AN - BN - BED?

[Jots1234]

I haven't posted in a long time and thought I was doing well. Family circumstances changed last year and I was able to build confidence and make positive changes to food. I was discharged from the ED service having weight restored in March but I've consistently gained weight each month since.

From purely restricting in the early years to bingeing/purging in the last 2yrs I seem to just binge these days. The destructive negative self talk hasn't improved despite lots of counselling.

I know the principles, and what I should do but sabotage.

I'm overwhelmed, confused, stuck, feeling hopeless and useless at the moment and everything has hit me at once. I'm restricting, bingeing and purging each day right now and don't know what to do.

Think I'm just reaching out from a hopeless situation feeling needy and isolated. Any advice?

[56artist_]

I had been anorexic 40 yrs since 14. 7 yrs ago checked into outpatient treatment finally recovered but daily I will to not relapse never did I purge or throw up only starve cancer attacks people anorexia took us like a cancer we did not chose it it took us recovery is real as 40 yrs long time to be sick anorexia ed are all about control we start at basement as to why we became ill and work our way to upstairs as 50 yrs repressed all childhood memories 4 yrs into treatment. Only 3 yrs one memory at a time came back I had a very abusive dad as a child so anorexia took me to have something. I could control food but my recovery is real and worth every fight I have put into it you can recover and you are not hopeless believe in you and put on your armor and fight it is freedom from that anorexic prison and never to return

[Jots1234 in reply to 56artist_]

Thank you for you reply. I had an abusive childhood which led to my problems, not sure when they started but anorexia was full blown by 15, been up and down for over 30yrs. Not coping with life right now and all the things I can't control, don't want to be back in ED treatment but also feel I need some support, well done for keeping going with your recovery, keep strong xx

[56artist_ in reply to Jots1234]

Wow we kind of walked in the same pair of shoes as U know anorexia is a monster the most deadly mental illness I want to be there for you chat anytime don't struggle alone anorexia is usually always brought on by a traumatic event in our life we both can relate you be strong and fight

[Jots1234 in reply to 56artist_]

Thank you xx

[crazycrossstitcher]

Suggest you re connect with the ED service and get some more support. ABC also have a helpline you can call. It sounds like you still have some unresolved issues around - so do seek some more help. I use a meal plan to help me control things - set at start of week with 3 meals and 3 snacks - whenever I feel like straying I take a good look at this to pull myself in. Also arrange to be "busy" after meals - or be with other people. Hope this helps - but do seek some more support.