Stuck

[PeaceNeed]

The past has ruined my life. The guilt and regret i feel has overwhelmed me. Only bad memories non of the good ones.Constant negative self talk and thinking.

[Wecantry]

First let me say I support you. I experience these exacts thoughts and feelings too. I hope you feel more understood and that is a comfort to you. You have done that for me, and I thank you. It's horrible. I don't understand why I can't break free from this and enjoy what's left of my life. I wonder if it's Satan and his demons attacking me, is it habitual thinking that can't be broken, is it abnormal brain chemistry? I think it's the PTSD. There are people who don't understand this, who would tell us to cheer up, stop thinking, be happy, etc. All that does is make a person feel worse. It's blaming and shaming a person for their feelings and thoughts, or an illness. It's not a mood. It can't be easily changed by a better outlook, a meme, or a simple thought about the positives in life. While these positives may exist, it does not change the negatives. With that being said, I try to remind myself that life is varying shades of grays rather than black and white, all or nothing thinking. I remind myself that everything isn't good or bad, and I struggle with that. I hope you are seeing a psychiatrist and counselor. I am. Recently I changed medications and am feeling better. I don't know about you but much of my life I've felt guilt and shame from a highly critical and abusive family. My mother and sister religiously abused me. This is mind control and highly psychologically damaging. Ever thought or action was a sin. Every bad thing that happened was a punishment from God. I was constantly told I was going to hell. I'm no expert on anything but I would encourage you to advocate for yourself. Find a psychiatrist and therapist you like, read books on PTSD, depression, anxiety, positive thinking, abuse, whatever you've experienced, because these thoughts and feelings you are having, are a symptom of a bigger problem. If you have done things you aren't proud of, feel bad about, talk to God, ask forgiveness. Sincerely apologize to anyone you've hurt, including yourself, and try to change the things about yourself that make you feel bad, and accept the the things you can't. Try to give yourself permission to relax and not think or worry for 5 minutes at a time. Look for support groups, in person or online. Invest in you. You are worth it.