I don't know what to do any more

[ConnieLorraine]

I'm losing the will to go on. It just seems like a constant battle, I thought I'd over come my eating problem (never been diagnosed, so could be inaccurate) and for a month maybe I'd eaten properly, like I used too, I enjoyed food again but then recently that has all changed again, I weighed my self for the first time in ages and it reminded me why I didn't eat, why I would throw my food back up. And now, I just can't gain back my self happiness. I don't want to eat but I do! It is just a constant battle and I don't know how much longer I can keep on fighting it! I want to be healthy, I want to be thin, but no matter what exercise I do, the only way I have been close to achieving that is through my problem. I can't see a way out, I can't see how I will ever be happy with my self. I'm not seeking pity or attention, just some help, something to inspire.

Connie, 18 years old x

[susiecoo]

Hi Connie

Just seen your post, sorry to hear you're feeling so down. You say you want to be 'thin', but an ED will make you see fat even when there isn't any. In any case, being thin has nothing to do with being a worthwhile person. I bet you have lots of good qualities which your family and friends appreciate. Have you let anyone in your circle know how you feel? On-line communities can only help so far, but you really need to enlist the support of those around you to help fight an ED. Good luck!

[ConnieLorraine in reply to susiecoo]

Hi there, thank you for the time to help me! My boyfriend is the only one who know's, he helps me but when I'm not with him, i don't eat x

[rrrrabbits]

*hugs* oh you are so young...I have been there thinking it will never end. Can you think of something you can do? Besides thinking to get rid of the eating disorder in a sense that is "all our nothing". What exactly are you finding so hard at this moment? There are three basic components kind of to the disorder I have found for myself: habit, the ED, and myself. Try and notice when it's either you, habit, our the disorder. It is very hard to get out of this disorder, just take it day by day and give yourself props for every step forward.

[ConnieLorraine in reply to rrrrabbits]

Thank you for responding. I want the disorder to go, so I can enjoy life again and not constantly plan my life around what I'm going to eat. I'm finding it hard to find the balance between eating healthy and eating for comfort. When I eat for comfort, I obviously hate myself for it and end up punishing myself for that. After Christmas I feel that I'll be able to over come everything, I think because last year I'd lost weight on the lead up to Christmas whereas this year I am putting weight on, it's just getting a bit stressful in my head. Thank you for your kind words xx

[bohoshan]

Hi Connie

If you're concerned for your health and haven't had a diagnosis before then you really should visit your GP and express your concerns for your health. Eating disorders are life threatening illnesses and must be taken seriously to ensure your safety and good health. Please, go see your GP ASAP. Also, speak to your parents about this. I'm sure they would rather be aware of what you're going through and will want to help you feel better, You need all the support you can get.

I wish you all the best and I hope you get better x