I have been unwell now for just over 4 years, and like a lot of us on here I have totally shoddy treatment courtesy of the NHS, and have ended up self medicating again. I have noticed that due to the way I am now, I find I have little tolerance for lots of things and relationships have suffered badly, all my long term friends are no more and I am talking very long term friendships up to 30+ years, I can no longer work but struggled the last year or so when I was so emotional and irrational in my behaviour if something upset me. Making new friendships is hard being unwell and getting frustrated that people do not get it!!! I appear to be involved in conflict at all levels with pretty much everyone from my G.P's through to getting benefits...( I have worked all my life until Jan this year and they make your life hell)
And this is the worst of it all, I have just spent a night in Brighton ( I was born there ) with my parents who treated me to a little break, as I really do not have a life anymore due to the restrictions of this illness, we did lunch on the prom, then drinks and dinner in the evening, the whole time I was uncomfortable and sweating as I cannot handle heat of any kind, aching when I sit, hurting when I walk...Blah Blah
We met for breakfast this morning and we had some more things planned, BUT all I wanted to do was go home as I was looking at my now BIG FAT SWEATING mess of a body, and really became so unhappy with what I saw in the mirror having always been small, and happy with my looks and just had a complete meltdown with my parents and saying they did not understand, they do try but they do not really get how much of a struggle it is to achieve even the smallest of tasks and I knew I could not face the day ahead even though we were doing nice relaxing things, so we had a row and I ended up wobbling off!! It seems I ruin everything nowadays as I cannot cope with what I have become, I have always been so confident and happy and now living this crappy life is torture for me. I am trying to get better but I really do wonder if I ever will regain even a part of me ever again and that's scares the life out of me.