CT scan looked very good and so did labs. I am so stressed I was not sure how to react to the news. Thinking wow how long is that going to last. Not easy staying in the moment with this MBC. My onc was very pleased. If she is pleased then I am good. I am feeling depressed lately. Not sure if it is part of the treatments and I don’t sleep well. I force myself to wake up because I am having very vivid dreams. Needing more therapy. Monthly not enough time for the way I am feeling. I cry at the drop of a hat. Crying now! Just requested short term disability from my job. I may not have a position when I return to work. I will save that drama and worry for another day. First time I have really been able to share my truth. I appreciate this group. I read your posts. You guys keep me sane! Stay strong!
MBC— Day by day, test by test, treatm... - SHARE Metastatic ...
MBC— Day by day, test by test, treatment by treatment. Today is a gray day!
Hi Hotlanta, I can so relate. I felt the same way for all last year. Overwhelmed, hopeless, and on the verge of crying at every moment (plus having a hard time doing my job - tried to power through which in hindsight was not a good idea, so I applaud you for stepping back from work). What helped was first my prognosis became more hopeful, then I found a really good therapist with experience with MBC patients. I found her through a referral from the social worker at my cancer center, and have been seeing her weekly - it has made a huge difference. More recently I’ve been starting to explore affirmations and visualization, as I have realized that I need to make an intentional effort to take care of my mental health through all this. The idea that “I’ll just power through and ignore my vulnerabilities” didn’t work so well….
I can imagine that when you have so much tension, dread and grief inside it’s hard to celebrate the results of your scan. But it’s really great news! Maybe you could do something celebratory even if it’s small, to encourage yourself and create a visual signal of this hopeful step on your journey. Buy yourself a beautiful bunch of flowers, write a celebratory message on your mirror, or ask a friend to help you celebrate over tea… whatever it may be! Sending you strength 💜🙏🏼
I agree with. I think therapy is going to pull me out of this hole. Thank you for sharing
I have been at this 4 years and am now going through one of these cycles My therapist was not that good but still feel I need the therapy. I think the worst is that not be able to take walks because it’s cold out. That was one of my go to therapies which helped cleared my head. I still work From home 3 days and go in 1 day a week. I struggle with the same issues of reality,denial, fatigue etc. Really looking forward to spring.
I am so sorry. This is so hard. You will find your way through. Find the support you need. You deserve it.
Dear hotlantaphatz, please take a pause and praise yourself for how well your doing and how far you have come already. This is an ever changing journey that is both tiring and trying. We all understand the anxiety and the mental preparation we go through before and after tests, scans and consultations. There are constant adjustments to be made and it is very hard to find stability. I too felt strangely unsettled by recent good scan and blood results….it took a few days to sink in and somehow was an anticlimax. But the most important thing is that it was positive news and things are going well. The only certainty we have is to expect uncertainty, and that’s probably why we prepare ourselves for the worst all the time. Take a deep breath, your doing great, celebrate the NOW….worry about the future as it happens. Easier said than done…but please know that you are not alone in the way you feel and that it’s all perfectly understandable.
Congratulations! Best wishes
Love Zoe xx
Discocat thank you for the amazing feedback! I am so happy you get it! Holding on!
I'm with you - was diagnosed on Feb 9. I'm still in shock but starting to function more ... I don't know what to say as I'm not far from diagnosis myself - I spend many days in denial and some days in mild panic but first few weeks were the worst ... remember this is treatable - that's what I keep telling myself ... we can do this. x
Great advice… WE can do this! Stay strong!
Hi Susie, I spent the first 10 months reeling with shock, terror and grief. Being recently diagnosed is a really challenging time. Eventually you’ll find your equilibrium but until then I hope you’ll make extra efforts to find support, comfort and compassion, and be forgiving of whatever reactions and feelings you may have 💜🙏🏼☀️
Thank you LDR1, appreciated xxx
Susiemarmite- I was diagnosed in January 2022. I started out as a nervous anxiety driven wreck. I’m learning more and feeling ok. I have hope that the meds works. But I think for all of us there is always a bit of uncertainty- but then again it’s like that for everyone. I say the same .. it’s treatable🤞
I do understand. My first year was worst as I felt controlled by treatment tests and medication cycles. Then I decided it was my life and I was going to tell them it had to fit in ! I feel much better now. Good luck. Hope you've got done friends to be with to make you feel brighter! X
Haven't had any stressful moments yet, but I get your feelings about the treatments. I've so far only cried twice through all this. Once was at the start, Social Services denied my food stamps request. Bawled a little bit, then remembered the local food bank, went there & signed up. More recently, started getting less of my Walmart medical coverage due to insurance changes & more out of pocket expence because couldn't go back to work full time or even 32 hrs. (still part time). YouTube has been my smiles & laughter (you should try Irving's Zoo. The guy's hilarious). Guess what I'm trying to say is hang in there! You're beautiful & we don't want to lose you!
I love your demonstration of true strength
Hi Hotlantaphatz - I am sorry that you are having a rough time. I try not to think beyond the day and have been fortunate to get good news every visit since being diagnosed 15 mos. ago. Easier said then done but your scans and labs seem to show that things are stable and hopefully moving in a positive direction so try to focus on that and celebrate any good news. I had 8 years in remission after my first BC treatment and now after only 15 mos w/MBC my latest scans show that there is no evidence of disease! I hope it doesn’t pop up again for a good long while but will celebrate every day of receiving this gift of extra time. I would also suggest talking to your Dr about maybe getting something to help deal with the emotional rollercoaster (can be caused by the meds) that may help you stay on an even keel. I’ll be praying for you and hope things stabilize enough for you to enjoy each day. 🙏🏻 Lin
Thank you so much for saying this is a day to day life now. It helps to put things in perspective.
Hotlantaphatz - congrats on your scans! Truly a reason to celebrate. Enjoy the victory
makes the heart happy to read the optimal news. celebrate it & you!
Hotatlantaphatz- rejoice in your positive scans. You and your medical team are doing something right. No one really knows what the future holds, but we know that we don't know. I was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in Jan 2021.
Oh I know just how you feel. Give yourself grace. It’s like we are grieving. And grief is a shape shifter and sneaks up on us when we least expect it. I’m two years into this journey and like you I will feel strong and just like that it hits me (ha it autocorrected to say guts me but that’s right too). I have started thinking about the what ifs next scan instead of living in the moment. Let’s breathe deep and give ourselves the grace and kindness we deserve. I’m with you in so many ways. We all feel like this at some point then we wake up and it’s a beautiful day . I am also on antidepressants (for a long time prior to this diagnosis ) and thank God for those. Hope this helps and please take care.
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