I need help..

[static]

I wake up with no energy. all I can force myself to do is smoke to try to get my head to shut up. I've completely lost hope. i feel like I never even got a chance to be human. my whole being was shattered and contaminated so early. I feel cursed. I have to stay and keep trying for the people I love, but I'm so fucking exhausted and sick I just want to give up. I need a support system n people to help me do basic tasks, but I refuse to live like that, I can't accept it. so I feel like I'm just stuck in limbo, rotting, dormant, and stagnant. idk I just needed to get this out and I don't wanna keep telling the people around me the same shit they can't understand. is there anyone who's moved past this feeling or am I stuck like this forever?

[Greensoul2]

Hey Static,

I'm sorry your feeling the way you do. I have had similar feelings since I was a teenager. I understand when you say you don't want to repeat the same things to people around you because they don't understand. I'm glad you've let it out here.

The thing that helped me get out of the viscous circle is finding what my path is in life. I'm not going to pretend it's easy, it's not but doing what makes me happy brings the energy back into my body and soul. For me that's helping children.

As tired and exhausted as you are now the feeling won't remain. Finding how to bring the spark back into your life is part of your personal journey. You can do it and are worth it. Your doing amazing and I can speak from experience it's no easy thing to admit and express how you feel.

I'm praying for you 🙏

[static in reply to Greensoul2]

I feel so incapable of even getting to that point. I don't know where to begin or how

[Greensoul2 in reply to static]

Is there anything you enjoyed doing before you felt this way?

Maybe start with small steps. Do you knowwhat makes you feel worse? So you can avoid doing those things.

Setting small targets might help.

[static in reply to Greensoul2]

I've felt this way as long as I can remember. I like being outside, music, words, a close friend, my brothers. I get worse when left to my own devices. I don't feel like I have control over my thoughts. I always end up ruminating on my damage.

[Greensoul2 in reply to static]

You mentioned a few things you like. Is it possible to do one of these each day or all of them a little each day?

Being in nature is a great way to ground our thoughts.

All the things you mentioned help me when I'm feeling down.

[static in reply to Greensoul2]

I try to but I feel so guilty. I still live with my family and they hate me for not cleaning up my messes but still going to the park, things like that. I feel like I've been coping with little things that help in the moment but I always end up right back where I started.

[Greensoul2 in reply to static]

You don't have to feel guilty or explain yourself to anyone. It's not always easy when you have to explain yourself to others. You have to do what's best for you. How others see things is not important. Of course you have to keep harmony and respect your family as well as others around you. That doesn't mean feeling guilty because your needs are not the same as theirs.