Lost

[kazy09]

7 months after my partners cardiac arrest and we are no further forward.we use to both work an enjoyed life. Now I can’t see him going back to work an I gave up work to care for him. An that’s what I am now a unpaid carer. He won’t go out much we are stuck at home an I can’t cope. I’m a young 57 yr old lady who loves life an now I’m lost. We were suppose to go an see his daughter to day an now he’s asleep in bed an I’m having to tip toe around. I can’t go out as it causes argument an he says I don’t care about him. He just sleeps all day

[KEN65]

I am a CA survivor and it does shake your confidence to the core, mine was March 16 and never felt the same as before the CA, the meds have a lot to do with how you feel and tiredness as I well know, if his heart was not damaged as you would with a heart attack then maybe he can talk to his doc on his meds and the Pharmacist who was brill in explaining to me on what they can recommend to help, I am currently weaning of two meds and its very hard with good day and not so good day but I will keep it going to my 5th week to feel better, already noticed my head is clearer but the road is long and you have to keep going to try and get back to before, that is my goal. Everyone's situation is different but I remember the surgeon stating that my heart was good as he explained, imagine a car with fuel having problems with the engine, whereas you run out of fuel and your engine stopped with no major problems, so the meds I have been taking that initial helped are now a precaution hence I can reduce them and stop. I wish him well as it can be a dark place but you have to be strong and fight for what you have lost as I am doing. best of luck.

[kazy09 in reply to KEN65]

Thank you for yr reply. I am really trying to do the best for both of us. I’m sure we will get through it some how x

[Karenpr]

I am so sorry to hear this. I know exactly how you feel being an "unpaid carer". you need to sit down and give him a good talking to, tell him his life is not over and that staying in bed and in the house will not lengthen his life (he is obviously scared the cardiac arrest is going to happen again and he could be depressed and needs to see a doctor). Tell him you love him but life goes on and its time to get up and out. If that doesn't get him moving then you need to be cruel to be kind, go out even if it's just for a quick coffee with a friend when he's sleeping.

My husband had a cardiac arrest in July and has problems walking and managing stairs following the arrest so can't get out the house without me and I've just come back from a week in Spain without him (I needed the break).

[kazy09 in reply to Karenpr]

Hello Karen thank you so much for replying to me. It’s so nice to here from another lady who’s sadly going through it. I would love a holiday anywhere but sadly all our money has gone. Even my wedding money.i hope you are ok an I would love to stay in contact with you . I’m here if you need a chat

From karon x

[Karenpr]

Hang in there, get out the house and don't be "guilted" into things. He's seriously scared and maybe depressed. Try and talk to him about it, D and I have chatted and yelled (probably not a good idea) we both realise things have changed and there is a long way to go but we are working it out.

[kazy09 in reply to Karenpr]

Oh bless you, we also have screamed at each other, I’m going to arrange a day with math my sister on Saturday

[Neldine]

Don't let him manipulate you into being a servant/prisoner. My husband lost his lower right leg at work 3 years ago, and not by bit, in spite of my own severe health issues, he's guilted me into exactly that. It's an awful existence. As for cardiac issues, my brother had a pretty active life even at 20% cardiac function. His last day he went for a leisurely hike with his girlfriend. Sure miss him.

[kazy09 in reply to Neldine]

Thank you so much for replying to me. Life is a little better I put my foot down but still treading on eggshells. He sadly lost his mum and has started smoking again. Iv tried telling him how bad it is for him but I don’t think he will stop now. There is nothing intimate with us anymore. I suppose that is the medication x

[Neldine]

Mine and I don't anymore either. Feels more housemates,but I do all the heavy lifting. Oddly, after my brother passed, his girlfriend said he went out of his way to please her in spite of his problems. Think it's part of our punishment, in their eyes. Personally, menopause hasn't been my pal, so outside of missing a kiss and a hug now and then...

Sorry you're in such a position. It's an impossible one, especially when there's no money to move away with, plus good old loyalty and guilt. Need to vent I will listen. Don't forget yourself.

[Markl60]

Here is my story/journey for what its worth

heartattackandthenhs.wordpr...

[Markl60]

You could also print this off and give it him to read

fitness.mercola.com/sites/f...

[Daveyboy77]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know how upsetting these things can be. Try and do things together like slow walks the more your partner gets out the more he will be more active . Try not to too hard on him he's gone though a really bad experience so he's anger is not directly aimed at you he's probably just scared.

Talk to him get him to open up about how he really feels hopefully in time things will get better for your partner and you. I hope you feel better soon .

If you need to just talk keep in touch.

Keep well