New here and Need Help for overcoming ED

[anne156]

Hello everyone, i am 15 years old i am 4 ft 11 and 90 pounds (last time i checked) i have had low self esteem for nearly 1 or 2 years now. i walk into school looking down on the floor as i walk past the corridors as i dont want to make eye contact at students or teachers as i feel that stare at my insecurities. none of my teachers know except for my form tutor and two more (not subject teachers) i feel like one of my teachers know, but im not sure. i never eat in school except for the time when i only had just a tuna sandwich in a day and i came to school feeling like i was going to faint and i felt sick so i had dinner desperatly. if i feel like someone gives me a dirty look it ruins my whole day and i feel like everyone is looking at my flaws, when i go to the toilets i never look at the mirrors as i feel low after looking at me. i also compare myself to other people. e.g comparing skinny people to me and on looks as well. its ramadan in 2 days and its when we dont eat until 9/10pm and im really happy and looking forward to it in a way because im going to feel motivated to not eat, however im not looking at the religous aspect of the tradition wich worries me i currently attend cahms but my crounceller hasnt seen me for 6/8 weeks as she cancels it all the time (next appoinment in 2 weeks hopefullu) during this period i had purged myself about 10 times altogether after stopping for months. i feel like i have a point to prove and if im skinner maybe i will stop getting looks and feel happier. if i eat a big meal or 2 i feel like i will get even fatter the next day and i wake up to check my wrists if they have gotten any skinner. i have my gcses very soon and i havent even revised as im too caught up in thinking about my weight than my education please help!

[crazycrossstitcher]

Have you thought of ringing the confidential helplines at ABC or BEAT - they are both extremely supportive and I am sure will offer you a listening ear - they also have advice on their websites (anorexia and bulimia care - and BEAT) which I am sure you will find of use. I know how hard it is when counsellors break appointments - perhaps you need to speak to them about how you feel when this happens and share as much as you can about your thoughts and feelings about yourself and around food - can you sit down and talk to any of the teachers who know about your problem? I do so hope you get the right help quickly - but please do try ABC or Beat.

[anne156 in reply to crazycrossstitcher]

Thanks for ur advice and ur time for replying hope everything is alright with yourself as well