Am i developing an eating disorder?

[Len_withaplen]

I really don't know how yo start this post, but i suppose i should start with this:

I am a 15 year old white girl (how very typical). I believe to be of average weight and height, although after dieting for a while, l began to view myself in a distorted light. Prior to dieting, i hated my body and myself. I was the chubbiest in my class, i payed very little attention to my appearance because of the negative thoughts i struggled with. My entire family decided on dieting together, since we all were overweight. A family friend visited us one day and set us towards the path of dieting. He was very condesending and harsh towards me in particular, as he had not seen me in about two years and i had gained weight and hit puberty during that time. He was disgusted but worst of all, he was horrified. He thought l resembled a woman, not a little girl. His words deeply hurt me but i knew they were true. That's why they hurt. So, ever since then, i decided to change. The 2 of June, 2018, was when my life changed forever. The diet had begun. In the course of a month, i had lost quite a bit of water weight, as you do. I still felt no different. I kept on losing and losing until i "finished" the diet and reached my ideal weight. But that would not be the end. For a while, l was doing quite well. Eating what i wanted and all..until my father saw my plate during breakfast one day. He said, almost panicked: "Isn't that too much? I think you should try and eat less". Which i mean, he wasnt wrong per se but the way he sounded was the worst thing. So i developed intenese fears and rules, founded on the words others said, the way people behaved. I saw my skinny beautiful cousin and got intensly jelous of her. I decided to stand up for two hours after every meal per day. I heard my father that eating slowly will lead to better absorbion of the food, so l decided to eat each meal very slowly. I fasted, i waited 4 hours precisely between lunch and dinner(most times, i very often skipped breakfast or dinner, but lunch was impossible as i ate with my family)

The point is, i have recently moved away from home. These behaviour have admittedly gotten much worse. I ate nothing for dinner, an egg for breakfast and dinner i never finished my plate. I couldnt keep it up, because my mother and sister were getting very annoyed, though my father supported my decisions. At first at least. Now, i eat better. Still not enough but i try to keep within 300-400 kcal at most. But i have apparently lost quite a bit of weight during the time i have been in this new country i currently reside in. I feel lightweighted, my bones wont allow me to feel comfortable whenever i lie down on my side or sit down, my knees hurt and i have been awfully moody. But i do not view myself as skinny, even though l am told otherwise. Perhaps i am dealing with body dismorphia although l am not sure. But there is a part of me that knows something is TERRIBLY wrong and that i need to do something right now to help myself out. But, when i told my mum a piece of the pain l have been experiencing, she claims i am not sick, that i am stressing her and instead of being a helping hand to our immigration, i am only pulling everyone back by causing trouble when there is none. I am completly lost on what i should do. Please, if by any chance you have any advice, help me out. I would love to read your replies.

[Bextherex]

Hi

I am sorry to hear of your daily struggles

You are old enough to go to the doctors yourself and explain all of the above

If you have a friend who can go with you that you trust then take them as it is never an easy visit ( i have been through it)

Admitting you are struggling is the hardest bit and recovery is even harder and will feel like it takes forever- it does 😬

Every day you will battle with food the mirror people and exercise

It does get easier i have battled all my life and I am 34 but in time it will get less demanding on your day xx

All the best and get help you only live once i have got from boney no energy to a curvy size 12 to 14

But now i have the energy to live and food is just food not a tool for self harm👍

Realising you have a problem is the first step

[crazycrossstitcher]

You need to get help and get it now - go to your GP and ask for an eating disorders referral as well as getting them to do blood tests etc and check your weight. At 3-400 cals per day you are not eating sufficient to give your body anywhere near the amount you need just to be alive - without moving about or doing anything - also its likely to be lacking in many of the nutrients your body needs - so please do seek help. A diet is one thing - but you are starving yourself and this can lead to major problems in future - so please do get checked out physically - and ask for a referral to help get your thoughts and feelings sorted out with regard to your body image and attitude to food.

[joanna21]

Hi I am so sorry that you have got to this stage. It is so upsetting to hear how people can make comments that set you on this path. They would feel so sorry if they knew. It would never have been their intention for you to get to this stage. Please please seek help from a DR. I know it is difficult but agree that talking to a friend can help. you need support from your family & friends. You need to try to talk to your mum again . Try to find a time when it is just the 2 of you , maybe go on a slow relaxing walk together, that is when my daughter started off talking to me when she was first diagnosed at 15 . Wishing you all the best, no one deserves to live with an ED. you are worth so much more. With Love xxx