Looking for advice

[Catlover16]

I was diagnosed with IBS in 2018. My husband had died on 2014 and in 2018 I was told my stepson had cancer. This is when my problems really started and got worse when he was diagnosed with a brain tumour that Christmas and died in April 2019. In 2020, halfway through lockdown 1 moved into a retirement flat hoping for a quiet time. Unfortunately the manager made the wicked witch of the west look like Mary Poppins but now she is gone and hopefully things will improve. Hopefully my IBS will improve but not yet. I am not C or D but need the loo frequently, making me wonder what on earth have I been eating. I also have wet explosions which are really annoying. Most of this is caused by anxiety and tension. Any advice would be helpful, thanks.

[BabsyWabsy]

Catlover16 you have certainly experienced a lot of stress over the years. It is very likely that this has contributed to your IBS. I also get the 'explosion' and sometimes it is hard to know what is coming! I hope things settle down for you with a change of manager where you are living. I lost my husband of 50 years last August, he had terminal throat cancer and had been unwell for years. I have to say that my IBS has had a tendency to improve because he is now at peace. I had been his carer for 35 years. I lost my dad in 2017, my mum in 2018, and our dear dog in 2021, and now my darling husband in 2023. I get it. Do you have any say about what you are eating? Can you discuss with the catering team and/or a nutritionist?

[Catlover16 in reply to BabsyWabsy]

I'm sorry to hear about your losses. You have had it a lot harder than me. My parents died many years ago but I still feel their loss. Like you, losing my pets is also hard as they too are part of the family . Just me now so it’s up to me as to what I eat and I am aware of what sets an attack off but it’s difficult (and boring) having to limit and watch what you eat. My husband had prostrate cancer which had gone into his bones. He should have had a couple of years left but he had one shot of chemo and eight days later he was gone. It was a shock. I hope things get better for you.

[BabsyWabsy in reply to Catlover16]

That must have been such a shock for you happening so quickly. Philip was initially given 'days to live', but large doses of steroids helped him to eat and drink again, which gave us another 6 months to get used to the idea. I am making an effort to cook proper meals for myself. I like cooking and use it to destress. I am allergic to wheat, so cooking from scratch is the best thing and I can make whatever I fancy. I am also walking everyday which is really helping my fitness levels which had declined from years of driving to various hospitals and sitting for hours. Walking in the fresh air also helps me sleep.

[Catlover16 in reply to BabsyWabsy]

I don’t like cooking tho I’m not a bad cook so I usually cook my own food. Don’t like all the additives in ready meals. A couple of times a week I will have a ready meal, but that’s after an afternoon volunteering at the shop and I am often shattered. Fortunately I live by the sea and I ought to walk along the prom more than I do. May wait until it’s a bit warmer though!

[Wallace-s]

it really does sound like ‘mindfulness’ would help you considerably (and sincerely not meaning to patronise you), as life has clearly tested you, and perhaps manifested the hurt into a physical symptom.

There is an app called ‘Calm’ - that offers guided meditation, breathing and general: time out sessions.

It’s helped me and improved my sleep.

Also a huge help is exercising = getting out doors etc.

Lastly have a look into the FODMAP diet, could be relevant to you and worth so research time.

I wish you all the very best🙏🏻

[Catlover16 in reply to Wallace-s]

Thank you for mentioning Calm. I will look it up. Always had difficulty relaxing. I take care over my food and have learned what sets me off but sometimes it just hits me anyway. I have taken screenshots of the Fodmap diet and check them out now and again. Thank you for your advice. Fortunately my GP accepts IBS, but as you say, that’s where the help ended.

[Catlover16 in reply to Wallace-s]

I had a look at Calm but not sure it’s for me. I sleep ok - would do better if I stopped reading whodunnits! Have given yoga a go (sprained my big toe, really painful) also dabbled at meditation. Living by the sea I really ought to get out walking more so will make a point of doing that. Thank you for your help.

[Frasina]

So sorry to hear what you have said in your post. Stress and anxiety go hand in hand with IBS (there is a very strong brain-gut connection). So, you need counselling as in talking therapy that will not only help you but also help your IBS calm down too. You can either self refer online (all counties provide this service) and type in that you have general anxiety disorder (GAD) and someone will in the first instance telephone you and you hopefully will then get face to face sessions all free. Or you can do this via your GP as well but don't let the GP fob you off with 'nothing I can do, and try some antidepressants!' That is not the answer unless you have explored all other avenues. If you can get your anxiety under control, you will find your IBS is easier to manage. Keep a food diary too as you may have certain trigger foods, but I have both IBS and IBD and know only too well that stress is not our friend when it comes to IBS etc...

[Catlover16 in reply to Frasina]

I have always been a bit anxious. I think I got it off my mum who had a nervous breakdown when I was fifteen. What really hit hard after reading everybody’s stories is that people have been suffering IBS for many years but there seems to be no medical interest in finding out about the disease and helping its victims. I have volunteered for Cancer Research UK for 20 years, had cancer myself, and the research results have been phenomenal. The same goes for asthma research. Why have we IBS victims been ignored and left behind?

[Catlover16 in reply to Frasina]

Thanks for this advice. I applied on line and have a telephone appointment for January 30. Really quick I thought. Usually a listener but maybe it’s time for me to talk.

[Frasina in reply to Catlover16]

I am so pleased that you have an appointment and so soon! That is great news... I have always been a listener all my life, and my background is in teaching psychology, but I have a couple of times found talking therapy to be very beneficial as they are good at getting you to manage your anxiety which will help you. Do let us know how you get on and good luck!

[Frasina]

Probably because IBS is an umbrella term when doctors believe there is nothing untoward going on! That said, it is wise to seek tests especially after 20 years of suffering; if you have never had any official tests then ask! As mentioned, I would in your shoes also go down the talking therapy route. Good luck

[Catlover16 in reply to Frasina]

Yes, I will look into that. Fortunately the people where I volunteer are a decent bunch and I can talk to them about some things but of course they are not professionals and they have their own problems. Sometimes hearing their problems put mine into perspective a bit.