. That's real courage. Everyone here is rooting for you .

[SimonMorriss]

Hi Sarah.

There is a lot of love on this platform and I'm sending you mine. We are all thinking you you and holding you in our prey's.

Simon

[Johnnyboy114]

I have felt like you so your not on your own please reach out and talk to someone even if they don't no what you are feeling make them aware of what's going on please speak to someone

[Mags1417]

You did manage yesterday so you can manage today. Sending love and support. Please reach out when you need to.

[dcb58]

I know how you feel about giving up life as i feel the same as i so struggle with my Tinnitus in my ear and mine is so loud,,,Shame your family dont understand although i got no family whatsoever nor a single friend in this sad world we live in

[SimToTheWorld in reply to dcb58]

So sorry to hear you have no family or friends. Maybe worth looking for activities run by your local community where you can meet people and make new friends. People are not always easy but they are worth our time and effort. Sending you many blessings. 🥰

[Krystall]

I understand in my own way how you feel I have had very loud tinnitus for 7 years non stop and yes I have felt like giving up sometimes to. It really is so hard when no one else can see it or understand what it's like. Please don't give up though. The only thing I've found that helps it is clonazepam it has made life bearable for me and reduced my tinnitus from a roaring hissing cicada ridden hell which was so bad I was unable to even make out what people you were saying with a hearing aid to a quieter version of it which at least allows me to hear what people are saying with a hearing aid. I take it at night so it doesn't affect my ability to drive or anything and it helps me get off to sleep. You don't need much to make a difference the less you take the more effective it is for longer. Ask you doctor to try it if you only get bouts of the tinnitus just have it when you do it really works. All the best you're definitely not alone.

[1966366 in reply to Krystall]

Good afternoon Krystall, I am with you totally on Clonazepam being the only thing that works for me (if you read my earlier posts you will see that I am currently in dispute with consultant/ENT). May I ask what dose of the medication do you take nightly and for how long you have been taking this? All the best

[Krystall in reply to 1966366]

Hi yes some Drs don't want to prescribe because they're concerned about addiction. I'd call it dependence, I tried it after 8 months of T so loud my kids had to write on a whiteboard anything they wanted to say to me. I couldn't communicate with anyone but within 20 minutes of taking it I could have a conversation again it gave me my life back, quality of life so the benefits definitely outweighed the risk. I also have crohns and am dependent on the immuno suppressant meds I take for that and can't stop taking them and they have no problem that I'm dependent on them and prescribing so what's the difference the immuno suppressants are way more riskier. Anyway I started on only 0.250 of a mg every second day unfortunately with clonazepam you build up a tolerance but I've been careful with it and after 6 years am still only up to 1mg each night so that's not that bad really although I think I need to bump it up a little again so will discuss it with my GP. I take it in the liquid form it's called Rivitril here in NZ. If you're not happy ask your GP possibly or maybe get second opinion tell them it's about quality of life. Show them my reply if you like I'm more than happy to back you up. Hope this helps.

[1966366 in reply to Krystall]

Helped enormous amount Krystall! Thanks so much. I thoroughly explained my situation to the 'new' ENT consultant - re quality of life - and after the meeting she wrote to my doctor about (my lol!) Clonazepam dependence. My next ENT meeting I will definitely show your reply, along with a multitude of others, to whom I have the displeasure to see - I really have lost faith in the so-called 'specialist's'. I wish you all the best, thank you again x

[Krystall in reply to 1966366]

Yes I've been badly let down by ENT specialists and GPs. Have a good GP at the moment. My T is caused by auto immune disease I have crohns and vasculitis. The vasculitis is probably what caused my profound hearing loss in my left ear and severe impairment in my right one it's destroyed my inner ear so my balance is not good am also immuno compromised so the covid thing is scary. Don't even know if the vaccine will work I'm having my first jab tomorrow. Lifes pretty hard but am glad to be in NZ. Lived in the UK for 3 years about 25 years and have a sister and family in London so am hoping I'll see them again one day. I am so glad to be able to help it makes me feel better to be able to help anyone really. Good luck all the best and hope you get the help you need

[1966366 in reply to Krystall]

Fingers crossed the vaccine will be useful and all goes well tomorrow and the rest of everything. I have decided not to persue this course: most medicine sends my T and Vertigo rocketing! So I have to take the chance without it, but I am counting my blessings as my immune system is okay at present. Gee whizz, you certainly have a lot on your plate... I don't know how much more I can take, but as I read and then re-read your post, I will take hope and optimism from you. Thank you so much

[Skywalker300]

Hi Sarah T is terrible to live with sometimes but then we have moments when life around us is so busy it disappears in to the background even though it may never really leave us, we just seem to cope with it better when we are not focusing on it and enjoying life around us. I am sure you will have better days ahead, hang in there is there, try talking with your GP ask to be referred to local hospital hearing department there may be some trials coming up or trying different types of hearing aids with sound frequency adjustment needed, sometimes just talking to those that understand really helps, carry on venting to us...

[ChrissieMT]

So sorry to hear that you are struggling, I have tinnitus daily and pulsatile tinnitus at night, so totally understand how you feel. I don’t have answers or solutions, I wish I did. People with hood hearing and who don’t suffer with tinnitus find it hard to comprehend, my hubby has perfect hearing and is often short tempered with me. Maybe do what I have done, sit down with your family and firmly explain your feelings, including how you feel about giving up on life. Ask them straight out to be patient with you, ask them for their support. Maybe say that you have given them your time and patience when they were young, you are asking for theirs now. Sending love and healing thoughts to you. Chrissie x

[bournville]

Sarah your not alone. I think everyone who has troublesome tinnitus has to deal with difficult low points. Please don’t give up - get in touch with leading authority on the psychological aspect of tinnitus treatment Dr Lawrence Mc Kenna. Try to see him in person if you are in UK or possibly via Skype if abroad. He will be able to help your sleep and calm your tinnitus response.

[TinnitusUKPat Partner]

Sarah, it's clear that you're having difficulties right now. If you want to speak to a member of the team, please call our helpline on 0800 018 0527, any time today until 5pm. It's free and we would be happy to try and support you in any way that we can.

[iraymond]

Hi SarahLouise, I hear you!! I sometimes feel the same, on those bad days where there seems no relief from this incessant noise in our heads. It has crossed my mind once or twice too, do I want to live like this? BUT there is always hope, always. Don't give up, don't let it win. Talk to people, don't listen to to horror stories... stick with the winners, those who actively try on a daily basis to improve their life with T. My days are up and down at the monent but for every bad day I now know there will be good days too. I am thankful for that. I keep faith in the positive steps I am taking; CBT, mindfulness, self-care. I praise myself for the little victories and tell myself I will do better next time when I do not do as well. I know it seems clichéd, but working at being positive is the one, single element that has improved my life. I tried being negative and that really didn't work! In fact that approach failed spectacularly. Keep posting, keep talking, we're all here to support each other.Best wishes

Ian

[purenostalgia]

I know exactly where you are coming from Sarah, I have been there.If you look at my Avatar, that 4 year old little girl had just been diagnosed with Bone Cancer, she has gone through years of chemo and hospital appointments. now 16 years old.

She is my inspiration to beat this Tinnitus, I have decided God will let me know when my time is up.

We can all beat this together, Take care now, lot's of care.

Mike

[surreycccfan]

Hi, so sorry to hear you are feeling this way, I think a lot of us have felt this was.

Its difficult for those without T to understand how it effects our lives.

A few things that worked for me which you may want to think about and maybe try are :

- I know when I started going to BTA online support groups things started to improve in my mood and how I managed my T. I not only learnt more about T, I learnt coping strategies but also really gained from the shared empathy from others with T tinnitus.org.uk/online-supp...

- The above groups are great support network but its also good to have our loved ones supporting us. There is more information on supporting those with T here tinnitus.org.uk/supporting-..., you may want to share this with your family/friends/work colleagues. One thing I also did was play a similar sound to my T to my family (there are plenty of different ones on youtube) so they could get an idea of what I was trying to cope with.

- I spoke to the BTA helpline as this really helped point me in the right direction tinnitus.org.uk/helpline

- From what I learnt at the BTA zoom support groups I started putting in place some coping strategies (there is plenty of info on these on BTA website but if you struggle to find them please message me)

You said 'if only i had the courage to end it all', I am not sure if you are talking about ending the existence of T or is you are referring to self harm. If the latter then can I PLEASE encourage you to talk to someone about these feelings. The following organisations are experts in helping those of us in crisis and they are amazing at helping in these type of situations Samaritans samaritans.org/ (Phone - 116 123 and Email - [e-mail]) and/or Mind mind.org.uk/ (Phone – 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 - Email [e-mail]).

[SUS776]

Feel your pain I'm 3 years in my t goes up and down would have at least 1 spike a week but have learned to cope with it only time l get good night sleep when l have few wine to relax then get another spike but you will learn to cope felt like you but the future is much better didn't think l would even say that stay strong

[Spurdog1]

Sarah. I've had T 17 years, so i know where you are. T feeds on anxiety and stress, so now you have to really relax, this won't cure tinitus, but it will help you "be less aware" and therefore in effect, reduce the symptoms. You are doing fine but the way out is the wrong one. Talking to your family and doctor is the right way. You are certainly not alone in this venture. virtual hugs to you (((())))

[Laura1325]

Sara dear, sometime I pray to step away from this bad thoughts, meditation helps a lot along with all the precious helps you've been given to your post. there are bad days and better days. Let someone help you in your around. It helps also stay with good people and do activities that give you pleasure. I send you lot of love and good energy from Italy!!

[jill29]

Hi Sarah, I get how the noise sucks. I am the same 24/7 never stops. I have just given up my infant school teacher job and the kids distracted me so the noise didn't bother me so much. So now I have finished I have made a timetable for myself to get up, get dressed and get on with my day! The noise is not going to win! I get out and put my head phones on and walk. I walk by the beach, woods, around the block with the dog. Meet friends, paint with music on, read with music on. It is not stopping my life. I tell people like you do, and they can't understand, and at times I feel trapped and in a prison, but I am not giving in to it Sarah!

I am a Christian and my faith is helping me to focus less on me and more on other people who are less fortunate. That might sound impossible, but it helps me.

Like you sleep is a problem. After having CBT I have learnt that if I can't sleep, at least I am resting. I listen to soothing sounds, ocean waves or rain. I was awake at 4pm this morning. You are too important to think crappy thoughts about this noise! Do not give into it. Look after your well being and do things that you enjoy, or take up a new hobby were you have to be focussed. Take one day at at time as everyone on this forum has said. You are precious !

[Matt489]

Hi Sarah.

Just checking in to see how you are doing.

Hope you are good and we all hope to hear from you soon.

Stay strong, have faith and hope, it will all be ok.

Laters

Matt