My Girlfriend Lied To Me About Herpes For Years, What Do I Do? (She Has it & I Dont)

[michaelw73]

My girlfriend that I have been dating on and off for 3 years has herpes and never told me. I found out by finding a picture of her prescription on her laptop. She says she had been meaning to tell me and just have a chance to. I relationship started pretty tricky. We dated for about 5 months having consistent sex with condoms but weren't in an official relationship. During that whole time she never mentioned it of course. We talked about getting tested, she said she did and that she was clean. When we stopped dating, I started dating someone else for a few months not knowing about the risk I could potentially be putting my new partner in but luckily I never contracted the infection anyway. Being in love with my ex still, I ended up seeing her a few times while with my new girlfriend right before ending that relationship and starting a fresh with my ex again. We started having sex again and both got tested, still no mention of the infection. Due to visa issues, she left out of the country for 7 months where we continued to have an official relationship even though it was long distance. Something I’ve never done before. While she was gone we talked about having unprotected sex and about her getting on birth control, something she seemed really excited about as I did too. When she finally came back we were both happy, in love, having lots of sex (with condoms), and enjoying each others company. She had already picked up the birth control but hadn't started taking it yet (she says she was going to tell me before going unprotected). But before we got the opportunity to get there, I ended up finding out she had herpes by finding her prescription. After lying about knowing when she got it etc , she eventually told the truth that she had it when we first met. Which makes me question if she was ever going to tell me in the first place, especially after how long we were dating. She never asked me to get checked or anything, but says she thought it was okay since we didn't have sex during outbreaks and always used protection. This is what her doctor told her but I guess she didn't know anything about asymptotic shedding. This of course didn't sit right with me but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and continued dating her TRYING to make things work. but naturally things got really shaky. I started treating her a little differently and showing less affection not because I didn't love her but because of being so hurt over the deceit and needing time to think things over. She is a girl who's never been disloyal to me and has always been fairly honest. Not always but most often. I know she's a good woman but is this something that can be forgiven? We are currently separated because the effect this had on me caused me to constantly want to ask about it and I guess in the process I brought her down and made her feel low which I didn't intend to do.. even though I was trying my hardest to make it work. Eventually this lead to me allowing flirtatious activity from other women and I a slight detachment from the relationship began. I never once did anything more than have conversation, but just the fact that I was doing things like this weren't normal and when she found out of course she was upset. Now I'm in a position where she wants me to earn her back because of the wrongs I've done, that I admit to. & I still love her, but is this something that's even fair or worth trying to fix it after all I’ve endured as well? What do you think..

[Delzek]

Everyone has "Herpes" ok so not everyone's herpes has become active but we are born with it according to a DR I know! I was made to feel about two inches tall after getting continual cold sores I went to the DR and asked what it was and if she could help get rid of them! She then Laughed and told me it's "Oral Herpes" I couldn't believe it as I have always been careful and said it in a rather panicked way, again She laughed at me then told me everyone has it but it is normally dormant and only becomes active when a person is run down or stressed, I had always believed it was a sexually transmitted disease?! I am not sure if it's the same as herpes of the sexual type ? But again apparently both are easily treated I have been told by a ex girlfriend who was a nurse that it's as common as thrush? But again I don't know factually although both persons who educated me on herpes and thrush I still trust to an extent!

Good luck try not to be too harsh with her ,as not everyone knows that it's not necessarily sexually transmitted she may have been told the same as me and thought there was nothing to tell !