Stage 4 Year 6 Still Struggling

[endoruinedmyskelly]

I'm at a rough spot. I've had 5 laparoscopic surgeries, including a hysterectomy, and still having severe and disabling stage 4 endometriosis pain. I had adenomyosis as well. I currently have alopecia, severe pelvic floor dysfunction, a twisted pelvis, anterior pelvic tilt, thyroid nodules, abdominal lesions, hip dysplasia. I'm sure I'm forgetting some as well. I don't have insurance at the moment and am in pure agony. My mental health and stability is very low and I'm trying to recover from an eating disorder. I've tried all of the hormonal options, all the pain relief options and nothing is helping. Any help is appreciated. I'm feeling completely hopeless. I'm two seconds away from completely giving up.

[purrfectly-lovedlass]

I want to exchange more details to my story so I can explainwhy I understand wanting to give up. Hopefully I will be able to in the future but what's most important right now is for you to see a reply to your message TODAY. You are a totaly stranger, and I live overseas so this may seem odd, but I urgently needed to send some form of a reply. I urgently want to show you I see you, I notice your grief and pain, but its not time to give up sweety. Its time to rest up, then get back up. I understand deeply how much your Ed voice or Ed head makes resting so utterly hard that it feels impossible. Our Ed's are vicious, Jenny Shaffer* was right about "him" being the most abusive "male" you will ever face leaving. So because I am in a very similar arena* as you, I don't want to risk loosing you to giving up. Cuz I listened to my Ed heads perfectionism about my response "needing" to be revised and edited to Ed's standard.... Guuuuurl! 🤦‍♀️ I deleated that version to type this quickly so that my Ed wouldn't win this round.

I see you. You are worth fighting for. Don't give up, trust me you'll regret it! Ur right it's hard as hell, yet you my dear, are so strong for your willingness to post this and everything else you do or have done to make it to this moment. There are beautiful characteristics us women who live with endometriosis are given the opportunity to grow into. Gorgeously resilient, compassionate, and wonderfully altruistic women.

One second at a time is all I could/can deal with in certain seasons of life. Its a very valid way to survive as you wait with hope while learning to adapt and survive. Just. Dont. Give. Up. You have permission to take things one second, moment, minute, hour or day at a time. I have found the best mental health hack to overcome hard seasons, is to write down 3 things I am grateful for daily in my journal. I try to not to repeat things but I'm sure I have since I started this habit in 2023. I hope you are willing to try this habit.

I will try response to you as soon as I can. Having to battle Ed, CPTSD, endo, co-existing diagnoses and be a human is hard. I feel like its while learning what the balance is that your body's needs to thrive and applying it as regular habits, is when its more tempting to give up. I just lost more insurance coverage too this year so I definitely relate there too.

I see your post is from 18 days ago, I

just created my account at 3:25am (where I live) I have been trying to get my reply typed to you since and it's now 6:35am! Ugh. If things don't make sense let me know and I'll try to clarify in my reply.

The two * are for citations-

Life Without Ed, by Jenni Shaffer

Brene Brown's TedTalk&book Dearing Greatly