Found out something..

I was thinking about something...(surprise!) Did you ever hear of "Learned Response"

When my kids were little, they used to practice walking. I never reacted to their

fall, not a word, not a sound, they just got back up and started walking again. As

they got older, they fell over on bikes, they had helmets, arm pads,wrist guards,

knee pads just like roller derby skaters do..that knocked off about 90% of serious

accidents and it also kept them from getting some nasty scars..When my kids fell

off of their bikes and they were stunned, I ran up to them and high five them for

making it 50 feet, I cheered for them even though they were hurting a little...My kids

didn't cry, they got back up on the bike to show me that they could do it again and I cheered

One day my friends husband said "Why don't your kids cry when they fall>" He had

watched my toddler fall...to him, it was incredible..for he thought that I wasn't acting

appropriately but I was..so I stopped him for reaching to my toddler to pick her up to

comfort her..I told him my secret...I told him that if I pick up my toddler and give sympathy,

make a big deal of it, they would learn to cry and put on a show...As he watched and

then his wife was in the living room, she did the same thing - Emily was just walking for

her first week, she fell down a lot..Pam wanted to reach and comfort Emily but Paul

stopped her..Emily fell, Emily got back up..she kept coming to me for hugs and kisses..

I reacted hugely to those and she would laugh and smile...I would too..I told my friends

that I read about this and knew to do this..Pain wasn't even perceived as such a big deal..

When they played in sports the coaches would tell me that my kids were tough and

they were never complainers..they saw other kids quit the game for a tiny bump...mine

didn't..When I was a kid, I got hurt walking, riding a bike or whatever, My mom and dad

would pick me up, hug and kiss me, get me ice, lots of extra loving and attention...I

learned that even if I didn't hurt myself that badly, the attention and hugs were paradise..

My mother would also pick me up, give me a huge glass of water so I would be busy

drinking it and wouldn't whale in her ear or wake the world up..I made an association....

Oh could I start the waterworks..tears meant that I wouldn't even get in trouble if I was

doing something that mama and daddy would punish me for..I faked hurt to avoid punishment...I think that you guys know where I am going with this...As an adult I

remember being pampered and put to bed, I didn't have to do chores, I could veg out all

day long..i was playing hooky and I played it very well...(This is my story only) I learned that.

As an adult, my behavior carried over..If I didn't feel good or I didn't want to do something,

I magically 'didn't feel good" The guilt that I had eventually did catch up to me..karma bit

me in the head, I did get a headache..felt lousy for lying, my stomach was sickly..I played

the game so well, that even I believed it..(tis true) I really did feel exhausted, sickly..tired..

and people in my household did give me a break from whatever I didn't want to do..not any-

one doubted me..except my perceptive daughter Emily..I had jury duty ..in America if you

are called to do it, you will serve in the courtroom on time or you better be under the knife

in the hospital on your death bed...there is no way out...and I went...and I went to my Dr. appts, I went to church, I went to meetings because I absolutely had to..No way out...

Emily asked me "Mom, are you really sick" and I said yes Emily, not like the flu, but my

body hurts, my head hurts, I feel like I have the flu 24/7...and then she said "OH" so I

inquired further..Why? I asked her...She said "Are you going to go see Grandma tonight,

she asked if you wanted to come over for supper and since you have to eat." I told her that

I was too tired, I didn't sleep well, my body was achy and my medicine made me sick ..she

walked away from me...I knew that she was seriously upset with me, she wanted for us

to go visit grandmas because she knows how much I love it when I get there - I laugh a

lot, we play games, it's just an all around good time...so I sat down to tell her how she

didn't understand that I had to work, I have medical issues, my body hurts...so she said...

"I suppose you will be going to bed.." and I said No..I was going to take Elmer for a run

outside...Busted...she looked at me and said, "I thought you felt like crap mom" and I felt

the sting of embarrassment, She caught me lying ...but I didn't feel good...I was doing it for

Elmer, he needs to run...he needs outdoor time..WE have a large fenced in back yard...I

was caught making up excuses. I used my medical issues to get out of doing something that

I didn't feel like doing at the time...She told me that she sees me do this quite often...and

she's right...I have been hanging out in my room for too long...or I hide in the office at home.

I hope that my story inspires everyone to be aware that this can happen to people with illness - it can be used to gain some much desired "alone time" and can be a cop out...

I am not saying that anyone on here ever does this...but I do, have and am now aware of it.

I can't change the past but I can stop and ask myself if this will be my reality...will I keep

depending on the disease so I don't have to participate in life's unpleasant activities? Is it

my crutch to hold onto this? Is my disease my own behaviors? I'd say so....XX Karen

[BobM]

Hi Yikes

Its true that strong mental strength will assist you (us or anyone) overcome pain, its a variation of PMA, Positive Mental Attitude, "I can and I will" type thinking.

It wont of course cure any actual physical problems however it make a massive difference in the way you handle your issues.

Thanks for your post Yikes it was good reading

Bob

[cicek]

Thanks Yikes. That was very thought provoking!

[landman]

Bingo! You are right on. I learned a long time it is my attitude that inspires me to live on no matter what. I also believe pain is weakness leaving my body. When I am in pain I attack the pain. This morning I do not feel up and to par. But after 30 minutes of exercise my mind knows to "Get over it!" Thank you for sharing your story. Happy Thanksgiving to.

[Hidden]

You have said that before Landman...so what does that mean..

No pain = no gain? or If you were the rusty tin man, exercise would

be your oil can? haha... So if you are weak the night before when you

drank the 7 shots of rum you get that familiar headache the next day

that laughs at you for being such a wimp the night before. =S (you know

I love dishing it out at you, haha)

[drwasss2]

Interesting, because my RLS is on and off, If I go to bed and begin to think about it it will get worse. then I sear my compression stockings and I can sleep. Maybe, thinking or knowing that the stockings work, make it work, like a placebo!!

Anyway, I know that A lot of people who try the stockings love it. Placebo or not, you get some sleep. Men and women alike, try it.