I kind of ... sort of... got in my ow... - SHARE Metastatic ...

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I kind of ... sort of... got in my own way on this MBC journey! 🚘

Hotlantaphatz profile image
40 Replies

Let me explain. I began to forget about my many blessings and my ability to find comfort in this cancer situation. I won't lie, it is hard sometimes. I woke up super early (@4am EST). It was calm, quiet, I felt so alone. I began to cry. No one to talk to because even though friends and family say to call whenever I just don't want to bother them. But then I got over my private little pity party 😭, dried my tears and realized that I was not alone and that it is ok to not be ok all of the time! You guys get me right?

❣️I have friends and family who care and love me!

❣️I have a medical team (including a therapist) who have gotten to know me personally over the years and who are invested in my treatments!

❣️I have new treatments that are suitable for my type of cancer --appears to be very promising!

❣️I have this wonderful forum as a safe place to share!

❣️I have my faith!

I will allow myself to feel, emote, lol, cry, and just be my corny, crazy self that I love!

Remain strong ladies! But, allow ourselves a bit of GRACE! XXX

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Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz
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40 Replies
Adele_Julia profile image
Adele_Julia

My sweet sister in Christ. I can relate to your post. Know that many of us have those days, or nights , or wee hours of the morning … you are loved !

Pbsoup profile image
Pbsoup

yup! This sums it up. Xoxo

Claireperth profile image
Claireperth

A friend told me to allow 60 seconds for the tears and then to move onto another subject! After holding back for a year with MBC I did have a long nightly sob just last week after sitting in a beautiful, natural environment on a country break! It's like Ying and Yang but we just have to do our best!

Nocillo profile image
Nocillo

Crying is fine and then you keep putting one foot in front of the other…

jersey-jazz profile image
jersey-jazz in reply toNocillo

My mother had a quote for all situations. This one is one that I often follow. It is so useful. The old adage instructs us, "Leg over leg and the dog got to Dover.".

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply tojersey-jazz

I think I understand! 😊

Garden-Lady profile image
Garden-Lady

Dear Sister, I feel with you across the Atlantic. Sending strength, love and hugs xxx

NShaft profile image
NShaft

Exactly! Well said, thank you.

love2golfwell profile image
love2golfwell

Beautifully said. It is not easy to always be strong in our situation but hopefully we have more good days than bad ones. It is good to step back and think about the things we have to be thankful for. I know I need to do that more often, too. Thank you for sharing. Sending you hugs and prayers.

Kruza profile image
Kruza

You have said it beautifully my warrior friend. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

Lakincaid profile image
Lakincaid

Thanks for sharing ❤️

Bettybuckets profile image
Bettybuckets

let it out! Sounds like you have a handle on the food the bad and the ugly. What drug are you on? 4am is too early… maybe you could take a melatonin when that happens or a tiny nibble of an Ativan. And go back to sleep til 9am. Bet that would help too!

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply toBettybuckets

Hi Betty! I am now on Xeloda. So far the side affects at mild. But insomnia is a pain. When I feel strong I walk a bit and that helps and my onc did prescribe a low dose Ativan . Thanks!

Bettybuckets profile image
Bettybuckets in reply toHotlantaphatz

the pharmacist called to review cape side effects with me. She said that insomnia is not that common. Have you had it long snd bern on the drug long?

fancydog profile image
fancydog

Well, you are human after as these are all normal reactions. I'm having a bit more trouble dealing with this Holiday season than usual and had a long crying, blubbering good time the other day. It took me a day to recover all the electrolytes I cried out then the next day I could find those blessings in my life, and that I could still be a blessing to others just in different ways than previously. I am a Christian and know the Lord is by my side in this MBC experience.😇

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply tofancydog

Yes Fancydog… this season can give you the blues if you are not focused on the true meaning. I am away from my family this year but we are going to talk and zoom together. Making lemonade out of lemons! Well I hope you feel better after your good cry! Merry Christmas! Enjoy!

kokopelli2017 profile image
kokopelli2017 in reply tofancydog

how wonderful to feel like a blessing to others and not a burden. I admire that. I struggle with this myself (I have severe mobility issues) but you made me stop to think. thank you. carole XO

Shafight profile image
Shafight

good thoughts. It’s such a roller coaster that we’re on. We have to be thankful for what we have

mariootsi profile image
mariootsi

Well said! Love and hugs,Marianne. I know we all can relate.

Aquadog profile image
Aquadog

Aw, hon, don't ever be anything than your corny, crazy self! Your posts are so honest even when you're struggling, but they always end so hopeful. It's brilliant that you allowed yourself to cry and scream then you took that deep breath and made your beautiful list. And hey - we're just one line item - look at how many more are there!

We're all here for you (and each other) and yes - we get you!

Sending warmest hugs and loving prayers

Susan

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply toAquadog

Thanks for the hugs… I needed that!

RLN-overcomer profile image
RLN-overcomer

Sister/Warrior/,and yessss Over-comer 😇Our FATHER/GOD knows we will have challenging days in our lives.During challenging times, as you have done ,I start to list many of the blessings I have been given😀.People will say things like it could be better, but they need to understand things could also be much worse .May GOD bless you with health,and his peace, Amen! 😇The Spirit of the season is upon us

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply toRLN-overcomer

God bless you sister!!!! 💗

BritSammy profile image
BritSammy

thank you for sharing , we can all definitely relate. Sometimes when I feel well I forget I have an incurable illness and then it hits you and you feel down. What we go through can only truly be known by us who are going through it. Our faith will get us through the darkness. Sending love and hugs from the UK my sister 🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾

susiemarmite profile image
susiemarmite

hi darling. I agree. I feel the same way on so many levels. New drugs are coming down the line too. And according to a medic I see who has access to all the feeds from all the research bodies etc, she confirms this more than my oncologist does. Let’s hang on in there ladies xxx

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply tosusiemarmite

hanging on!!!!!!!!

SeattleMom profile image
SeattleMom

Great words to live by!! Thank you for describing how I felt this morning. You lifted me up!! 💗💗🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply toSeattleMom

oh I am so happy to hear that my words helped. We are strong!

mudakurag profile image
mudakurag

Been there!! Thanks for the reminder of good things.Merry Christmas and/ or Happy Holidays

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply tomudakurag

Merry Christmas 🎄

Liessie profile image
Liessie

I totally understand how you feel , I do appreciate how lucky I am to have a great family , and friends , and meds that keep me stable , but every now and again I feel a sense of despair and I too have my own pity party , I do have a few drinks , but that makes me more emotional, but I still drink them lol, I have a good cry and get it all out , a day later after a hangover I am back to normal, and crack on with my lucky everyday life , I say to myself , why did I do that 😊but I just can’t help it , I am a bit barmy , but normally in a good way, I am so looking forward to Xmas but might have shandy’s ,😊I will be okay , I have had my pity party 😂😂 Have a lovely Xmas and a very happy 2023 , sending hugs 🤗

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply toLiessie

you made me chuckle! Needed that! I am reserving my glass of red wine 🍷 to have with our holiday meal. And yes you will be ok. Cry, laugh out loud, cuss and fuss . It’s ok

Liessie profile image
Liessie

aww thankyou , I have got my tipple for Christmas Day , my family encourage me to have a drink , they say , enjoy life is for living , I don’t tell them about my pity parties , they are not invited 😂😂😂😂

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply toLiessie

Hahahahaha! Yes they are not invited. Sorry not sorry!

Liessie profile image
Liessie in reply toHotlantaphatz

lol , I don’t have all of the mess to tidy up when I have my own pity party 😂😂😂

kokopelli2017 profile image
kokopelli2017

I love your posts. you really have a way of connecting with your words and thoughts. sending hugs💛

happy Christmas to you💫

Hotlantaphatz profile image
Hotlantaphatz in reply tokokopelli2017

from the ❤️! Merry Christmas

OneLump22 profile image
OneLump22

XxxxxX

Dancing profile image
Dancing

when I heard my diagnosis in February 2022 I was more in shock. What ????how did that happen ?????I keep all my appointments n yearly tests. I think I was more angry that someone missed something n for 2 years i was complaining of the pain I had in that breast but no one seemed concerned n I trusted my cancer team n then we moved to NC n the mammo tech was torturing me with all the pics she was trying to get that one pic to show my cancer. So I didn’t cry I was mad n angry n then the oncologist didn’t help me when he said hi n I was terminal. What to do. Do I give up or fight. My mom had rectal cancer n didn’t tell any of us till it was too late. I talked her into fighting to not give up diagnosed in December 2004 n she had aggressive radiation and chemo n never lost a hair from her head she was beautiful never left house without hair done or make up n she loved her hi heels. Never saw her in sneakers. She passed away in April 2005 after finishing 7 weeks of chemo n radiation but she couldn’t fight anymore. So after hooking up with this site n reading quite a few Bios I knew there was hope. So thank you to all of you my fellow warriors. Many blessings to you all

Staceyness profile image
Staceyness

I love this post. When my progression happened just yesterday the song “Count Your Blessings” popped into my mind. I’m like Really God? It took awhile but then this morning, I realized the same things as you and we do have reasons to be thankful. Sending you a virtual hug and thanks for the encouragement.

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