How did it go? I made the decision to tell my team (on our Zoom call today) and am a little stunned by the radio silence. A close colleague reached out after, but I haven’t heard from anyone else yet. Telling people is a very vulnerable process .. not such a fan at times, but I do want the support. Venting a bit here... thanks for listening and I’d love to learn from your wisdom.
Thanks!!
Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Perhaps the radio silence is just shock and your team needs a bit of time to process. Hopefully the colleague that reached out was a better experience. You are right about the vulnerability involved in all of this process, it is really a feeling I don't care for at all! I work in a small firm - around 25 people and was able to tell the owner and CFO together in person, they thought I was going to give my notice! I told them I didn't care if they told our colleagues but I was not planning on making a broad announcement. I told a few folks individually because I wanted them to hear it from me. Some folks approached me others still have not mentioned it - it's been 9 months. People react to this news in so many different ways. Hang in there.
Always a bit disappointing when people, especially family, friends and work colleagues don't show much reaction or support during things like this.
I was diagnosed just over two years ago and am still amazed and hurt by the lack of support and even contact from some people.
I try to tell myself that life is busy for everyone and that they're not doing it intentionally to hurt me but it still hurts.
It is such a major, stressful, worrying thing to go through and even though it does get easier to worry less, it is still always there, for me anyway, especially with all the ongoing physical issues we can be left with that are a constant reminder.
So many people think that once you make it through treatment you are okay. I've had to work hard on telling myself I'm still here, be grateful, it could be worse etc etc. There are good days and bad days, a bit like an emotional roller coaster that's hard to get off.
Sorry if this post is a bit depressing but it can help to vent. Lack of sleep doesn't help either 😏
Good luck with your journey. Some of it isn't as bad as we think it might be.
Try to keep smiling, be kind to yourself and maybe be a bit selfish (do things you enjoy!) to help you through. And it's helpful to talk to others going through this.
Take Care.
I think people don't know how to react. My boss had been in the know since the suspicious mammogram. I struggled with telling my peers. My first step was lumpectomy which kept me out of work for a while so I asked her to tell them then. I did tell my direct reports over zoom like you. I saved it for the end of the meeting so I could quickly move on. Like you, radio silence. I think thats ok. I don't think its because they don't care, they just don't know how to show it.
As time has worn on, I’m finding out that some of my coworkers were respecting my privacy, and weren’t sure how much they should reach out. That’s reassuring. I guess sometimes you have to ask for what you need or clearly communicate it’s okay for people to ask, etc.
Hello,
My two bosses knew from the beginning because I wanted to be as transparent as possible. In my mind I thought they might know since I never take off work but as we all know when you are first diagnosed your medical calendar gets crazy so I felt the need to tell them.
I also told my immediate team of 6. They knew about each appointment. They were very supportive and prayed for me and hoped that it wouldn’t be cancer. Then they gave me advice about the mastectomy. They took me out the week before my surgery and again did a circle of prayer for me. I felt so blessed and loved! I will never forget them for that.
While all of this was going on I wasn’t sure in the beginning if I was going to get a mastectomy or a lumpectomy. I was so scared to get a mastectomy, so scared and I broke down in my bosses office. She hugged me and told me everything was going to be ok. Luckily, one of my bosses had a mastectomy and one of my coworkers had had a lumpectomy so they shared their stories with me.
Some of my coworkers came to see me at the hospital while I was recovering and through my chemo. They send me baskets, flowers. So yes I felt loved and taken care of.
I was able to hide my cancer to the outside world even after my mastectomy. I was back at work in a little over a month. It was the chemo, once I lost my long my hair that I got the ‘look’ from others at work. And honestly I did not care. Cancer has a way of prioritizing what you care about. All of a sudden a new pain arises, a new discomfort, a new worry (do I look good in my wig? 🤦🏻♀️)
Cancer is scary. It’s the big C. No one wants to be in cancer land. Your co-workers I’m sure are concern but how do they show it? How does one show concern over zoom and keeps it professional? Just remember that you are loved and that this is temporary. You will get through this❤️❤️
What a beautiful experience. I have some supportive colleagues. I’m just REALLY struggling with this stressful job on top of cancer. I can’t afford to quit and I don’t think job searching will be any less stressful. Darn pandemic! It’s hard to live/work alone. Ugh.
Sometimes it just takes them a while to wrap it around in their heads. My co workers were amazing. I am a nurse myself, and that may have made a difference too. Good luck. You can do this!
BRCA diagnosis questions
How Did I get My Breast Cancer?
Aromatase inhibitors five years or more
Lumpectomy 
