Binge eating and self esteem issues

[mel24]

Hi,

I wanted to see if anyone has gone through a similar thing to me.

I wouldn't say I have an eating disorder but I have definitely lost control of my eating. I go through stages of binge eating, I eat too much and find myself eating in secret so people around me do not see, I'll sneak the food out of the room to eat it or when people have left a room i'll scoff a few more biscuits before they come back in. It's always sugary food, generally chocolate or biscuits. I will always buy share size bags and eat myself, I never by a normal bar of chocolate.

I am constantly starting a diet every Monday and although I have lost about half a stone over the last few months, I've lost control again over the last couple of weeks but want to get back on track before I get back to where I started.

I'm feeling very low in myself at the moment, I struggle to meet new people and have never had a proper relationship, I've been with people that have treated me badly and although I put on a brave face I have low self esteem but I don't think the people around me are aware as I just get on with it. I am naturally a very chatty person so come across very sociable and at work I have to meet new people all the time and that I am fine with but when it is meeting new people in my personal life I get filled with anxiety and will make excuses for it not to happen, I think that's another reason why I don't ever let relationships develop because it brings me a lot of anxiety.

I struggle to be out of my comfort zone so trying new things is hard for me so although I go to the gym (not as regularly as I would like) I cannot bring myself to try new classes as it gives me anxiety. I have been trying to think of ways to bring fitness into my life in ways that are fun and sociable but my friends are not into fitness and are all naturally slim and can eat whatever they like which makes it so much harder for me.

I am 12 stone 2 which I know is not severely overweight but I would like to be 10 stone and I don't know how to make sure that this time I am successful. It's really getting me down because I think my eating, self esteem and relationship issues are all linked and would love to feel completely happy in myself.

I have thought about maybe having some therapy but I wonder whether i'm just being dramatic and just need to motivate myself to sort it all out on my own.

Sorry it's all a bit of a ramble but I would love to speak to anyone that may have been through or are going through a similar thing.

Thanks in advance.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Sounds like you need to get some help - a visit to the GP where you tell them exactly how you feel and what is going on in your life. ABC have useful info on their website and also a helpline you could phone which might help. The symptoms you describe sound to me like an ED - and counselling would help you look at the issues behind your chaotic eating - so do seek some help.

[mel24 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

I'm not sure whether i'm just being dramatic though, yesterday was a bad day and today I do feel better but I have eaten well today which I think has helped my mood. Everyone around me, even the people closest to me wouldn't believe I feel like this, people think i'm confident and sociable and although I can be sociable if it's not people I know and not in a professional environment it brings me anxiety.

Maybe I just need to work on it on my own rather than going to my GP, i don't think they would think I have any problems.

[Ellen-G]

Eating disorders run in my family like any other addiction they can have a genetic component if you want any advice I would be happy to help

[mel24 in reply to Ellen-G]

Funny you should say that, I take after my mum in terms of binge eating, but obviously everything else is just me.

I've never known anyone with an eating disorder so I have no idea if that is what I have and how to overcome it.

I work in an environment where there is always food around but today I managed to resist and feel much better for it but it's only 1 day.

[Ellen-G in reply to mel24]

Did you know a person with anorexia's sibling is twenty times more likely to get it than a normal person.

Well done for today it can be very difficult to not give in to temptation. A temporary solution to cravings is to drink something filling.

[mel24 in reply to Ellen-G]

But again, I wouldn't know whether hers is an eating disorder, I don't think she's ever thought it was although she's been a yo yo dieter all her life.

[windupbird]

Do you know what is triggering your binges?

I found keeping a diary helped me figure out when I was more vulnerable to loosing control - things like being stressed, being bored, procrastinating, coming home, being tired, being hungry, feeling depressed.

It also helped me track how bingeing made me feel, be aware of the deep depression that would kick in after a binge, and see that it was part of a cylce of depression causing bingeing and bingeing causing depression.

Therapy probably would help.

[Icanhelpyou5]

Hi dear Mel. I have gone through similar experiences as you are going through now when I had anorexia/bulimia. It's not easy to have ED but it's definitely possible to get through it. As others have said, the main goal is to find the triggering source of your binge eating.

Most times we like to use food to control ourselves, both physically and mentally either through fasting or binge eating. It is a symptom of self confidence and other mental health issues we are going through as young women. First of all you need to learn how to love yourself and accept yourself the way you are. I know that's probably the corniest thing you have ever heard but at the same time, it's the raw truth. You have to stop comparing yourself to others because the truth is, no matter how much you try to be like them physically or mentally, it's never gonna work for your body or mind because you are not created to be like them. You are you. Beautiful and special just the way you are.

Though it's hard, the key to your problem is serious discipline. Both in your eating and exercise. Try to eat small portions 5-6 times a day and instead of heavy and stressful exercise, just take long walks, jog, or do something you really like. Your goal should not be losing weight because that can easily turn into a fanatic bulimia or anorexia. Your main goal should just be a healthy life both physically and mentally. Only then you can find a balance and peace within yourself.

Remember, you need to be patient and gracious with yourself. This is not an overnight process and it's okay even if you fall sometimes. Nobody's perfect. Just forgive yourself, stand up and try again. You won't fail unless you give up. You can do it girl! We are here for you.

Love, survivor of anorexia/bulimia