I keep relapsing

[Sammy987]

Hi everyone

I need a bit of support to overcome the same hurdle that keeps making me relapse in recovery. Im still underweight and really want to get to a healthy BMI as myself and husband are going through treatment for a baby. Everytime I weigh myself and see no improvement I add a few more calories. Everytime I do though, I exercise more!!!

I'VE not dropped 2 pounds since last week but am frightened that I just can't eat anymore. Im already adding full fat milk and larger snacks/suppers to my meal plan along with the normal 3 meals and snacks per day!!! I'm at a loosing battlet and can't admit to myself that I'm still fearful of gaining weight.

It hurts because I want a baby so much but deep down I question how strong I am as I can't seem to fight this voice in my head.

I compensate to much for the hard work I out into my eating by then going in long walks or running up and down stairs to burn of calories.

If I feel full and bloated I punish myself and the constipation is horrendous and makes me do endless amounts of ecerise.

I get all menu plan organisation used for the week and quite good at sticking to it but it seems a waste of time if im just going to burn of all the caloris again. I really do have a hue fear of rejection once I'm fat

once I finally reach a good weight what if it doesn't stop?

I need some support so badly and tis to help me in my journey to weight gin which I hope won't take up to many more.months of my life!!!!

Sam xx

[Agora1]

Hi Sammy987, you need to reach out for professional help regarding your weight issues. It's not only imperative for your own well being but for the baby you will be carrying. You don't want to put more stress on your body than you already have physically and emotionally. Carrying a baby nine months is very wearing on a healthy body because the baby will take what it needs to survive, from the mother. Only a profession therapist who deals with ED will be able to help you. I wish you the best in fulfilling your dream of starting a family. Good Luck dear.

[Sammy987 in reply to Agora1]

Thanks . I've had several therapists. ones of whom specialise in ED. I am the only one who can do his now. I have the right tools to do it. I get frightened wen I get bloated and bunged up as I fear th food is all still inside me and then I have the urge to burn it all of through ecerise. chllenging certain foods is a pain aswell coz I hate sitting there feeling greedy or thinking about how many a caloriesI have just eaten. I really just Need support on facing the challenges of what will help me to become normal and healtho again, and what I'm doing is actually normal and won't hurt me xxx

[crazycrossstitcher]

understand your fears and suggest you need some support - ABC has a helpline if your GP can't help - I know the temptation re eating = exercise - try cutting down just a few mins per day re exercise and see if this helps - my nurse has said the weight gain will stop and balance - but this is the time you need support to recover

[Sammy987 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thanks so much . I've had lots of help around my ED in the past and underst and I'm 30 now. I should be wise and old enough to make the rigut decisions. I've tried walking smaller distances today. the urge before and after eating to exercise is huge!! It's like you need to work for giving your body smeghing to eat otherwise you will get huge. Il keep going. any other tops for challenging food and exercise will be a great help. xx

[crazycrossstitcher]

I find making sure I have something planned or a meeting with a friend at times of temptation helps - good luck