I wanted to know if any of you have had the experience of losing friendships because of this anxiety and IBS situation? I have found that people seem to exclude you in social circles, especially if you might have had a slight attack during an event. I always feel terrible if I suddenly have to leave a party or dinner. People seem to have no tollerance for this. I love people and can talk to everyone and make friends everywhere. Lately it just seems to get worse. Maybe I just feel lonelier because I now live in a small town where people know everyone and are very critical of others..... Anyone else feel this way???
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Stine7211
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I'm definitely not playing down your feelings as I know how incredibly isolating ibs can be. But I do think that as sufferers we tend to build it up into something huge in our minds and imagine others are doing so too. Just think, if you were at a party and someone had to make their excuses and leave would you feel intolerant or annoyed towards them? No you'd just get on with your night. People are generally so focused on themselves they don't pay much attention to others, it just feels like they do when you're the one having to dash off.
Having said that it has impacted on my social life. I'm very reluctant to do long car/public transport journeys with friends these days as I'm not open with them about my condition and I know I'd end up in a panic which always makes my symptoms worse. I can only just manage it with my partner and he knows about my problems. So I've had to pass up a lot of weekends away, days out, road trips etc which is sad. But these days we all have kids and don't get together as often a we once dis anyway X
I have never built up to anything huge! Anything but to be honest. But i have been treat like shit and ignored and not invited anymore because "i need the toilet" xxxx
Maybe it's just me then. But during bad spells I always get paranoid that everyone knows when in reality they probably don't care. It's such a shame people have been cruel to you because of it. I've never found that thankfully but I do isolate myself regardless.
Just a note to say I liked your reply. Very well described and I fully agree with all you say.
I am a keen Golfer and it is often difficult enough to get round my home course with friends but much more difficult on trips to play elsewhere. I also have had to pass up on going away with groups to play matches and holiday trips as ,like you I would probably panic and have symptoms if I was involved in Journeys in some ones car or a coach etc.
I have been open with some golfing friends and tried to make light of it but sometimes that can make matters worse, if the try to joke about it. Things like --"you will be ok , there is loads of bushes you can dive into" , start to become tiresome. I have handled it for near on 50 years now and it does impact on your social life. It is especially hard on a spouse or partner when after getting all ready to go out somewhere and an attack starts and you say sorry I really can't leave the building.
I can echo missbee EXACTLY VERBATIM here. Same experience. My issues have turned me into an introvert. But my son is an active extrovert and my partner loves to be out doing things (can't sit still or be indoors) all the time.
I am constantly opting out of things to the point where, over time, I feel anxious and my gut seizes up just THINKING about having to attend some function.
It's a dastardly disorder for sure.
My aspiration once my son has grown up (he's 11) is to become an really excellent recluse. 😉
Yes me! It is unfortunate that us "wierdo's" need the loo or panic i suffer anxiety and IBS severely and have become a loner. Its one thing dealing with our health but where did our supposed "true friends" go~/ xxx
No i dont find this at all, i find it difficult having to go to loo a lot and get a lot of urgency ect......
Cant wait while next week cus moving from a 4 bed to bungalow.
Diligent 500.
I tend to isolate myself and turn down invitations because of my own embarrassment rather than the other way around. I'm often reassured by friends that because they know of my problems they are fine dealing with it. It is difficult to make new friends though as I am always aware that I have to maybe dash off suddenly so actually avoid stopping and talking to people even when out walking the dog as often have to dive behind a bush when I'm on a bad day. Embarrassing!
Yes, I have also experienced loss of friendship (or friends distancing themselves) due to not being able to always meet up when expected too and having to cancel at the last minute. I have IBS plus chronic migraine so can never be sure how I will feel until the moment I have to leave the house and then I never know if I will have to come home early. I know how difficult this is for friends to understand but people say if they are true friends they will understand. They do for a while but then get really tired of it all and I'm sure they see me as some kind of hypochondriac who's always ill. I am in fact, a really strong person but these two conditions bring me to my knees and there's not much I can do. I am nearly 70 now and still worry myself sick about letting people down. My circle of friends has dwindled and I no longer belong to clubs and have a social life because I cannot bear having to keep ringing up saying I am unable to come. Life is easier now as I don't go out much at all but at least I don't have to keep feeling so guilty all the time. I met an old school chum yesterday at the surgery (was there about IBS) and I discovered that they had had a little reunion recently and hadn't invited me. That told me everything I needed to know. I am also a really sociable person and get on with everyone but if I can't do what people want they don't like it and it's so unfair.
I am sorry to hear that you are also going through the same kind of friendship exclusion due to IBS. I cannot understand how people can be so unkind and it's very sad. Life is tough enough with all this to deal with
but I try to be positive and am lucky to have a family, although even they are tired of me not being able to plan ahead and help out with child minding when they need me as I might have to cancel at the last minute. It is frustrating for them but I wish they could understand that it's not my fault and there is nothing I can. At least we are not alone and there are others like us who are suffering too.
I could of wrote that word for word the same exactly my self, only i can add heart, back, anxiety, and now ankylosing spondalitus, as well as the IBS to cope with and im only 53.
But life has to go on, some accept us as we are, or they dont/can not.
I must admit I have lost a couple of what I thought were good friends. One I went to school with (I'm 53 now - so long term). But I also have made some new ones and I tend to go with the philosophy that they weren't the friends i thought they were so good riddance!
I think IBS tends to be a bit of an isolating condition. There are certain things I don't push myself to do (days out - unless near a loo! Public transport, Etc.) Ive also got a knee problem at the moment which means walking more than 10 mins is a problem which doesn't help!
Don't worry about making your excuses in company. There are far more sufferers that you think!
Yes. I have no friends now at all. Well one in London I see once a year without fail she comes to me as she knows I can't travel alone. It was my anxiety that did it more than the ibs. They didn't understand 😢. I am now lonely. I am such a sociable person too. Chatty, friendly do anything for anybody type. I miss having a friend to chat to. It seems weird to be 61and have no friends. Xxx
I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same! I've spent a lot of time in hospitals recently and I'm sure I drive the nurses mad with my chat!! I too feel extremely lonely and hurt that when they needed a friend I was the first one there but now that I need them I'm on my own. Says a lot about them really. The gradual isolation started about 8 years ago. You'd think I'd be over it by now but I still get the odd text telling me they'll visit when they have the time but I'm still waiting!
Firstly please don't let that get you down ! Seriously the worlds a compete mess and your worries about some morons who exclude you because of something like ibs. What ,they scared if they catch it? Stuff them! How about you just concentrate on doing things that distract you from worrying over silly things like that . When you feel down , worried and stressed I always feel my ibs is way worse . If anything they probably exclude you cause you sound like a social butterfly and take the spot light away from them . Be yourself and yes ibs f cking sux big time I know but heck it's a part of us dammit and if we can't be accepted for that then to hell with them.
I think some of the responsibility has to be with us. I have a friend that has a myriad of health issues that is currently restricting her activities. I invite her out for everything, and she turns everything down. It's unfortunate, but it does make it hard to keep asking her out, so I can now see this issue from both sides.
What I see the responsibilities of the sufferers as, is to be honest about your illness. People can't guess what you are experiencing. Even worse if they don't know you are sick, they might just think you're blowing them off. I also think it's our responsibility to suggest activities that are suitable for us. It's hard for others to guess at the limitations of an illness.
Of course, some people are jerks and not worth being friends with anyways.
True friends will understand, shallow jerks will not. They do not need to be your friend and you should not waste time on people like that. Over the years I have come to learn that the only person we all truly need is yourself. Adding back friends that are true friends is key.
IBS etc is a huge jerk of an issue as it cannot be easily understood by others. IBS begets anxiety and vise versa in many cases.
I have decided to invent a device that translates the pains we feel daily to others just so they can better understand our issues. It will be the ultimate friend test as any friend that would say yes to using the device with us would be worth keeping.
Yes. I have IBS D but I also have Type 1 Diabetes and end stage kidney failure. I found that as long as I could carry on working and having a normal life everything was OK. But as soon as I started to get really ill and could no longer go out and party I was relegated to the scrap heap. When I needed friends the most I had no-one. I'll get the occasional text and promises of a visit but nothing ever materialises. I have had some really bad health news on a couple of occasions; things that I can't tell my family because it would upset and worry them hugely, so I have to keep it to myself! After years of sharing their problems I'm no longer of any use to them and it hurts because I thought our friendship was deeper than that. I tell my husband to an extent but he doesn't show much emotion and it never feels like he has really taken in the enormity of what I'm telling him. Recent developments in my health have meant that I can't leave the house now without assistance and it will be the best part of a year before I can so I'm unable to join groups and try to start new friendships. I wish I'd done it sooner while I still could; I may have made new friendships by now. I know some people may think that you're being overly sensitive but you know your friends better than anyone! If you feel that they're avoiding you then something has happened to make you feel like that. I tried to keep in touch with friends for a long time but it gets to the point when it becomes embarrassing. I even sent Facebook friend requests to some friends that have been ignored. The only advantage is that I have a lot more time for my family and I'm grateful for that! If you can find some activity that you can do where you have the opportunity to make new friends then try that! I was going to join a Pilates class for people with disabilities where everyone can understand and empathise with your situation. I also had researched book clubs in my area as I'm a keen reader. As long as I know there is a toilet handy then I'm confident enough to go somewhere. Its when I'm not familiar with somewhere that the anxiety increases and with that my need for the toilet! I do understand your situation. Ask your GP for a referral for cognitive behavioural therapy as I've heard that has helped many people deal with the anxiety aspect of IBS. I hope you manage to find new friends who can empathise with your situation and will support you. Sometimes you just have to give up on friendships that make you miserable and move on.
I am so sorry to hear about your health at this stage. Thank you so much for your input, aswell as everyone else's. It has helped me so much! I now realize that I am not imagining these things and cannot just 'pull myself together', as I have heard many many times from family members etc. How cool would it have been if we all could be each others friend.... Unfortunately distance is an obstacle, but how amazing to get so much support after feeling all these emotions for more than 20 years and not quite being able to explain to everyone what we feel. I wish all the best with your health and pray for a speedy recovery.
It is a pity about the distance but we can still offer support to each other on here! At least we know we aren't alone. There are so many people now that I've heard of recently with this awful condition. Young and old and in-between! It has to be something to do with modern life. Maybe the preservatives that go into our food? I don't know!! But it's peculiar that so many of us have developed it lately. I wish you well and hope everything improves for you soon. It would be lovely if we got some of our lives back eventually!! xx
It is so sad that we find ourselves in this situation. Friends, true friends would enjoy our company even if it was over a,coffee in our home. Why do we have to go out! I was a good and caring friend. Offered advice where needed and comfort too. It's shaken me to my core to be friendless at my age. I have my Daughter tho who is fab company. We have some amazing days out.. SHRIEK with laughter at my limping and sudden urge for loo..she is a true friend AND daughter But if I can't go she completely understands too. I see those friends out and about at times... I can honestly say, their loss as I was he best friend they will ever have and they tossed me aside. I am.now blowing a large raspberry. Rofl. Fabulous to chat on here. Love to you all. Mwah 😘 😘 😘 😘 xxx
I wanted to agree with a lot of what has already been said. Anxiety plays a huge part for my symptoms of ibs and I tend to overthink every little detail. I'm a natural born worrier anyway, but ibs makes it slightly worse.
Just a thought, but have you tried explaining your condition to your friends? You never know, you might just end up finding out one of them suffers the same. Then at least if they chose to be pathetic and lose your friendship, it's their problem, not yours.
My close friends have always know my condition and even know my triggers so when ordering food, they check it doesn't contain any of them. And also that if I have a stressful time ahead they are well prepared if I cancel plans.
I do find however, that like some other people have said, I tend to exclude myself from things that cause me to feel anxious.
Hope you find some help with this, and if they are true friends they will stand by you no matter what your situation.
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