Some humour re doctors from my family.

Not sure if anyone with appreciate my mothers humour as much as I do but I thought I would share it just incase anyone else might find it funny. She was a children nurse and when I started psychiatric nursing you used to phone me up with advice on how to manage doctors. Here is an example

'Darling I do hope you are being ever so kind and helpful to the doctors they are such needy people. I hope you are doing ever thing they say'.

'Well I suppose so mum. I dont think I have much choice'.

'You do darling of course you do, you could get round them quite easily but dont do it. They get very hurt and even quite scared if they find out. They are the most vunerable people in your hospital darling and you must be very very careful. I hope you are talking too them slowly enough'

'Mum I just talk to them like everbody else'

That is rude darling and liable to give them panic attacks.Mumble if you feel silly talking slowly, so that you get an oppertunity to repeat yourself several times.

'Are you saying they are stupid mum'

'Never, never and never let me hear you say that again. They are very very very clever. They are so clever darling that they cannot face reality. That's why you need to talk slowly to help them take it in board or you will get the panic attacks.

'They dont look like they are having panic attacks to me mum'

'I never wanted you to be a psychiatric nurse did I and I was clearly right. You are not suitable if you cannot see a clear fight or flight response. It does look slightly different in a doctor, they are so ashamed of their problems darling they cover them up. The fight response is when a doctor over reacts darling and gives people lots and lots of unnessasary treatment whether it is wanted or not. Think of all those poor people who have been dragged out of their homes for daydreaming and now find themselves locked up in your luny bin. Thats all it was darling the voice hearing and the unusual ideas a bit of day dreaming and look how the doctors have panicked and put up a fight. They are the better doctors though, I prefer to work with a fight response than a flight. You tell me what the flight response is.

I suppose the opposite , they say nothing is wrong'

'That's right darling, they either dont turn up when you call them because they are so scared they have hidden somewhere or if they do turn up they take one quick look at the patient,say nothing is wrong and disappear before you get silly enough to try and argue. I get cross about the flight response because they do not want to do their jobs do they. Flight is cowardly.

They are all so fragile like hurt, frightened children.But if you talk slowly to all the doctors, very very slowly it helps them cope.