Bereavement and IBS

[MidnightReader]

My dad passed away last week after a long illness. He went peacefully in the end but only after us sitting with him for three days, watching him go slowly. Unsurprisingly my IBS has flared up once again and it just feels like too much to take along with the grief. I just don't know how to manage everything.

[MistyDay]

So very sorry to hear of your loss. I still feel the pain of the loss of both my parents, despite this being many years ago.Stress affects IBS, as does lack of sleep. I lost 3 loved ones recently, 2 family members and a close friend. Thus sleepless nights and deep sadness too. If we loved someone deeply the pain will be very hard to bear. You have the right to be sad, and grief affects us physically and emotionally in many ways. Don't fight the grief. I say to myself I am a clone of my parents and they live on in me. Focussing on good memories provides a comfort to me. Your father would not want you to be sad. He gave you life. Feel his spirit as a presence around you , looking out for you every day. Take care.

[Starfush]

vitamin d and magnesium would help

[winfong]

I'm so sorry. IBS is kind of cruel in that way. You've got something terrible to deal with, so IBS just decides it will add itself to your miseries.

I would suggest allowing yourself some time to grieve. I.e., don't even try to manage everything. Just give yourself over to your grief. (Kind of like sitting shiva, if you've ever heard of the Jewish practice.)

Now, if you're the one who now has to take care of everything, this advice may not apply. I'm an only child, so when my mom died, I spent all my time taking care of my dad. And when my dad died, I spent all my time taking care of his estate. I really never had a chance to grieve either of them, which sadly still affects me to this day.

[Campoverde]

I understand all of this. My husband died 16 months ago, my daughter, an only child is having a very difficult divorce which has been going on for 12 months, she leans on me for support. I’m living abroad and want to come home but I don’t want to come into that situation so I’m waiting until it’s resolved. I had my IBS pretty much under control but since all this happened it’s been pretty bad. I don’t know what the answer is as the stress isn’t going away anytime soon.

[Zantecat]

I’m not sure if this is obvious, but I don’t think it’s been mentioned, you should talk this through with your Doc, not least because some medication might be in order.

[ruskin10 in reply to Zantecat]

That's great if you have gp who takes his eyes of his screen and looks at you for more that 5 seconds. I have not

[Zantecat in reply to ruskin10]

You have to insist you get help, try a different Doc if necessary, one of them will be empathetic. Try to say what you need, is it help with the IBS ( some medication), do you need some short term help with sleep .

I agree Docs can be useless ( I don’t go unless I absolutely have to) but sometimes they are the only path to things that help ( get us through the tough times in life).

Also keep talking, to anyone or here x

[ruskin10 in reply to Zantecat]

Thank you you're right

[BabsyWabsy]

My husband died 15 months ago. I had been holding everything together for years, (in retrospect). His death was expected, he had been unwell for years, but he survived for 5 months after a terminal diagnosis gave him days to live. This allowed us some breathing space to sort things out and get used to the idea that he was dying. In the end, it was a relief as well as a shock. Initially, my gut issues got worse, but quite quickly settled. Maybe because I had to be functional to deal with what needed to be done. The distraction seems to help, but I also took loperamide where necessary, and this helped. After a while, quite a few of my ailments settled down. Maybe because I no longer needed to be on high alert all the time. I agree with Zantecat that talking to your GP could help. Your grief is personal. Something that helped me was to talk about my late husband, so that others, including our three adult children, know it is OK to talk about him.

[MidnightReader]

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. Today feels a bit better, not much but a bit and I suppose that’s just how it will be. I’m going to have to learn to navigate life without dad.

I have spoken to my GP and have a counselling appointment booked and we’ve talked about medication.

I’m so sorry to read what others are going through. Grief is such a lonely place even if you’re surrounded by people who support you.

I’ve managed to replace the image of dad’s last hours in my head with happier memories.

Thank you all again

[Sparrow58]

I am sorry to hear your news. I am going through the same thing. Lost my mum a couple of weeks ago. I now have Covid and too poorly to go to her funeral. Can not risk the health of elderly relatives and friends. This has set my IBS off. Thank goodness for the Internet I can be there even if it's not physically. But my IBS did not stop me saying goodbye in her last few hours. IBS did not take that precious moment. Take care of yourself.

[MidnightReader in reply to Sparrow58]

So sorry to hear you’re going through this too and that you can’t be there in person for your mums funeral. Such a cruel thing to happen. I’m glad to hear you got to say goodbye. My dad passed when I’d gone out for five minutes. Nurses said he’d done it to protect me but I wish I’d been there.

[bungi1961]

Sad to hear about your Dad!!! Grief upsets people in different ways well my son Died the end of 2019 suddenly I won't go into details it was after I had gone through B/Cancer Chemo-Radio 2018 my son had an illness since 2007 and he attended Headways now just after that happened I had to have a course of antibiotics then most of 2020 I had to stall indoors due to that COVID stuff which also brought on Diverticular Disease/IBS having loose poop/constipation blood mixed in with it every few months I did several FIT Tests early 2021 had 2 colonoscopies Polyp removal both times with my history of Cancer I had to have tests but all OK thanks I had to have another 19th Oct 2024 well that is a brief outline of my stuff and problems so I do think grief can upset your body in more ways than you can handle without you realizing then last year my Mum died she lived 150 miles away from me so I could not go to hear funeral due to my bloody tummy ETC my siblings that lived near her just don't understand SORRY for writing an essay about it but I tried to be brief until they have tummy problems they won't it is only people on this forum do take care xxx I hope you can make sense of it?

bungi1961