Nothing new and big with cancer or in my life, but everything just piled up and not feeling my usual resilient self! I was getting ready for an appt with the allergist this morning and my daughter called to tell me that her mother in law had just had a stroke and was taken by ambulance to the ER less than an hour before, waiting for more info. Mother in law L had weak pulse, low BP, and was not responsive when she got to the ER. In a totally different part of the country. With all the current restrictions plus covid19 risks, daughter and her husband unsure about whether to go there. I feel so badly for them. I was able to drive to my appt and when I got there, turns out appt was supposed to be in a different office about 40 miles away! When I'd gotten the reminder phone call, I'd specifically asked about location for this appt, naming the local office building where I expected to see the doctor and the scheduler affirmed that as the location. I'm not really feeling any need to see the allergist right now as my eczema is really clearing up and I think we've narrowed down which of my many current meds I'm reacting to. My brain feels worn down, multi-tasking is much harder than usual and I'm having trouble keeping our check book balanced. I have to write our appts on a white board right by our back door each week to keep track of those. It just all adds up some days and makes me want to go hide under the covers! I'm not sure whether to cry or scream, I'm likly to feel much better tomorrow. At least I usually do........
Bad Day!!: Nothing new and big with... - SHARE Metastatic ...
Bad Day!!
Sending hugs to you. Remember tomorrow will be a better day 💖
Thanks !!
Life now is so challenging without MBC.... we are all feeling a little overwhelmed and scattered. Our treatments may also contribute to brain fog, then add in family health crisis and it is all too much. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and do something nice for yourself.... long bath, walk outside in nature... whatever works for recharging you....sending a virtual and socially distant HUG!❤️❤️❤️
I hope by now (7pm in Oregon) you are tucked under those covers and comfy. I just wanted to share something about multi-tasking. Since being basically quarantined the last 3 months I find I have pretty much lost most of my multi-tasking abilities, and having more than 1 or 2 "scheduled" activities in a day feels like too much. I'm not tired physically but seem to get tired just thinking about too many things to do. I love your white board idea, nothing wrong with that. And maybe it's a good thing that you realized you don't really need to see the allergist. Are there other things you can eliminate that might open up space in your life? Just dealing with cancer takes up so much psychic space...we are never doing "nothing", really.
I hope the morning brings a better day for you. A good night's sleep usually works wonders for me too.
Patty
"Just dealing with cancer takes up so much psychic space...we are never doing "nothing", really. " MacroMom, This line helped me so much and hope it helps PJB in MI too. In my 70 plus years I have weathered many stormy days but these are the most challenging with the grief I am feeling over so much loss and instability in adult child/grandchildren lives, finances, Covid, and the toll cancer is taking on my ability to cope with resilience, which I have always been able to maintain before. I still can touch Beauty in nature, and some moments that Peace that passes understanding, and moments of respite with my dear husband, but the isolation and cancer, covid and cruelty in this present political arena, hurts.. I do not seem to be able to wrap my mind around what needs to be done as I have always done before.. Time to let go since I can't anyway and just take those steps that I can.. A friend brought me flowers today and left them on the porch.. and my husband and I had ice-cream and fresh strawberries on the porch tonight.. Moments of respite from the worry. Calmed my amygdala.. Helped. So did your words, since I feel as I am not getting anything done so often... thank you. We go on together
What a lovely reply Mary. It sounds like you already have your priorities straight...flowers and ice cream! Yes, "letting go" is an important lesson and a hard one for us resilient organizers. I'm 65 with kids and grandkids too.
Here's another quote I have on my bathroom mirror and in my head:
No amount of worry changes the future.
No amount of regret changes the past.
Any amount of gratitude changes the present.
I find it especially helpful when waiting for test results!
I'm happy to be going on together with you. Enjoy that porch!
Patty
MacroMom
Just looked through old posts.
Three months later and your words resonated strongly:
Yes, "letting go" is an important lesson and a hard one for us resilient organizers."
Resilient organizers is the best term I have heard and a role I have fulfilled during a long life.. "Letting go" is the new practice and am getting better at it.
Will be using "Resilient organizer" about myself and with other women who also have carried that role/pattern and are now rightfully and healthfully doing less ..
Thanks again
I would love your term "resilient organizer" if I fit that description! lol I am typically not organized but when I need to be organized, like about keeping track of finances, and now bc stuff, I tend to go overboard and become what my husband calls the finance Nazi! lol (Not towards him, but towards the every tiny thing about bills, bank statement, checkbook register etc) Our closets, my car and other places around me display my disorganization!
That is too funny. I am good at organizing others, and getting projects done, but wish I had some more of your stick-to-it ness around finances and keeping records..
I think we can give ourselves a break, and appreciate our attempts. We have been dealing with a lot. If we obsess or go a bit overboard in one area needing organization while neglecting another: Well then with our energy and brain working levels, we are doing well..
So in that sense we are resilient organizers.. in my case, especially when organizing my husband !!!
And now it’s 11 pm in Oregon so you definitely should be asleep! Don’t feel bad. My example: I talked to my daughter-in-law the other day and she mentioned a book that I could order to read with my granddaughter. Before we got off the phone I asked her the name again to make sure. 15 minutes after getting off the phone I had to text her to ask. If I don’t write it down, it’s gone! I remember the general details but the specifics seem to go in one ear and out the other. I don’t know if this makes you feel better, but we all seem to have periods of this I think! Hugs, Elaine
Hi Elaine,
I get forgetful too at times. I don't know if it's because of the treatment, or I just have a lot going on. But my husband will say something and then a few minutes later I have forgotten what he has said. He thinks I am not listening to what he has to say (well maybe....) but sometimes it just goes right out of my head.
Sophie
Hi,
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about all that has just happened. I hope your daughter's mother-in-law recovers from the stroke. You must be feeling so stressed and anxious as you worry about her health. But if it was caught in time she should hopefully recover, or perhaps not be as seriously affected.
You must have been annoyed to learn about the mix-up about your appointment, especially as you had specifically asked where it would be held. Hopefully you will not have to wait long for an alternative appointment to come through.
I think we can all relate to multi-tasking. I don't know about you, but I will often start one task, and then try to do something else too. But when I look back I have not been able to complete the tasks I had started! I do better with single tasks at a time, and I hear you about the whiteboard. I have one too and often have to make lists to help organise and prioritise what needs to be done. But I have always been that way. I just seem busier now that cancer has been thrown into the mix along with everything else that is going on in my life!
Hopefully when you wake up today things will seem a little clearer and there will be a positive update about your daughter's mother-in-law. By now, she should hopefully be in a stable, comfortable position in hospital.
Sophie
I feel you. I am embarrasingly forgetful. I moved recently and can't even believe that I packed and mostly impact everything. Moving during covid-19 with scary put on top of it nobody could help me pack because everybody was too scared to pass something on to me and I understand. I was originally supposed to move in April but waited until May 1st. I think with everything that's going on in the world it's just been very hard mentally and physically. In my mind I'm still like 40 years old and can do everything by myself. I get scared of what's going to happen to me when I can't take care of myself. But one day at a time. I hope you get to feeling better.
I’m sorry everything is going wrong today for you. I think we all have those kinds of day if that helps at all. You are going through so much with MBC so it’s ok to be frustrated. I find a good scream can be refreshing and then maybe throwing a pillow. That sometimes helps and is at least a little bit of fun 😉. Seriously though, you scream or cry or whatever you need to do. ❤️
I can so relate to your experience. Forgetting, have to write everything down. Having Cancer is a big job. Appointments, meds, and the emotional roller coastal between scans! Last week I had so much fatigue and only wanted to sleep. Thought for sure, my quality of life had taken a blow. Couldn't do anything. Then I woke up one morning and felt fine again. Got up and did some baking. Took a picnic lunch to the beach with my husband. Finally went and got a haircut and finished up at the grocery store. Over did it but it was so nice.
So good days will come. Don't worry. You are finding ways to cope.
Cheers, June S.
I know. All this gets overwhelming some days. I wish you a better day tomorrow.
Sending hugs & prayers your way. Some days the chaos is overwhelming. 🤯
Sending you lots of hugs. Blessings, Hannah
Thank you all for your comforting notes! I really appreciate them! I do feel better today. I've been sleeping long hours at night lately, over 9 occasionally as long as twelve hours. I think that is from cancer/meds. One thing I have done when I am stressed is to write poetry and to sing loudly, songs that I make up for the moment. I can't sing worth a darn so I only do that when nobody is around to hear me, lol. No news yet this morning about daughter's mother-in-law. Her kids are hoping she will pass peacefully. She's well into her eighties, has some dementia, is an alcoholic though nobody in their family ever admits that, and can be quite difficult to be around. She would not handle more physical disability well. She still lives alone though her two daughters both live in the same condo complex. They are all people of faith and the daughters have been telling her "if you see Dad, go be with him." Dad died several years ago. He adored my daughter! My eczema is so much better that missing the allergist appt is really no big deal. For me, anyway. We got a new dog about two months ago, and she is a great lap dog! She's mostly chihuahua but something else too as the shape of her head isn't typical chihuahua and she's way too big to be all chihuahua, 13 pounds. She's a hoot. She has found every dog toy that our beloved dachshunds amassed, and she hauls them all to the laundry room and puts them on the rug in front of the back door. Not sure where that habit comes from but it's a hoot and we really get a kick outta it. I'd have a harder time without good pets! lol We have cats and dogs. All rescues. Oh, I think I may need to have cataract surgery sometime soon. We've (eye doc and I) have been watching my cataracts progress for a few years and now my right eye vision is significantly worse! I have to carry a magnifying glass in the grocery store if I'm going to be looking for anything "new" to us or when packaging is changed alot. Thanks again! Having a community of metsters to complain to sure helps make this whole cancer journey more tolerable!
It sounds like youre feeling a bit better now. Sometimes just pouring it all out helps doesnt it. Ive seen your other update too on your daughters mother in law which doesnt sound too great, so sorry about that.
Our little fur babies do cheer us up dont they.
You take care. Josie x
Good to hear you are feeling better. Hugs Marlene
I would go back to bed and hide until tomorrow!!! It will be better. And don't buy any lottery tickets!
Sending positive thoughts and hugs
I glad to know your feeling better, hugs coming your way!
Glad you had a better day. Your dog sounds amazing.
I think most people are getting forgetful now, especially with our new normal - even my friends and colleagues are saying the same, so it’s not just us.
Keep enjoying life
Clare x
I hope by now you are feeling more optimistic and happy. I know happiness is elusive when we are all carrying such a big burden but we all still have a chance of living a long life so I stay focused on that. Eczema can be diet related. You might be allergic to some food you love. For me - I think it was oatmeal and milk. Take care and stay hopeful. Hugs Marlene
Need some moral support please
Neutrophils update.
Another setback
