Husband support

[Hb101]

Can anyone give any advice how a husband can best support his wife who is suffering with thyroid problems.

[Anthea55]

She's a lucky lady that she's got you wanting to support her.

Can I suggest that you (and she if she's up to it) learn as much as you can about it, because so many doctors are stuck with the little they learnt as medical students.

One of the best places to start is the ThyroidUK website

thyroiduk.org.uk/tuk/index....

Also Stop the Thyroid Madness

stopthethyroidmadness.com/

All the best

[Joanneconnor]

Just be there for her as much as you can, it not only effects us physically being so tired, achey and no motivation, it effects us emotionally and the brain fog thing is a big deal too. The best thing she can do is go on NDT as there is so many side effects with sinthetic levothyroxine, and hopefully with time and support she will soon be back to herself. Thyrodosis can cause other things to fail my adrenals were stressed by the thyroid, so I had to fix them first, it's such an awful disease. Hope things will improve for you both

[JanW in reply to Joanneconnor]

NDT is ok for a lot of people but also not good for a lot of people who like me can't get on with it. I think it better for the individual to find out what suits them best, a bit like T3 good for many not for others.

[puncturedbicycle]

Be understanding when she's tired or not feeling great, learn a bit about what's wrong w her thyroid, maybe offer - if you can - to go to gp or endo appts with her (I found it helpful to bring my partner). If you want to support her (which is great) also feel free to ask her how she'd like to be supported.

Mainly I find it really helpful that I don't need to explain myself or make excuses and my partner is not critical.

Hope that helps, and I hope your wife gets the help she needs.

[EMargaret]

Plenty of understanding when she is struggling to do the normal things , encouraging her to relax and not worry about what's not getting done because she has no energy , accepting the irrational rants when they explore from no where

[Treepie]

Always go with her to the medics and take notes.See if you can find a copy of Thyroid for Dummies for a good explanation.

[jessie1962]

hello have you ever tried iodeen tablets since I started these tablets one word I feel alive I also take magnesium helps me sleep I no longer take my meds my hair stoped falling out and my skin improved

[Anthea55 in reply to jessie1962]

Jessie, do be careful with the iodine tablets. You need to be tested to see if you need them. Your thyroid medication contains iodine so adding extra may not be a good thing. It may be fine to start with, but not long term.

If you do a search for ' iodine' you'll find more info. To do that use the 'Search Thyroid UK' box at the top right of this screen.

[jessie1962 in reply to Anthea55]

I don't take my medication haven't done for a year now this iodeen works for me as well as victim b 12 vitamin d as well ,my legs no long feel like bricks my skin no longer looks like snakes skin my hair has gone back to the way it use to be ,of course every frog is different lol I now run walk better no more cramps now i sleep like a baby. I have more good days than bad days now, I was just letting people no what works for me I did not mean to give bad advice .I work from 4am till 3pm six days a week as well I take one yeast vote tablet a day to boost my energ levels i looked in to this very carefully before I decided to come off my thyroid medication because I felt like I was dying every day in side, I was ready to shut my coffin lid lol. I got a life now instead of spending it sleeping , people may not agree with what iam doing but given the life I was living before this thyroid was beating me ,I was not going to let this thyroid beat me it's as simple as that ,I am not going to lay down and spend the rest of my life in bed or asleep I only found out I had thyroid when I had a mini heart attack and had to be rushed to hospital I'd never heard of this illness before but believe me it changed my life but now aim in charge and in control of this horrible illness

[greygoose in reply to jessie1962]

Bad advice, Jessie, very bad advice.

[NatChap]

Don't take it personally when she's grumpy or angry (it can happen a lot when undermedicated and often out of nowhere as EMargaret said!). Also, I struggle with the guilt of not being able to do stuff around the house (and of being a miserable cow a lot of the time) etc.. when I'm tired so reassuring your wife that it doesn't matter would be really helpful. It is hard on a partner but try and be supportive and learn as much as you can from this site and others like 'Stop the Thyroid Madness', be prepared to get private blood tests done if the gp won't and possibly self medicate if things don't improve with medication from the gp (although she will need to give it a good go..I gave it a year). Knowledge is key in getting better but doctors have very little so unfortunately it will be up to you both to arm yourself with as much as possible x

[SeaVee79]

Just listen to her when she is talking/ranting about how awful she is feeling and how it is effecting her. Don't try and fix anything or suggest changes. Just listen. It is amazing how much transformation can occur by this simple act.

Chloe

[Bluedragon]

How I wish my husband was interested and supporting! Be aware that there are days she won't be able to do anything, perhaps not even get out of bed - she's not being lazy - it's fatigue, apathy, depression. Help to do research and testing, encourage and support. Sounds like you are supportive and caring already - you're doing great.

[Lilian15]

Don't take everything as a personal attack on you, even if it might feel like it at times. As someone with hypothyroidism (depending on it's severity) everything you try and do and every move you make is like doing it through thick wet cement, and like you have not had any sleep for weeks. I do not think the cruelest person in the world could think of a torture worse than hypothyroidism. Do not be impatient when she is trying to tell you something and it is slow and she cannot think of the word. Sometimes I wouldn't say anything at all because it was just too physically and mentally hard to. I have a really supportive and understanding husband but even he gets a bit irritated at times. If when you do, try not to show it. It hurts to know you are doing this to your husband, you want to stop being like it, but (until properly medicated) you just can't. You live in fear that he will leave you (a lot do by the way) because they cannot cope with it but you are unable to do anything. In fact you might need to be gently pro-active because sometimes the lethargy stops the patient from wanting to do anything about it. Just remember that she does not want this any more than you do and the frustration for her can be just as unbearable, so as I said at the beginning, do not take anything personal.

[NatChap in reply to Lilian15]

So true Lilian15!

[BadHare]

No man has ever been shot whilst doing the dishes/cleaning/shopping/tidying up!

M*

[BootsOn in reply to BadHare]

Laughing out loud here at that!

Don't forget washing or ironing too

[alangardner]

from a personal view as someone that has gone through , and still going through , this with my lady I can state that we both covered as many bases as possible .... from me taking control of all her daily meds [ she can miss or double dose due to brain-fog ] , going with her to all doctor and hosp appts with full printouts of latest blood results , but the finest advice I can give you is to gain as much knowledge about hypo/hyper problems as you can AND understand what she is actually going through and how you can support her ,you , and you family TOGETHER ...... the help ,knowledge ,information and empathy that we received from this site [ thyroid uk ] has been nothing short of superb and will never ever be forgotten ......alan x

[shaws Administrator]

Blood tests for thyroid hormone should be the very earliest possible and fasting. Allow 24 hours approx between last dose of levothyroxine and blood test and take afterwards. Levo should be taken first thing with one full glass of water and wait approx an hour before eating. Food interferes with the uptake. Or take at bedtime as long as last eaten 3 hours previously.

Always get a print-out of blood test results with the ranges and post for comments.

I am sorry you're wife is suffering and you also along with her. It can be extremely debilitating particularly before you're diagnosed properly as sometimes we are diagnosed with anything but hypo.

Check B12, Vit D, iron, ferritin and folate as we can be deficient.

The aim is a TSH of 1 or below.

[Kaily in reply to shaws]

I was told I should keep taking my medication before a blood test.

[shaws Administrator in reply to Kaily]

I doubt they are aware that doing so may skew your results and may not get the increase you need, or reduce your dose according to the TSH. We have to be one step ahead, I'm afraid.

P.S. I believe when they do a cholesterol check they tell you fast. Cholesterol is a clinical symptom of hypo as well - are they aware of that? They are apt to give statins instead of an increase in dose.

It's a learning curve right enough.

[Kaily in reply to shaws]

My Cholesterol was 7.2 and GP didn't give me anything.

[Lilian15 in reply to shaws]

Just to add not to take any iron or calcium within four hours of taking thyroid medication.

[donnabrain]

how refreshing!

everyone could do with a partner like hb101 and alangardner

[Anthea55]

Come back here whenever you need advice.

Don't ever let anyone tell her she's depressed.

[madge1979]

my husband was shocked when I became ill a year ago and more so when I was told I had Graves' disease ... as we had no idea what that was !

I had an appt almost immediately with an Endocrinologist and he came with me ... as I was so bad at that point remembering detail, he has been with me at each Endo visit since then too.

He is great at reading blood results .. and has listened to me so well when I explain all the things I've learned on this site . if I could not move or in fact

get out of bed because of severe exhaustion and feeling miserably useless.... he'd say ........ stay where you are and I'll get breakfast/ lunch/ dinner , he'd help with with shopping , as it would seem an enormous task

to me sometimes.... never complaining.

Thank God, I'm now Euthroid and feeling so much better

but I'll never forget his concern and his help to me ... even if he wasn't

always aware of how dreadful I really felt inside.

So, you could aid your wife's recovery enormously, by just loving her and putting yourself in her shoes for a day, and of course reading about the

particular thyroid problem that she has. ..... ' recognise her enemy '

Good luck to your wife and to you .. and bless you for caring about her.

..... for you 💐🌺🌻🌼🌸🌷

m🌹

[alangardner in reply to madge1979]

all power to him , he appears to be a true thinking person that can actually ''put himself into the others shoes '' and really try to help ---- well done both of you ...... you will get out of that damn great tunnel called thyroid TOGETHER and enjoy the sunshine as myself and lady do now after 3 years of grief ......alan xx

[JanW]

There are a huge amount of really good books out there to do with the many different aspects of thyroid problems, I would suggest you google and start there. Good luck.