I had been stuck in my tiny Brooklyn, NY apt. since March 16th and that was only to pick up my meds. I was getting extremely depressed and was getting to or really at the point that my fear level of leaving my apt. was getting extreme.
I do not have a balcony even and all I was doing was watching the news and getting more and more overwhelmed by the reality of what is going on. But still, I was watching it on TV. My apt. walls seem to shrink every day. So far, 3,000 people in NYC deaths. Yesterday was NY's deadliest day with 562 people dying in ONE day. (Just in NY City region) not the whole state.
Today, the Gov. announced that now every hour a person is dying in NY. I just turned the tv to another channel. I cannot continue to listen to this bc it just brings you to a bad place. We had 6,000 people tested that also have the virus, JUST IN ONE DAY.
My onco had called me at home to reassure me that she had sent a rx to my pharmacy so not to worry about that going forward. She also explained that Maimonides Cancer Center has been turned into a hospital. They had taken patients from Maimonides Hospital WHO DO NOT have the virus and set up a hospital in the Cancer Center to move as many as they could from the hospital bc now the hospital is primarily just all virus patients. Many of the staff from the Cancer Center were all sent to the hospital to work there. Even my onco just called me from her home.
I had to get milk. I had no choice. And I was terrified. I thought I was pretty strong. It is hard for me bc we don't have too many stores around me. Taking a bus is not even an option anymore.
I put my gloves on and put a mask on (my friend who left me food had left me three masks). I realized I had to do this.
I had a severe panic attack as I was trying to walk to the store (which is about a 10-15 minute walk. First, I was having severe trouble breathing through that mask (as the b. cancer is in my lungs). So I had to pull it down to my chin but the minute I saw another person walking towards me I pulled it back up.
It was so so strange. First, there were people out (very few), but as I was walking you see someone else on the street walking towards you (also with masks on their face) and people stepping away from the sidewalk onto the street so that we don't pass each other closely. It was upsetting to actually be out there as opposed to me just watching it on TV.
Even the large Kosher supermarket had a line of religious Jewish people down the block as they were only letting a few people in the store at one time. It felt surreal.
Rather than wait for that long line of people there was ONE small tiny convenient store owned by an Indian man that the Jewish people never go to since he does not have any Kosher products. I went in and he had a large plastic cover surrounding him and I had gloves on as I also had NO cash at all in the apt. so I had to get to an ATM which he had in his store.
Coming home I stopped on Ocean Parkway (where goes all the way to Coney Island) just to sit on a bench even though it was raining. I just sat there with my 1/2 gallon of milk. In Brooklyn Ocean Parkway has benches that go all the way down to Coney Island.
It felt so so good to breathe fresh air but it was also upsetting to see people avoiding each other and everybody walking around with masks. I just sat there for almost 1/2 hour and I needed that for my mental health. On one hand, I thought OMG...how long will we have to live like this, avoiding each other. I saw the very few stores around my area had signs that they were closed for the foreseeable future (starting to hate that word).
I came home and felt 100% mentally better. I needed that. I needed to get over my fear which was bordering on irrational.
I eventually came back to my apt. since the rain was getting heavier. But mentally I felt so so much better.
My friend who is caring for her mother in Staten Island has not been out of the house since March 1st. She is now teaching students from her home as all schools are closed. A family member goes to the store for her and leaves the items outside her door. She said that she washes everything before she even puts them away.
She asked me "how is it out there?" And I told her. Although it felt weird, people were walking their dogs and such, but it was an odd feeling to have people walking so far apart and if you seen someone coming, it was like okay, which one of us is going to go into the street so that we don't even have to pass each other.
I am glad I did it and I told my friend, you have to go out. The longer you stay in, the worst the fear gets. I said even if you just sit on your steps when your mother is napping.
I am getting scared of what happens when I no longer have food. My friend who has two kids cannot keep doing this for me and driving from Staten Island to Brooklyn bc she has kids. I am glad she did it for me once. I just don't know how I am going to buy food going forward.
I will be spending Easter alone. I don't even see people in my building anymore. They have our doormen area also surround by a large heavy-duty plastic cover.
It is depressing to think that this is going to be our "new normal." At least most of my friends have a husband, kids or live with other family members so at least they have someone to physically talk to.
But I have a roof over my head, access to water and for now food in my apt. so I have it better than most for now.
But one day, we will wake up and hear the news that they found a medication and it appears to be working and we will have a sense of HOPE again. It will happen. Don't know how long and things we took for granted, we will now appreciate so much more. It quickly shapes what is important in life and what is really not. This is something that a fb friend sent me. It hits home that this is NOT just the US, but the world and all you can do is pray.
I hope you can see the attached video url I am providing. It would be easier if this was a facebook group, so I think if you have a facebook account, you will be able to see it.
Stay strong. (you should be able to see if it you have facebook, I just tried it in an email to myself and if you click on the link, it will came up. It shows us how the entire world looks now.
Thanks for updating us. What a strange and eerie scene you describe! But I'm so glad you were able to go out and feel better. That's great advice!
I left my house yesterday after about a week. Phone the garden center, ordered/paid for a bag of potting soil, and pulled up, popped my trunk so someone could toss it in, no contact. The nice young fellow working there was sort of smiling, approaching my driver's side window, and I was frantically waving him off like he had a plague...I felt so bad!
I plan to leave the bag in my trunk for 3 days since apparently that's how long the virus lives on plastic...
I hope you have another good day today, and someone on this site recommended watching/listening to/reading the news only one hour per day....I think that's also good advice!
Thanks for sharing the powerful video, makes you sad BUT hopeful at the same time....
I’ve been reading your posts, I’m glad you went out yesterday. Although surreal, it would seem to be our “new” normal for a while. Although different it does feel good to get outside for a bit. We have a dog so it’s a must. I usually try to take the less travelled areas to walk but we do meet our neighbours who also have dogs but keep our distance.
I’m from Ontario Canada so not too far away from you. I live outside of Toronto, another big city with people living very close to each other. Choose your time wisely to go out for a short walk so that there will be less people outside. But definitely get out.
We are here for you....your voice is being heard even if you don’t always hear from us ....🥰❤️
I am so glad that you overcame your fear and went out. The 1/2 hour you spent sitting in the park seems to have done you a lot of good. The convenience store where you bought the milk probably has some groceries and food that you can buy when the supplies your friend kindly delivered to you run out. What’s important is that you have gone out once, you have overcome your fear, you have HOPE and I’m sure you will be able to go out again. Keep the faith🙏
That is the sad thing. It is a tiny convenience store and has NO FOOD, just beer, milk, some candy bars, sells Lotto tickets and a few items such as laundry detergent. I never understood how he even made any money bc he is across the street from the Kosher supermarket so NOBODY really goes into his store bc this is a predominately Jewish neighborhood although I am Catholic. He does not sell bread or cold cuts or make heroes, nothing like that. But he did have milk.
I have tried to order food (even if I have to wait for a month), but online services such as Peapod and other online places are booked for a month in advance and even state, they will probably not have 1/2 the stuff you try to order. I would be fine with that, but they are so booked they are not even showing any more dates that you can at least place an order.
Many stores that were opened say a week ago are now closed down. Buses have stopped in my area. Even the Walgreen's which is still a bus stop away is closed down. I am scared bc I do not know where I can go for food. Any place I google is closed.
I have thought what would I do if I started feeling symptoms. I realize now what would be the point of myself calling an ambulance bc with my medical issues, I expect not to come out. Would I be able to stay alone by myself and not suffer too much. Most of those passing away are dying alone. People cannot even have funerals for their loved ones nor can they be with them when they pass.
I have four masks. My friend in FL who I called yesterday was crying. Finally, several other states, including FL, are now in shutdown mode. She has no masks. I told her you can use anything, a scarf, a piece of clothing.
She said even if and when things get better, she does not know if she will ever feel safe again. I assume that most of us will feel the same way.
Since I have no access to public transportation and would need to walk far, I am calling places first to even make sure they are open. I am shocked by how many places are closed.
I have my verzenio and for now that is all I can do. My cancer center may not be open again for quite some time so no injections or CT scans.
It feels like the end of the world when you walk on the streets and see so very few people. There are not many people left on MY floor of the high-rise. Many of them had home aides (the elderly) and since they stopped coming, their families came and took them out.
I am glad I got out bc my fear was getting more and more intensified. I am now again going to start searching for places, even take out food, that is delivering to my area. And now that I have money in the house, I will be tipping them extremely well, bc if you are doing that job during these times, it is because they are desperate so I would tip them very well.
NY has put laws in place that NOBODY can be evicted for lack of non-payment of rent and mortgage companies are giving people a three month window for lack of payment.
Some people have no money at all and bc of the sheer number of people that applied, the system crashed and no UE has even started yet leaving many people (with children) with no money at all.
One very very nice story yesterday was about a man in Brooklyn, NY who owns several small apt. buildings and has about 200 tenants.
He put a sign in each of his buildings that he is WAIVING April rent for them bc he wants to make sure that they have money to buy food or medicine. He is NOT going to make them repay back that month's rent. In NY, that does not happen anymore. For 200 people he will take the loss. It makes you feel a little better.
That small Indian store did have an ATM cash machine though and is the ONLY place that does in this area and I needed to have some cash in the house.
All all our parks, beaches, museums, libraries are closed. I talk to my friends, but not the same thing. I am going to try today to see if I can finally learn how to set up facebook time on my pc so that I can at least see my friends but I am not good with stuff like that but it will keep me busy.
I am fuming thought at JP Morgan Chase Bank. While other banks are waiving the ATM fee if you do not use one of their ATMs to take money out, NOT Chase. I could only take out $200 at a time, so I used it twice and Chase charged me $2.00 for each transaction. They are NOT one of the banks participating.
It made me so angry, I have sent emails to anyone in the higher levels who work for Chase and that people will remember that Chase took advantage during this time to increase their wallet while other banks are realizing people cannot get to their banks so are taking money out from whatever ATM they see and they are not charging them a fee for doing so.
We have "breaking news" like every 1/2 hour. I immediately turn off the TV. There is so much you can hear. I don't want to hear how many people died last night.
Now we are being told NOT TO EVEN leave our homes, but what us people like me who need some items. I thank God that just before it hit NY, I got a large order from peapod so I have toilet paper. And I am so so thankful for that.
Macy's in NYC on 34th street is an institution. It has been reported that Macy's may have to shut down for good.
Many people are now being laid off. They were promised they would continue to be paid but the companies cannot afford it so now the layoffs are starting via email and conference calls.
I joke that I have had to turn myself into a split personality to have some company, but the problem is that neither of us like each other
We are assured that pharmacies will stay open and that mail order meds (I get my verzenio mailed to me) will not stop so that is a relief. My onco sent a rx for my pain meds (without even seeing me so that they are lessening some restrictions on controlled substances. The pharmacy (small pharmacy, one only person allowed in at a time) said they would allow me to pick it up five days earlier.
I will try and complete a project every day. Today, I will finally put away my winter clothes and take out my spring/summer clothes. Trying to keep myself busy.
Gosh I’m sorry to hear that the convenience store nearest you does not sell food! Your situation seems near desperate and I hope that restrictions in NY ease up soon as I am sure you are not the only one in this situation. Please continue to keep in touch and tell us your story as it will keep us connected. I too am Catholic and watch online Mass everyday. If you are feeling lonely, check this prayer out. It helps me a lot. surrenderprayer.weebly.com
I did have a major anxiety attack when I first went out and almost came right back but forced myself. Unfortunately, now they are telling us NOT to go out at all at least for a few days so you kind of feel like you are breaking the rules and that I am being selfish if I do go out.
I feel for those who have babies and young children bc basic stuff like diapers are even hard to get. Will be attending mass via TV.
Wow! What a video! I could watch it, but I have facebook so I'm not sure if those without facebook can see it; someone let me know please as now I'm curious! Your post is really touching and creates a picture of what it's actually like living in NYC right now. You are a strong woman and don't forget to assume the wonder woman pose, hands on hips, feet apart, cape flying in the wind ... that's YOU! You can do this and remember, it is more blessed to give than receive, so if your friend wants to drop off groceries, let her. It gets her out of the house and God will bless her for it, right? Such a contrast to what's going on in my city, with people complaining about neighbors having a bbq in their backyard and too many people and they asking if they should call 911, and being so stupid I don't even comment to drop myself to that level. so all in all, life here hasn't changed other than they closed the beach, but left the seawall open. then you travel 10 miles down the island and THAT beach has remained open, with their vacation rentals still allowed; whereas on the main part of the island, I heard city marshalls were knocking on doors of vacation rentals to make sure no one was staying there as it's illegal now to have a temporary rental. On another note, can you get a wee dog? if you get a teacup, then you can just put newspaper down on the days when you can't walk her. I love my hubby but most of my loving comes from my two heaven sent little angel dogs .<grin>. You are greatly loved on here by many people, rooting for you and praying for you! If you need to see a face, you can always facetime me as I have an iphone. not exactly sure how it works but my brotherinlaw called us once like that, so I know it DOES work ... if it's free on both ends I do not know, but we were never charged on our end at least. I will pm you my number and we can talk, pray, laugh ... I love New Yorkers because that is where my family on my dad's side was from originally. I still have two cousins near there, one in Jersey and one in Carmel. God bless you and heal us all in Jesus name, amen! oh, also, my church is LIVE and online at 11:00 a.m. central time if you would care to join us. Anyone is welcome and the preacher is really good, pastor trey dowdy. I think it would be 10:00 a.m. your time, right? Love you sister! you're inspirational and bring to life the scripture, "when I am weak, HE is strong"! <3 xo facebook.com/ChurchoftheLiv...
Yes someone replied that they were able to see the video even thought they do not have a facebook account. My building does not allow dogs and quite frankly, I worry about getting food for myself let alone a pet right now.
Today for the very first time, it was announced that a TIGER at the Bronx Zoo (one of the best zoos in the country and I love it there) that the TIGER has tested positive for the virus. This is news bc so far it was believed no animals could catch the virus.
The tiger was coughing so they had to put him out (sedate him, I mean) and they tested it for the virus and the Tiger has it. So that is something new. It is the first reported case of an animal having the virus.
yes, usually animals to humans and vice versa does not happen. did that happen with the swine flu too? I can't remember ... so sad about the tiger; I heard they are slaughtering all the animals in china and I am so glad we don't live in such a horrible and heartless place ...
can you still order on walmart.com and they ship, or amazon? I hope my questions don't make things worse, I'm thinking "talking" is good ...
All those delivery places for groceries, peapod and amazon and such are booked for like a full month already. They said to try and order from restaurants to keep them in business but nearly all the restaurants near me are closed permanently until this situation is over so there is no where to even order food from unless you can pick it up which I can't since I have no car and no license
That is the scary part. Not knowing where I can go for food. I found a pizzeria open today that would deliver to my building so I ordered two large pies and sent one down to the porter guys (they are young) and they were so so happy. So I am on the good list. I told them a gift for Easter.
I saved one pie for myself, had it for lunch today, will have it for dinner tonight and again for lunch tomorrow.
Now, in Brooklyn, they are saying do not even leave your home for the next few days due to the apex they expect which quite frankly I am not even sure what they mean. But the point is some of us have to leave our homes to get some items that we need.
I am glad I dont have children to worry about. I mean the UE has not even started coming in yet for those who do not worry. I am blessed to get SSDI which is not affected.
Thank God for pizza delivery! I've always heard Brooklyn pizza is the best, as a matter of fact, I think it's Domino's that has the Brooklyn deep dish pizza. I could live on pizza; why does all the satisfying food have to be so fattening? It's great to be in good graces with the porters, they will NEVER forget free pizza for Easter
I'm sitting here coughing my head off, and I know it's allergies but with everything going on it's still scary, I don't want to be coughing! can't allergies turn into upper respiratory infections if you're not careful? If I recall correctly, you are really knowledgeable with medical info. I have no fever and it IS a productive cough so that makes me feel better that it doesn't fit the symptoms of the virus. When I wake up in the morning, it's all clear, it just comes on later in the day, no coughing at night during sleep or anything.
I have to go out weekly for groceries too. we don't have an extra freezer and my fridge's freezer compartment isn't that big. If worse comes to worse, I did buy 4 gallons of pork and beans and 4 tins of keebler crackers. that would be miserable to have to live on that but hey, we wouldn't starve. I'd probably overeat with the crackers and still gain weight lol. I try so hard to stay under 200, that's my waterloo.
When I went to the grocery store with my face mask on today, I had a bit of an anxiety attack. I felt like I couldn't breathe and at the same time it made me feel claustrophobic. I was hoping I wouldn't hyperventilate and pass out! I got in and out, no problem. I found out today that I hate wearing a mask, but thankful that I have one and I WILL wear it.
Well, that's about all I can think of now; glad you bought the doormen pizza, they won't soon forget that! so sweet of you!
We have social security, so we are not financially affected either, and we always stayed home anyway so nothing has really changed for us except the world is upside down and I feel it. I'm very much an empath, which I sure don't want to be right now. God bless you and heal us all in Jesus name, amen <3
Well, the point is there is no where to buy this stuff. Even Coscos which is large a super large warehouse where you can buy super large amounts of one item has closed bc too many of their staff tested positive and you think OMG....
If I drove, I could drive around to find a place but I don't. But for now, I can make do with what I have so I have to stop worrying about a month from now and just deal day by day.
First, the video was amazing. Second, I am proud of you for getting out and I could picture you sitting in the rain on that bench and it brought tears to my eyes. What you describe on the street is happening here but we aren’t NYC so picturing your streets empty is chilling. The sun is finally shining here today so I’m going to my deck to spend the day even if I have to wrap up in blankets. Hang in there !! The day will come when we can all feel safe to go out again. It may be a month or more but the more people that obey social distancing themselves quicker it will be.
In my province, Nova Scotia, our Premier (governor) has been giving daily press conferences letting us know the numbers of cases and so forth. He has been getting angry with people that have been going to closed parks and gathering in groups. The other day he was angry and said “Stay The Blazes Home”. He would never swear on tv. A local business has made tshirts with this new slogan and are selling them with profits going to our food bank. There is some good coming from this plus we are all gaining respect for our Premier who was not well liked.
in reply to
Like 1/3 of our police force have tested positive so they have to self-quarantine. Thank God for the other states in the US that have volunteered to come here and relieve the medical personnel that been working non-stop. They need a break. If we start losing them, we are in deep trouble but other medical personnel are coming in droves from other states to help give them a break.
I saw a doctor on TV the other day break down in tears bc he said he is having a hard time seeing people die every day. Even the reporter who was obviously interviewing from his own home (the reporter) has tears running down his face bc you see what they are going through and they are human.
Oh Anne Marie I am so glad you got out of your apartment! I was getting very concerned about you. I was praying for you multiple times/day. Please keep up the positive thoughts & getting out as often as you can! God will take care of you as you put your trust in Him. ❤️🙏❤️
Well, we are all putting our trust in God and praying but that is not enough right now. All faiths are praying. This is holy week but for whatever reason, God sometimes cannot stop what is happening, or rather he can, but is not. So prayer is that it does not last as long as they are saying it mean.
Once this is finally over, then we have a deep recession with many people without jobs and the likelihood that they will not have jobs. So you pray, but you do not expect to wake up and hear that it is gone.
Thank you for sharing this. I love your updates. I am so so glad you got out for a little bit--fresh air is critical. I saw on the news that New York says new infections are declining? There IS hope. xox
No, the apex is expected this week and Gov. Cuomo says NY Is not prepared. It was told this would come in waves. Many of us have the virus but have not yet showed symptoms. So right now, we are at the height of it and many will due bc the Gov. said we are not prepared so by keeping us quarantined, they are avoiding too many people getting sick at once otherwise people would just be dying in their homes.
And then once it seems to lower a bit, then it will be like a tsunami where it appears to be lowering like when the ocean pulls all the way back ONLY to return again even larger and do more damage.
Which is why self-quaranting is so so important right now. I assume (as he told us to do) that I may have the virus but because of self-quarantine, I have no obvious symptoms.
I'm glad we have Gov. Cuomo as our Governor because he fighting like hell with the govt. begging for more ventilators. When people are dying ONLY bc we do not have enough equipment that is unacceptable.
He said the apex will the largest of people to die primarily because we are down to 135 ventilators and close to several thousand will come down with the symptoms in the next 3 to 14 days and he said we are not ready for it and many will die, more than even so what we have witnessed.
You pray, but not even sure what you are praying for. I pray to God to shorten the amount of time this virus will continue to take people. That is about all I can pray for now.
TOTALLY agree re the importance of self-quarantining. You are lucky to have a smart governor. We have one too. The mind boggles at states like Florida that waited SO LONG to lock down. I saw a meme that said having only some states on lockdown is like having a peeing section in the swimming pool. Crass but accurate.
We just heard of former colleagues of my husband's who are quite ill in NY. Scary times. Glad that you are able to stay at home.
My good friend in FL was furious with their governor. She said he is not closing down the beaches. Some areas on their own closed the beaches but she said he is not doing enough. NOW, there is a total shut down in FL. My friend is a mess and she has no idea how bad NY is (she used to live here). She said she doesn't think she will ever feel safe again outside. I think for a while we will all feel like that.
But then even when this is over, the economic toll it is going to take, probably thousands will be laid off. It affects every aspect of one's life. It is not over once this virus is done with itself, then comes the financial downfall of places and businesses that cannot survive.
Even Walgreens and CVS that are semi-near me if I take a bus are closed permanently for now so that gets scary. Luckily I get my meds (verzenio) mailed to me and my other small family pharmacy said they will NOT be shut.
It just felt odd seeing everybody in masks and crossing into the street so you do not pass one another. But even though it was raining I sat on the bench and just listened to my music. It would not be so bad if I had a large home or even a back yard or a frot porch.
I've been thinking about how varied our experiences with this isolation are depending on where we live. Being in a heavily populated place has got to be different than where I live out in the country in a rural area. No public transportation, two local grocery stores, one drug store, two primary care doctors........ One of the local churches still has its basketball hoops up and kids are gathering there to play....where are their parents and why are they allowing this! And why hasn't the church taken them down? One of my grown step daughters is in panic mode when she calls! She's lived here her whole life, has alot of friends, is very extroverted and staying away from people she knows and loves is a huge strain for her plus her ex lives just around he corner and isn' doing anyhyting different than usual and she worries about their daughter when she's with him. Her sister, who I love dearly, lives in a mid western city and is a therapist and organized her co workers to demand that they set limits and see clients only using iPhones and computer screens. I'm really proud of her for the way she handled that situation. My daughter is a Middle School teacher who really loves kids that ages and just learned that one of her former, long ago, students has died. No funeral soon. She and her husband are on the same page about how to self distance, or whatever the best term for this is, and that's a plus. My husband and I are on the same page, too. He's ordered a haircut kit so he doesn't have to wait weeks for a hair cut.......I get a kick outta that! He's pretty bald and a haircut ought to take us about 3 minutes to do until we figure out what we are doing, and then it'll take longer to get the clippers out and plugged in than to use them! I like to joke and tell him that while we are very different in our outlooks on life, we agree on what's trully important--pets and what temp to have our bedroom at night! Many and cool! lol We'd be in an impasse over those if we didn't agree, that's for sure!
People in NY are not even able to have funerals for their loved ones. We will be watching Easter Mass at St. Patrick's on TV. Even one of the priest said it was so odd to be doing Palm Sunday to an empty church. St. Patrick's is a glorious church but we will watch it on TV.
I watched Moses (the 10 commandments) the other night and then after that I watched Road to Perdition, with Tom Hanks and Paul Newman, which was an Irish gangster mob movie. From heaven to hell.
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New York getting worse
