A few words of encouragement from anyone

[art62grammie]

I have been in this support group for a few months now. I love it too. I am the woman who is 56 and had been Anorexic for 40 years. I also am recovered. Thanks to 6 years of treatment. Learning to live without it can be a challenge. I am doing it though. I know Christmas is the biggie. The big holiday of the year. I will get through this. I recently divorced. I have a 15- year- old son. He took dad's side through the divorce. I have lost him. He lives an hour from me. He is very busy farming. He has his dream. To farm. Of course, he also is in school. I know the memories of good times during the holidays are wonderful. I have not seen him in over a year. Last Christmas I did not see him. Looks like it will be that way this year too. It hurts. I remember what my doctor said. She said to enjoy the holidays, remember those we love and have a good holiday. I am trying very hard to do just that. I will do my best. I also have a 32-year-old son. He is incarcerated. He has been in 6 years come Jan. 2019. I know he has gone insane by the things he says. Why wouldn't you? Caged like an animal? I remember him too. It will be ok. I recovered from Anorexia just recently after 40 years. I can not go back to that place. Do you have any words to keep me strong through the holidays? I love each one of you. I wish you all a wonderful Christmas. Thank you so much.

[lilybut]

send them both cards and tell them you have recovered they will both be pleased to hear it - you are their mother after all, maybe write them a letter each - for me when I am sad or challenged I stay close to Jesus

[crazycrossstitcher]

What an encouragement to read of your recovery - I am 58 and have had anorexia at various levels for 40 years just as you have. It must be hard not to have contact with your boys - but at least send cards offering contact again - tell them your story and tell them how much you love them - you can offer the hand of love - its then up to them if they take it or not - their choice - but just as with your recovery - don't give up on them - there's always hope.

[art62grammie in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

I know we have lots in common. I want to share with you this thought. I hope you are well with your situation. Happy New Year and to recovery. I still go to treatment every two months. Recovery will always be a daily process. When the old thoughts or voices creep in I fight and tell it to get the hell out of my life. I have armor and tools to fight. I have never been an alcoholic nor substance abuse. I would not even drink water so why would I do that stuff? You know nothing in the mouth. Now I eat and drink as I choose. I am still not an alcoholic or addict to drugs. Not my style. I do drink one drink each night to sleep and enjoy it too. I started that one year ago when going through that long divorce. My therapist said that is fine too. I started smoking 2 years ago. Although I knew I wanted to be a smoker for years. Anorexics fear nothing in the mouth. When I was in second grade I had a cream-colored purse that I took to school. I sat in class and tore papers. I rolled them like cigarettes and pretend to smoke. I begin smoking for a couple of years in my late twenties. Anorexia took that too. I had not smoked for all those years. Two years ago stress of a heavy workload. I would have relapsed to my illness or smoke. My doctors told me smoking is ok. I had to believe her. I look at it like this and my therapist agreed. My three choices are-smoke, go insane into an institution or relapse to Anorexia. I have realized there would never be a relapse. I know that horrible Anorexic life too well. It would be suicide. That is not what I will choose. So my doctors say smoking is far a better choice. Now we both know Anorexics are perfect. We do not smoke, eat or drink anything. Those are all lies. I hate perfection. So Anorexia you go to hell. I look at this. We drive vehicles and the deaths caused by that. I am not afraid to drive so I am not afraid of smoking. It is all lies from within. I like smoking and calms my nerves. So I will smoke. I am not telling you to smoke unless maybe you already do. I am saying Anorexia does not control me and I make my own choices. My doctor said people do things that not good for them all the time. I am human and I am enjoying life. I wanted to share to reassure my past illness who is the boss. Thanks for listening. Love you lots.

[APOR2017]

art62grammie, I am sorry for all the difficult things you are facing. However, I am really proud of you for taking control of your thoughts and recognizing your emotions. I can tell that this holiday season will be a success for you. Stay strong. I believe in you!