Is this the end of my life.............this is not scare anyone but for those of you who feel it has to come. I Am So Sorry

This morning I woke to decide that at I could not go on with this Graves' disease . What the heck why should we? We are ridiculed, my husbands thinks

S that I am. Lazy paranoid cow. Tonight I have taken 8 zopiclone and drank half a bottle of whiskey. Wow I feel free no anxiety no tear no body ache the 645 train must have missed me. I like it did have a little cry to myself out of relief WAY TO GO SUFFFERERS. Oh I am being brave as endo appt tomorrow morning and return to the yes sir no sir

72 Replies

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  • My heart goes out to you, I've been there too, I have Graves, TED high blood pressure etc etc, but im a fighter, be brave .....I know it's so hard..

  • God bless you..... I care ....

  • Sending great big hugs xxxx

  • Only last night I was extremely poorly and told my poor hubby I was so ill I would rather die than suffer this hell on earth, we cried our hearts out together....and hugged and hugged.....my heart bleeds for you.....but I'm still here and feeling much better today....life goes on...and I will try to saviour every moment....while I am fit enough...

    Big hugs xxxx

  • Where are you now? are you safe? i am very worried about you, are you thinking about ending your life by taking pills and whiskey?

  • If you are, PLEASE phone 999, you need emergency help. or at least PLEASE call samaritans on 08457 90 90 90. Please reply to this, I can relate to feeling helpless and very low, thryoid disease is a horrible horrible illness when your unwell. But please do not give up, there are so many success stories on here that can give hope, you mention your endo... is helping you? it appears from what you've said that he's not.

  • I really hope your ok, please please take care of yourself tonight, there is always light in the darkness. Hold on. I'm here if you need a chat tonight ok? x

  • I'm so worried about GeorieB, I'm was in that same hellish place only last night.....but I'm ok....graves is so awfull...and no one gives a damn....I have lost all my friends, most of my family.... And my neighbours from hell, think I'm and moaning raving looney.....I know what that poor girl is going though....is so sad... How we are all treated... The media totally ignore our plight it's all about the big C.... If only people would see how we suffer long term.....without proper medical support... We are hitting great big brick walls all the time.... It's time that we all spoke up and told the media of our plight and stopped all the ignorance and contempt we get for the so called NHS.... They haven't a clue...

  • Well said Nuttyish, my feet are so sore right now I am just waiting for the day I wake up and cannot walk across the floor because of my painful feet, sore knees and aching thighs......then what?

  • we are here too x

  • Please dont give up hope it will get better, life is so precious i have had a tough few years behind me with my own medical problems and my husbands severe depression. If you are feeling soo unwell you cant see a way to live on please please discuss this with your endo he will take note. If you need anyone to talk to please pm me there is nothing you can say that will shock me and someone to vent to is always helpful. Stay safe and phone for some help tonight.

  • Life is precious , but only if you are well enough to enjoy it....my life is sheer hell. I'd be better off DEAD....but even they don't WANT me....

  • Everyone on this forum has been there at some point in their jouney with hypo or hyperthyroidism trust me even I have. I count myself as one of the lucky ones as it only took a couple of years to resolve most of my symptoms with very little medication but I have been in hospital with such debilitating headaches because of my hypothyroidism and have needed a cocktail of pain killers to even just take the edge off, it made me no longer want to live. my husband has severe depression including suicidal thoughts and that is no picknick to live with either but i love him and will always stand by him no matter how horrible he has been with me because of his depression and you know what even he is slowly improving and realises that life is worth living. I am currently in constant pain because of a cyst the size of a melon which is being removed next friday so yeah it is tough to enjoy life but you know what my mother in law commited suicide and it is the worst thing to have to come to terms with for me and even more so for my husband (not because of the stigma but because we both loved her very much and I wouldn't wish it on anyone to have to find their loved ones dead after having taken an overdose of painkillers and alcohol) it made both of us realise life is too short and we make a point of finding the good things in life however though ot is at that moment in time.

    I really feel for everybody here that is struggling soo much with their condition and I'm always here for anyone. Like I said it will get better i know it is hard to believe when you are struggling and a BIG HUG to you.

  • Oh dear, i read your post and felt so sad, my heart goes out to you...

    Please try and call the ambulance to get you to the hospital immediately!!

    Just like you, i suffered a mental breakdown due to my low mood, depression, anxiety brought on by all the thyroid symptoms, that i ended up in a&e under the care of the psychiatrists. i am slowly getting better mentally even though am still awaiting diagnosis for thyroid problems.

    I beg you not to give up.

    I hope and pray that you get better soon.

    Xxxx. V

  • Ladyviva, u brought tears to my eyes. I've been thinking of seeing a psychiatric dr. I was happy 10 months ago and all this overactive stuff started . Typical graves symptoms but blood work only out of whack once then settled but had an uptake scan that showed Graves' disease ..I found one dr endo who took me seriously and I have high ANA levels. Anyway I'm feeling like u and scared as I cry everyday due to physical pain and loss of emotions . I was so happy and had such a deep love for my hubby and son and now I don't feel it . I just feel numb. Am I the only one to feel like this . I cry everyday for the person I once was only 10 months ago. I was a great mother and wife and happy and I have the best hubby and son but no longer can I enjoy my life :(. I am thinking of anti deps or taking my thyroid out !!!! Thank u if u get to read this . Georgie b im scared too and praying for u and all of us xxx

  • Where are you ? What happened? Can you please responda ND TELL S YOU re ok

    xgins

  • gins, hopefully she's just resting and will get back to us later, hopefully her husband kept an eye on her? But I do share yours and everyone elses worries so I do hope as soon as she's awake enough that she will come here and let us know she's 'ok' (well, you know, as ok as you can be anyway). GeorgieB, you are precious, please don't shut yourself away, go to A&E and let them know how you feel, if only just to save your precious life for now, you can and you will find a way but only one step at a time, we can be of some moral support and we will be here to share good and bad times but please take that first step for us, we know you can do it xxx

  • I really hope you are ok brought tears to my eyes reading your post I don't have graves but do have an underactive thyroid and just yesterday was diagnosed with mysthenia gravis but I am not going to let this beat me we all have to be strong and get through these difficult tines with are illnesses because the good times will come x

  • Yes the good times keep happening to me....BUT something or somebody keeps knocking me back to square one...I'm severely ill with multiple illness but to GRaves....my life is sheer HELL on earth...DEATH would be so so welcome but......no I'm not wanted in H eaten either....thoughts xxx

  • I felt as you do years ago. I am now 64. Please make an appointment to see DR Peatfield.

  • Hello, There are some good ideas for support above, please draw on some support from a friend or relative outside the immediate family, and there is counselling available, and this is also possible at times over the telephone for ongoing support if you feel poorly. There are many on here who have been in the same position as you are in now, who can help you further. Please look after yourself and let your GP know your current situation as you need some immediate support to help you through this rough patch. Mary F x

  • Georgie, I hope you're safe. Please let us know you're OK. Wishing you love and the strength to fight this horrible illness. Taff xx

  • GeorgieB,

    A couple of us admins stayed awake late last night watching to see if you posted again. We are really hoping that you simply just fell asleep and will look in here some time today to let everyone know that you made it to your endo appointment.

  • I was the first one on here to hear her pleas I too stayed awake most of the night waiting for here to return but I really fear for her....

  • Big hug. I hope you feel better and have the strenght to talk to your endo today. Fay xx

  • hopefully you have had a good sleep after all the pills, really hoping you feel abit better, I have done a similar thing not with whiskey though yuk, most of the people on here have been through similar, my family have given up on me, but you will get better with the help of your friends on here. I have been ill for twenty years my constant migraines were killing me, having got some really good advice I am feeling like I am coming out of the pit, please get too the doctors and speak too somebody they can help, they helped me, I never believed it ,its a slow journey though but worth it. worried about you, hugs xxx

  • I do hope G is ok, I have Graves too, and feel that death would be so much easier than living this hell on earth.....that poor poor girl.....I have been ill for many many years....I've lost most of my friend and family, my poor stressed out hubby hasn't a clue how to deal with my multiple ailments,,, my life is appointment after appointment....operation after operation......my moods are all over the place....I look like a ogre with my teeth ...even my crowns....are falling out...and my dentist has chucked me out ...after 42 loyal years....my eyeballs are popping out, swollen with gels stuff ....I am partially sighted with very severe double vision......my specialist says I need multiple surgeries....but 1st of all radiotherapy.....which I'm going to diguss with him next Tuesday....I dread having this treatment..it scare me to death...(if only.....even they don't want me in Heaven, I've pleaded for release many many times......oh yes I've tried taking my own life several times but some Idiots keep bringing me back.....AND I'm supposed to be grateful.....

    Yes life is precious...BUT NOT when we have to live like I DO....in constant pain..etcetera, etc etc....it's time WE had A voice the MEDICAL profession and the MEDIA haven't a clue ......unless people have the big C nobody wants to know......

    NEED I SAY MORE.......I AM SO ANGRY FOR ALL US GRAVES. DISEASE SUFFERERS.....if hurts like hell......ITS BRICK WALL AFTER BRICK WALL

  • Hi there, I was reading your posts and I'm so sorry, does it get worse the longer you've had it then? I've had an overactive thyroid for 7 years now and was put on Carbimazole straight away and my GP put me on 60mg Carbimazole for 2 months a few years ago and I put loads of weight on and haven't been able to lose it since my results have been on border line for a long time now I haven't taken any medication for over a year now, I was told in April this year I have TED and on the same day I was told by my endo consultant that he was signing me off at the hospital as he said there is nothing else they can do for me but if my symptoms come back or blood results change I've to be referred again by my GP.

  • Hi Cazoo what is TED? I was put on carb in feb but now reduced to 5mg, put on a stone (what I had lost and a bit more but stable now, still get some palpitations ( if I have a drink, grrr) but on whole feeling fine, changed diet, try to keep head stress free (not always possible) I am really hoping to go into remission. This poor woman sounds in horrendous space, thank goodness for this forum, I've learn't so much from it....how often do you have bloods, because I am on flexible dose I have them every four weeks - had to fight pressure off docs to put me on block and replace as just did not feel that was for me but they've been very good, it has helped that I am a journalist and wary of that...x

  • Thyroid Eye Disease, I get my blood done now every 6 months now, I've also been told if not taking medication I could end up with an irregular heart beat which scares me too, I also can't drink as when I do I get tremendous pressure on my chest so I just don't drink now.

  • Oh dear, I am sorry, that does sound really difficult..... I wonder if there's anything you can do to help TED? x

  • They just monitor it and we hope for the best, worse outcome I could lose my sight which frightens the life out of me as I have 2 children under 10. I try not to worry as they stress doesn't help the situation so I take Kalms to stop me stressing they help a bit.

  • How stressful...... I can't believe there is nothing they can do, doesn't seem like much research goes into thyroid issues, unlike the millions into cancer, sometime I think it's because it's mainly women and can ostensibly be controlled by drugs - which make companies happy - I feel very sorry for you, sometimes I work on computer all day and when I go out vision blurred but did have eye test and was told it was fine - bloody computers! x

  • My eye tests are also fine I have perfect vision just now it's the thyroid attacking the tissue in my eye lid which pulls the eye lid back slightly which makes my left eye look slightly bigger than my right, they're monitoring the muscle behind the eye as if the thyroid attacks that it would swell and could cut off the nerves and muscle which could lead to loss of sight well that's what I've been told.

  • oh no... would you have RI or surgery, would this help? I've heard RI can exacerbate TED....as you have two young children would surgery remove problem (I can see it can bring others...) x

  • RI isn't an option for me now that I have eye disease as for an operation I've had operations in the past for other ailments and there was always complications so I don't want to take the chance.

  • completely understand, have you changed diet at all? I no longer eat wheat, am trying Low FOD map (recipes lovely once you get past info on it, still can't resist the odd bit of onion and garlic but notice better without) cut down on dairy and all but ditched caffeine and that's fine and feel better for it, trying to reduce immune reaction - fork out for acupuncture and massage once a month (not sure if this is financially viable for much longer!) and apart from on this forum try not to talk to people about it. Have not told any of husband's family as lovely as they are find illness fascinating and don't want to be defined by it.... x

  • People say to drink lots of milk as its full of iodine which I do, also take sea kelp a herbal iodine supplement try to cut out coffee as I'm getting a lot of heartburn, I haven't changed my diet as I'm a fussy eater.

  • I thought iodine not that great if you have overactive thyroid, although when we went to France in the summer and I ate own weight in oysters and sea food and drank white fizzy wine I felt fantastic, pity oysters etc sooo expensive here and never seen them in local co-op! Also thought milk tainted with antibiotics and hormones?

  • I really don't know that's what I was told, I thought it was lack of iodine I need to look into it. Thanks Tilly.

  • have to go out now, I've heard of Iodine patch test... let me know I'd be interested if you see anything interesting.. best, M

  • I found this on NHS Choice website

    Iodine supplements

    Iodine contained in the food you eat is used by your thyroid gland to produce the thyroid hormones thyroxine and triiodothyronine. However, taking additional iodine in supplements can cause your thyroid gland to produce too much thyroxine or triiodothyronine.

    This is known as iodine-induced hyperthyroidism, sometimes referred to as Jod-Basedow phenomenon. It usually only occurs if you already have nodules in your thyroid gland.

    I think I'll stop taking the supplements, really don't know what to do for the best I'm not on medication and haven't been since June 2012 and my thyroid function is within range, but the endo did say that when my eye flares up my thyroid won't and vice versa so if the swelling in my eye goes away I better get my blood checked incase my thyroid goes overactive again. Thanks for the chat you have a nice day. Best wishes.

  • This happened to me years ago. The eye specialist at our local hospital carried out a procedure called Hendersons which involved slitting the muscle in the eyelid and stretching it until the eye closes properly and doesn't look as if you are from outer space any more might be worth asking about this as I haven't had this problem since. Hope you get it sorted out.

  • So if you are reading this, you will have had a good sleep and probably have a hang over...... The graves will still be there and you have to work out, from reading forums and research how to deal with it.....

    All the info is available, get the husband to read it with you, and then challenge the doc every time he suggests a treatment if you don't agree with him.... Your body, your life and your decisions.....

  • ONLY last year I was flung into a mental home and locked up without proper meditation ....my Hubby wasn't allowed to visit me for 3 days.....YES that's probably G's fate IF. She has survived last night.......and I'd had a thyroid storm....YES I was treated appalling....I should have sued them but no I haven't the support or the strength to....

  • that is utterly horrendous....

  • I've since had my thyroid removed.....in June....the worst decision in my whole life........making my life even worse......I should sue the A....of that Endo who was like a car salesman trying over and over again to convince me to have my surgery.....YES I be the got a massive bonus payment for his part in totally ruining MY life......

  • I'm crying my heart out for poor GeorgieB thinking of her fate, whether she succeeded or not ,, things will never be the same again....if she survived....my oh my ..I dread to think........IF ONLY WE HAD THE MEDIA SUPPORT WE DESERVE......

  • need women prepared to go public with case studies, stats on national situation and I was trying to find out where in world thryoids are OK and treatment better...

  • Georgie B- so sorry my darling to hear of your struggling and pain. It's very easy for me to say please dont't give up BUT please be strong and get some help from the 'professionals' dont't be rushed when you go in be positive and list all your problems before you go in so that you don't get flustered and be honest and tell them what you did last night. I don't know where you are but I would try and meet / email you for support. My best wishes xx

  • Hello is there anybody there......or are you all ignoring me tooooooo

    I'm so upset about poor GeorgieB,,,,,,, we need a voice...it's so unjust how we are treated...the press need to know how appallingly We Grave Disease sufferers are treated....and I have Hashimotos too, only diagnosed because my stupid GP checked the wrong Antibodies TPO..... But He still ignored me when I called in at his surgery without an appointment .....with my blood pressure monitor hanging off my arm....blood pressure extremely high...pulse of 140.... The staff ignored my sobbing....and my pleas....so after an hour I straggered home in disgust....and not a soul rang me up to see if I was ok.....thoughts...........this was after I'd had a massive row with my neighbours from hell over cat poo strewn all over MY garden from the local cats who treat my garden as the local loo, I was in the middle of putting netting all over my flower beds....my pride and joy.....I stood in some cat poo Right in the Middle of my lawn....I was so angry I got a shovel and threw 8 piles of poo ....yes 8 piles....onto the road outside my garden...it's a private road leading up to mine and my neighbours garages...... And Lo and Behold.....the blonde b....h from up the road came flying into MY garden...playing wholly he'll with me...Because....woe is me....she'd got cat poo on her xxxxxxxxx car tyres.....well ...all hell let loose.....she stormed over to another 'neighbours' house and he threatened ME yes threatened me with a hosepipe......love thy neighbour....grrrrrrrrrrr....by the way my so called Doctor knew I was waiting to see him but still ignored me....

  • And you all say life gets better....I wish to God mine would...I'm hiding in my house now frightened to go out.....I haven't eaten... Cant be bothered...

  • Nuttytish, oh poor you too, you are not alone either...take some deep deep slow breaths and focus on how you breathe. Try to visualise a happy time and remember the sights, sounds and smells...This technique always helps me when I feel so very sad and on my own.....Then when you are ready reach for that kettle and make yourself a comforting drink .... I do understand like we all do on this site....email the doctors practice...you have every right to be heard and not ignored....

  • I do so hope GeorgieB is okay.

    Just wanted to say to the admin who stayed up to monitor this post/poster - my absolute respect and admiration for your care and concern.

    Thank you.

  • georgieb is ok her daughter has messaged , go into her name you will see it ,,, thank god she is ok

  • That's great news thanks for letting us know lola

  • That's fanastic news, wish my son , sister, friends etc etc, would come and visit me.......I'm all alone my hubby is at work....and if I went to my doctors the xxxxxxxxx would most likely ignore me once again as on Monday .......grrrrr.... But so pleased for G. .....I so hope she gets better treatment then I ever get, or should I say NEVER get..... Xxxxx big hugs too everyone I love you all , you people on this site are some peoples only hope xxxxx god bless you all xxxxx

    ,

  • All good wishes to her. Thank you Lola 1956 for the update xx

  • there is a new post where her daughter thanks everybody, just hope she feels better soon

  • could you post the link here please? to help those who want to access it quick? thankx

  • My GP's daughter is also a doctor. One morning she awoke and discovered the sudden onset of Graves' disease . I know she had her thyroid removed surgically so it must involve a lot of potential suffering

  • GeorgieB

    I can't say I know how you feel, because my symptoms (hypo) arnt as severe. I hope your not thinking of ending your life ! First you need to kick your husband in the nuts, give him some pain and angle on your pain and anguish. I'm sure in your life there are a lot of people who love you xx. I had a friend who ended her own life,and believe me, if she'd been here to see her friends and family fall apart, she wouldn't have done it, it was over for her, but her family never got over it. Her mum died a year later, broken heart I think. Surely there must be some help for you, the Endo needs a good slap if he / she can't see you distress you are in. Maybe it's time for you to start shouting the odds and banging your fist.

    I sincerely hope, with all my heart, you get the help you deserve, don't take no for an answer. Take care, and your in my prayers. Xxxxxx

  • Nuttyish,

    I hope your bearing up, your clearly very low, I feel for you pet, sometimes life feels like your continually shoving S***E up hill, don't give up, don't take your own life, as in my other post, it destroys everything. Don't know what to say for the best, but I'm thinking of you and your in my prayers as well hun. We have to keep plodding on x

  • cant stop crying after reading all of this. Thought I had it bad as I had my partner on suicide watch 3 weeks ago as I also hit the wall. It took me going loopy and getting to this stage before my partner realised how bad I really was. Im lucky now to have some support but its a crime to have to get to this level before anyone realises how ill you really are.

    My heart goes out to you all and you are all in my prayers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • awk hunni dont worry. I hope you did not do anything bad.. what you are thinking is a long term solution to a short term problem. you are not lazy or paranoid dont ever think that. why don't you go to a counselor hunni 08457 90 90 90 * (UK)

    1850 60 90 90 * (ROI)

    free confidential advice.

    I can almost guarantee you will feel like the world has been lifted off your shoulders when you talk to them

    please do this. x

  • Doctors and partners (and sufferers, too) need to recognise that paranoia and emotional ups and downs ... and downs ... are an inextricable part of this illness. As is debilitating exhaustion. At its worst, I was able to do nothing with my Graves except lie down - and even then sometimes I'd be shaking with exhaustion while lying in bed. This will improve as the anti-thyroid drugs start to take effect but you need to avoid stress as much as possible because this really does trigger your immune system into a reaction.

    Reading your account, I've just remembered - before I got the Graves diagnosis, my GP thought I was having a breakdown - I'd tried to drink a bottle of bleach after a row with my other half. That all seems a long way away, I can't imagine how I came to feel that way now - but it just goes to show how profoundly emotions are affected. GPs quite frequently assume psychiatric illness and mine didn't check my thyroid until I developed eye disease. It will get better as the drugs kick in - which will be pretty soon if you're on carbimazole, or a couple of weeks if PTU. You might like to ask about betabockers if the anxiety is unbearable.

    Meantime, please show this to your husband and ask him - from me - to be sympathetic and patient. Unsympathetic doctors are another thing altogether .....

  • Good Evening all my new found friends. I am so sorry to have worried and couldn't believe the kind thoughts and wishes . I woke this morning, it can't be my time to go. Endo appt.... Waste of time, more bloods see again in 8 weeks. He Sussex I was low and promptly told me suicide rates in graves is high! Cheers for that. Never told him what I had done did want him rubbing his chest thinking 'oh I'm good at this. I did say through tears why aren't more media attention etc, no reply. My daughter screamed at him I have lost my mum, she was a happy go lucky women full of life, but now she's a quivering wreck and frightened of her own shadow. Nothing!!!!!

  • I am sooo glad you are ok eventhough you are not well, i know it is horrible to be so ill please always come and find support on here when you are feeling low and feel free to PM me if you need someone to rant at.

    BIG HUG

    Martine

  • U have made me cry. I'm going through the same thing and like u don't know where the happy go lucky me has gone

  • Hi GeorgieB, I wish I was close enough to give you a hug, after reading your post I was close to tears, i trueley feel for you and have said a prayer for you to get better soon. x

  • After reading what you went through I just want to say I think you are very brave and please dont ever give up the fight for your recovery.. you will get there in the end with the love and support of your family. I didnt realise just how bad Graves could be as i am hyperthyroid and after 28yrs on Levo have demanded to try T3/T4 combo and very slowly feeling gradually better altho I hate having to wait 6 or sometimes 7 mths before seeing my endo and not really feeling he wants to get me well and doesnt say very much. It all seems a waste of time but I have changed my GP and think she is trying her best to help my recovery and is willing to give blood tests that I ask for, unlike the last doctor I had.

    I really do hope you will find the right way forward for you very soon.. just ask for help and it will come from somewhere Im sure.. All the very best in your battle for good health, which you and so many others on here are fighting for..

    Sylvia x

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