still thrIVin'

[hurricaneheather]

i read more than i share, and limit the share, until this post. i had intention to share sooner. life happens, which is why i live in the moment, to the best of my ability.

on 1 Nov, i had PET/CT scan and received the results... stable/NEAD... "no definite PET/CT evidence of interval recurrent or metastatic FDG avid neoplastic disease." this is fIVe continuous years with this news; six years with a metastatic label. K and i celebrated the optimal news with a meal and libation; he was thrilled for me, as he knows how diligently i approach this dis-ease.

i did not anticipate that one week later, 'my human' of 18 years, would transition; "May he come to eternal rest from samsara and reach nirvana." we were on opposite coasts as of 3 Nov. we said good night to each other via phone on 7 Nov, and the gut wrenching call on the morning of 8 Nov. K's transition has affected me differently than mom's 27 months ago and dad's 6 months ago.

while devastated, it is imperative that i continue with self care and treatment protocol, in order for this body to remain stable/NEAD. i own it, enerGy is limited, and it is 'easy' to not care for myself during times of grief. note to self: i must continue to learn to adjust to a new life without the physical presence of 'my' loved one(s).

[Ardie1970]

I am so sorry...sending you hugs and lots of prayers.

[hurricaneheather in reply to Ardie1970]

thank you. receiving the hugs and prayers.

[SabaAK]

I was thinking of you the other day. 7 months ago when my mom got her diagnose I used to read your posts over and over and it helped me a lot to manage my anxiety as it was giving me so much hope. I’m so so so sorry that you lost your loved one((((( and I wish you strength to go through this hard time in your life🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

[hurricaneheather in reply to SabaAK]

i appreciate the comment that 'my' posts helped you to manage 'your' anxiety and provide hope. thank you for wishing me strength as i go through the grief of K's transition and heal.

[LibraryGeek]

Hi Heather, I am so sorry. I truly believe your loved ones are still with you and will be looking out for you. Wishing you strength and sending you hugs.Jackie x

[hurricaneheather in reply to LibraryGeek]

i, too, am sorry. and, i believe his spirit remains within this heart and nearby. thank you for wishing me strength. receiving the hugs.

[Rubyjude]

Oh my goodness, what an awful rollercoaster within one week. As someone else has said, we mbc-ers expect to go before our loved ones, and indeed to have their support as we progress on our mbc journey" (how I hate that word!). I hope you manage to find some peace in the knowledge that your loved one knew of your recent good scan results and that that gives you strength to manage the coming days and weeks. Sending virtual hugs. Judy

[hurricaneheather in reply to Rubyjude]

what a ride that week was! it does bring some peace that he and i celebrated the scan results, as well as spent much time together before he needed to travel. receiving the virtual hugs.

[Justme153]

So sorry for your loss! Sending hugs and prayers🙏

[hurricaneheather in reply to Justme153]

i am too. receiving the hugs and prayers.

[love2golfwell]

Heather, I am so very sorry for all of the losses you have experienced in so short a time. That is a lot to deal with on top of MBC. My wish for you is that your faith and determination will strengthen you to continue your fight to remain NEAD and that the spirits of your loved ones will be with you and help you in your journey. Sending you hugs and prayers.

[hurricaneheather in reply to love2golfwell]

the transition of three humans i love so very much in 26 months has presented the heart with much grief; there is much joy in the memories with them, also. thank you for the wish. i know mom, dad, and K are with me as i continue to focus on my health and well being. receiving the hugs and prayers.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[hurricaneheather in reply to Hidden]

thank you. i am, too.

[hdhonda]

My heart hurts for you. It is so difficult to lose someone that is an important part of your life. May you be surrounded by comfort, love and understanding. Hugs and blessings, Hannah

[hurricaneheather in reply to hdhonda]

this heart hurts, still. there is gratitude for the experiences and memories. i am fortunate to be surrounded by comfort, love, and understanding. receiving the hugs and blessings.

[mariootsi]

Oh, I am so sorry. My prayers to you as you manage your loss. Sending hugs too

[BluHydrangea]

So very sorry for your loss. You have been through lots of grief but one thing this disease teaches us is live fir the moment. So happy you had your celebration before k’s passing. Peace to you.❤️

[hurricaneheather in reply to BluHydrangea]

thank you. i concur, this dis-ease has reminded me of the importance of living in the moment; though some days it harder to do. i, too, am happy that K and i celebrate the scan news. receiving the peace.

[Hazelgreen]

Hi Heather,

It is good to focus on your physical health as much as you need to do so. Fortunately, it sounds like you are doing very well on that account. Congratulations on being NEAD!

As a clinical psychologist, I hope you also give yourself permission to go through the stages of grief. After a relationship of 18 years, your sense of loss may at times be overwhelming. Please be very gentle with yourself, and also reach out to others to share your feelings. Emotional health is as important as physical health.

Thinking of you,

Cindy

[hurricaneheather in reply to Hazelgreen]

thank you for the acknowledgment of NEAD. i am allowing myself the time to grieve. mom's transition hit hard and took me time to accept as well as work through. with dad and K's transition being 5 months a part, it's concurrent grief. i am only beginning to feel the loss of K's presence. i concur, emotional health is just as important as physical health; i've said that to all the doctors. appreciate you thinking of me.

[NPmary]

I am so sorry for your loss. 🌹

[hurricaneheather in reply to NPmary]

thank you. i am, too.

[mudakurag]

I am so sorry.

[hurricaneheather in reply to mudakurag]

thank you.

[hurricaneheather]

it has been heart wrenching. and, another reminder that life is uncertain. receiving the big virtual hug.