A couple of days ago I had applied for a new job, nothing amazing just something I would love to do and thought I'd be good at, unfortunately I received a very brief email saying "sorry I've already got someone else"
I know everyone's going to think oh just get over it, it's not like I lost a job. But it feels like that, I just feel so bad now, so worthless, so useless, like I'll never get my life back.
I'd been restricting for weeks and now I can't stop continually binging and purging till it hurts, so much so I want to die. I find myself crying, just stopping in the middle of the hallway and crying uncontrollably.
I've been like this for days now and I don't know how to stop it and get control back again. Please help, someone with any kind of advice would be so greatly appreciated.
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TraumatisedTrainer
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I don't really have the answers or any suggestions but I just wanted to say that I know what you're going through and although I can't pinpoint how exactly it does it get better and things do improve.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It's nice to know someone understands and doesn't think I'm just overreacting. This site really is the only thing that keeps me going a lot of the time, and it would be nothing without supportive people like you.
I'm really pleased you're doing well now, you give me hope and that's rare these days. Thank you for replying to my PM, it's so helpful to know that treatment is worth it and it really can work. I tried for years to get help on the NHS and got nowhere so I'm going to America in September with the hope that it'll be worth it.
I always thought I would be strong enough to beat this on my own, when I was ready, but I think I was just fooling myself into thinking I was in control. Realising where I'm heading, quite quickly, towards a heart attack or organ failure, I can't fool myself anymore. I just hope the support from everyone on here will keep me going till I can get there. I wonder if you were part of a group? I tried to find an ED support group near me, with no luck. I don't understand why there aren't more groups, there are so many people who suffer with this every day.
Thank you for being there for me, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
Sorry late replying to you, only I"m stuck in bed with yet another UTI! Another reason for you to seek & take the much needed help on offer to you in Sept.
As once you have had "Organ Failure", many of your organs can become damaged, my lungs are severely damaged as I also had Respiratory Failure in 2012, now have re-current bouts of Severe Pneumonia needing hospitalisation!
I regard myself as one of the fortunate ones as many who have had Organ Failure just don"t make it @ all! @ least by the Grace of God I"m still here!
I agree about ED Support Groups they are so few & far between! Have you tried B.E.A.T. its an organisation that runs many groups all over the Country? They maybe able to help support you & keep you motivated until you go to America in Sept.
If you go to google type in BEAT it will show where the nearest & next meeting date to your Area. You can also pick BEAT leaflets up from your Local Surgery/Chemist/ MIND Organisation. There is usually a phone number on the back of leaflet if you just wished to chat to someone with ED!
Also have you tried OA, this (I thought it was a crazy suggestion when it was 1st put to me! OA stands for "Over-Eaters Anonymous!") However I was so desperate, I did give them a go & was amazed just how many people in the Meeting suffering from all types of ED, lots of Bulimic & Anorexic people! I met some lovely supportive members there. In fact there were more people in the Meeting with AN/BN than Over-eaters! Worth a try? You can find information of nearest Meeting again via Internet by typing in Over-Eaters Anonymous!
I hope/pray you get some support until you go to America in September!
One thing you are spot on about, you can"t do this alone, trust me I tried for over 30 years! You desperately need Specialised Help! I sincerely wish you well Amy with your Treatment.
In my thoughts & prayers
Sending you positive, healing, healthy energies your way.
Sorry it's taken me a couple of days to reply, I haven't been able to get on here. each time I tried I just got a blank white screen! Not supportive at all.
I hope you're feeling better and are recuperating in the sunshine.
It's been an interesting couple of days, leading up to today, where I found myself crying in the bathroom, wishing, praying for death.
I can't tell at this point, if it's a disease driving me insane and destroying my body, or it's my head choosing to kill my body because I hate it so much. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror and I just wondered how anyone makes it through this. But I know they must.
I tried BEAT before ABC directed me to this website but they didn't have anything near me. I will defiantly try OA (fingers crossed there's one in my area). Without this site I've been more lost than usual. I'm hoping having a group set in stone, that I can go to, and know there'll be someone to listen to me , or for me to listen to, will stop me from going crazy when I'm alone.
Thank you so much for being so wonderfully understanding, I hadn't yet met anyone that realised how hard this was to get rid of. Everyone seems to think it's so simple and I feel like I'm going crazy trying to explain it, and maybe it's me that's got it wrong!?!
I am so dreadfully sorry, I can totally empathise, synthesise & understand to horrific deep-seated pain that is inside you & driving your head crazy!
Come on now Cariad (I"m Welsh it means Sweet heart!), you can do this, you have too!
Please believe me & trust me when I say that the Suicidal tendencies became so horrendously strong for me, I had a Full Blown Nervous Breakdown & ended up admitted to a Victorian Psychiatric Hospital, where I truly did think I was loosing my mind!
I used to hit myself in the stomach or pull my hair out as for of punishment if I gained even a couple of pounds!
This is a horrendous, insidious illness Amy I don"t have to tell you that!
I don"t want to sound harsh but you have to keep it together for September or you could loose the very Placement that will save your life! You may not get this opportunity to do it again!
If you don"t mind me asking how old you are?
Also do you suffer from Anorexia Nervosa or Bulimia?
I don"t usually do this for obvious reasons but here is my private E-mail address so you can contact me direct & if you want to speak to me on the phone, you can give me your phone number & I will ring you for a chat! You certainly sound as if you need one!!
boofleboys@btinternet.com is my E-mail address, I trust you enough not to pass it on to anyone but I can actually feel the dispair & confusion you are suffering right now!
I have to go to the Doctors myself this am but will be in this pm if you wish to speak to me?
I hope I can elevate some of your fears & help point you in the right direction for help before September, which in my opinion is a long way off, when you"re feeling so desperate!!
I"ll look out for a reply but NO PRESSURE on your behalf to speak to me, it is just a suggestion to try & get you through the difficult days, that I Know from bitter experience myself how you feel & my heart goes out to you Cariad!
Go for a walk, clean the house, do anything just to try & keep your head busy!
Don"t give up Amy life is far too precious my Angel!
I am not totally "Cured" myself & struggling with the weight I have gained & still in Therapy @ Specialised High-Risk Eating Disorder.
If there is anything @ all I can do please contact me on my E-mail & I"ll ring you if you want me to? Perhaps there is something I can help you with the "Techniques" they taught/teaching me!
You don"t have to suffer in silence Amy, I am just a phone call away!
OA are Brilliant by the way very supportive!
Look after yourself. I hope to hear from you soon Cariad.
I know exactly how you feel. I get this all the time. I put myself in a negative headspace when something goes wrong and everything starts piling up.
I only just have admitted to myself that i have bulimia and recognising the cycles of binging and purging in relation to my moods, I hope every time is the last time.
I hope you feel better soon- everything happens for a reason i suppose!
I know how you feel. I have anorexia and The exact thing happened to me last week. I lost 3 pounds in a week after I Got an email saying that my skills and work history are impressive but they hired someone else. It feels devastating but I try to remember that a job doesn't define me as a person. Try to focus on your good qualities as a person. Continue to apply and don't give up. Bad times don't last forever. For me prayer is very comforting and helps me not feel so alone. I hope these words can give you a little comfort. Take care and seek help.
I am pleased to see your attitude is changing a bit. I try to do this exercise: write down one thing I like about myself daily. I do not focus on any physical attributes. This helps me feel better about myself as a person.i think it also helps to keep a daily journal about anything that has upset you during the day. For me, It helps me see what makes the eating problem worse and helps me see a pattern. I am in no way near recovery but for me the important thing is that I am making changes in my food intake and working towards recovery. Always remember that there are people who are struggling and know EXACTLY how you feel..and i am one them. I know everyone is different but let me know if you try these suggestions and if they help you. Will start including you in my prayers if that is fine with you.
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